A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I'm Heli and I'm 13. I was sexually abused when I was younger, by my brother who is 3 to four years my senior. I have told a few people about what happened, but I've never told them who it was who did it to me, because I still live with my brother and I think it would split my family apart if I told anyone. My parents have no idea, and I love them too much to tell them.Although he never had sex with me, he used to touch me and down there and at first I was a bit put out by this, but he made everything feel so nice that I just let him, and sometimes I even offered. I had no idea what was going on.I can't remember when it started, but it was after we got back from holiday in Lefcada, so I must have been in year 3 or year 4, so around 7-8 for those not used to the English system. I really want to tell someone about what happened to me, but I'm scared that this boy who I know and trust (he knows what happened but has no idea who it was) will reject me or think badly of me if he found out it was my brother and that I still live with him, and he might make me go to the police. Thing is, I've been looking around this site, and I realise that it could have been a lot worse. I was so young but that doesn't mean I was stupid. I walked into his trap and I stayed there, even when I could have left.I have been talking to another friend and she says I should go and speak to someone in school about it, like a teacher or something, but I have no idea how to approach a teacher with this sort of problem. It does not help that I am in love with the boy that I mentioned earlier (A) - his opinion of me matters so much to me. I think he respects me but his girlfriend doesn't like me so I'm not sure how long it will be before she tells me to stop talking to him (I have made it clear that i love him as a brother, but even I'm not that sure about it all.) and I am scared about what would happen if word got out about it. None of my friends at school in my year know about what happened, except one boy who I told in around November 08. three other people know - two in yr9 and the boy I love (he's in lower 6th).I am scared that my brother will try something on me again. He recently came out as gay, though, so I really have no idea what to expect. I still love him though, because he is my brother, and he's going places too - he's a very bright boy, and I'd hate for him to be locked up or something (can that even happen if we were both underage?) he recently turned 16 but he hasn't tried anything since then, so it was all in the passed.I don't think I will beable to move on until I get this sorted. I don't want my brother to "pay" or anything but I don't know what to do. I mean, he could need serious help.I get really bad nightmares about what happened to me - they are like sick fantasies, but they aren't my fantasies, they're his. It's been stopping me from sleeping and yesterday I was so distant and I think I wierded out my friend when we met up as I could barely stand up.Thanks for reading this, and answer any of the questions if you possibly can!Thanks again,Heli xxxx
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, nickie123  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 i think that your brother know what was right or WRONG nad i think that you should tell on him because not only will he pay the consequences but he will go to counseling and will make him a better person as a brother that he should be to you i know how it feels and i guarantee that this works :)
A
male
reader, answeringmachine +, writes (9 April 2009):
DrPsych's advice is good, I suggest you do find someone you can talk to, either your GP or an adult counselor you feel comfortable with. This is a hard situation, and I'm sorry you have to go through it. You also can message any of us on here if you need more advice on things. Your brother may need help, you're right, so finding someone you can talk to about this would be a good step towards having them help find him what he needs. I hope this was helpful, and I hope you and your family are able to work through what's happened.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 April 2009):
 Heidi, I suggest that you can the NSPCC helpline as there are experienced child protection social workers working to support you. Of course you wouldn't have to disclose your personal details to them unless you wanted to. I think you need specialist counselling to overcome this experience. If you have a teacher to speak to then it may help you, but you should be aware that disclosure of abuse maybe reported to social services (professionals such as teachers working with children are sometimes obliged to do this). Why not go and see your GP? That would be a confidential consultation and your doctor maybe able to refer you to a counselling service. I do think you should tell your parents what has occurred. I think you are right to think that your brother maybe in need of professional help. His success in future relationships may depend on this and he may present a risk to other girls/ women/ men in your community. The police would be unlikely to pursue a prosecution without your cooperation, but there are lots of treatment programmes available for young sex offenders that can help him. Social services may also be able to help you and your family come to terms with what has happened.
...............................
A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (9 April 2009):
 How old is your brother now?
...............................
|
