A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im 15 and afew weeks ago one of my aunties friends started talking to me on bebo. He was shocked to find out my real age cause he thought i was older but he chatted away to me anyway. Hes really nice and friendly and i loved talking to him. One day he sent me private mail, saying I'd meet ya but your only 15 :( (hes 22 coming 23)and we kept sending private mail , he told me he liked me and i told him i liked him back, he asked for my mobile number and started texting me. Then one night he called me, he was soo lovely and we stayed on the phone for hours just having a laugh. He told me not to let guys use me and gave me loads of relationship advice. I thought he was a brilliant mate. Then one night we arranged to meet up. He came and collected me in his car and we went for a drive, he was lovely and again we chatted away. The day after we met up again and he took me to his house to watch dvds. We were on his couch wen he put his arms round me and sayd "ohh, why can't you be older, its not fair" i agreed - i was really into him by this stage. We cuddled for a while and he started giving me butterfly kisses, i didnt wnat it to go any further ( for his sake, incase he got into trouble) so i suggested going for a drive. We drove for ages and bonded more and more. When he drove me home and pulled up the car he talked more about how he liked me and how it was unfair. to cut to the point after loads of flirting and talking and kissing we had sex. After i couldn't stop thinking about him! i can't get him out of my head at all. He text me saying i'd be the perfect Gf but hes too old and that my auntie would kill him. He says he wants me and i want him really badly too ...please help ...i wanna be with him badly! :(
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female
reader, itsjuelzz  +, writes (13 July 2009):
hey girl!!!
okayy...so im 15...
the samee exact thing happened to me!! hes 21
this whole secret relationship from family went on for 7 months...
and my mom found my pee sticks.
no fun.... she found out who it was
and threatened to turn him in
im still at the point where im trying not to turn him in.
but girl..
advice....get out of it.
my man told me not to call him till he was 18...i havnt talked to him for a month
but yeah...our relationship seriously started exactly like that.
he took me out and we had soo much fun together.
but it turned into a physical relationship.
honestly. i know you have feelings for this guy...but really. just wait.
be straight up and tell him to wait till youre 18.
please. i would hate for you to get hurt.
just stop it at the roots.
cos i got to the top of a full blown fucking tree and stopped because of an unintentional interference from the outside...trust me. it will happen.
just stop it now.
but im not telling you what to do.
he just knows youre vulnerable babe.
the relationship is going to go smoothly for a few months and then just go down hill.
just my advice...stop it now. please. i just dont want to see this happen again.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Classic. Look at your data: 1. He says all the right things to draw you in. 2. He does all the right things to draw you in. 3. You have sex. 4. He immediately shuts down the idea of a commitment.You were used. Here's some questions: Does he call and text you just as much as before sex? Is he as available for you as before you had sex? In one country I know of this man would be charged as a sex offender, his picture and name and address posted on the internet, and stories of him would be in the newspaper for rape of a child in a car. Check this out: www.familywatchdog.usSome people say anything, anything, anything and everything thinkable just to get sex. Words are just that: words.It may be time to set up rules for yourself. One of those rules is to wait until you are 18 for sex and another is to never put out unless you have a definite commitment with a special friend who cares about your happiness. Being attracted to someone is just your body talking; it doesn't mean anything else, not about love, not about friendship. Sexual attraction happens to everybody, how you manage it defines your character.Remember a great test of a man's integrity is to withhold sexual involvement before you are committed to each other, at the risk of losing him. Of course you feel like you want to be with him, you're going to feel that a lot about a lot of men as the years go by. Make your rules to live by, rules that when kept, make an honorable person you are proud of.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): I am afraid he is using you. He has sex with you and after he says it is too dangerous in case he gets caught. You have to put it down to experience now and move on. Stop all contact with him and try to find a nice boyfriend who is closer to your age. Also you are 15. Sex at this age is not really ideal. Pregnancy, std's and other related illnesses can ruin your future. When I was 22 I really did not even hang out with 15 year olds because I had nothing in common with teenagers. I think he is using you. Get him out of your mind and move on.I also feel that if you need to talk to someone about it you should. Perhaps your mother or a good and trusted friend.Chalk it up to experience.Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (12 April 2009):
 I'm going to reserve the right here to agree to disagree. Meaning, the first poster is contradicting. Talks about the legal detriment, but then looks at not openly advertising the relationship as escaping or letting you down, when dong so will trigger the legal detriment. Also, teen girls have a faster mental growth than males their own age. So, mentally speaking, you may be closer than your actual age gap as far as being mentally equal.
As far as having sex in the car and leaving. That would also be more correct than walking you inside, and telling everyone what you just did.
Now, all guys do not put up a front. I never have, and have never found a reason to. I am, who I am 24/7. I'd confuse myself if I wasn't. As far as having sex when you did might set you up for a relationship that's foundation is sex. This would make it short lived. You said you "wanted him" he said the same, what do you want from him? People have interests, attraction, lust etc. that doesn't mean they are compatible. It means they have the ability to desire and act on it.
I'm not completely against an age gap, if their is compatibility, and commonalities which people share. What if he's not looking at your age, and sees you as an individual which has more in common than others he's met in the past? There are questions you need to ask yourself. Remember, having sex does not qualify for a good relationship. Make sure, whatever you choose is the right decision, and recognizing what can happen if you're together, such as prison time for him. What are you willing to risk, and does the risk justify the outcome?
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A
male
reader, netoide  +, writes (12 April 2009):
 To be honest, it seems to me this guy was just trying to get you to sleep with him. "He was shocked to find out my real age" Not that shocked since it didn't stop him from sending you mail."He told me not to let guys use me and gave me loads of relationship advice" That's the kind of BS that will only work with a 15 year old (no pun intended) "one night we arranged to meet up" He shouldn't have done this! If he sincerely cared and have feelings for you he should have asked for permission from your parents or responsible adult. For your sake I hope you are right and he is this is a nice guy who has really fallen for you. I mean, is it really that hard to wait 3 years so you can have a proper relationship? Be careful, he may be using you.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (12 April 2009):
 Normally I don't have a problem with age-gap relationships (since I am older than my husband by a decade!) BUT we were both adults when we met (he was in his 20's and me 30's). However, in your case I am worried. It is not so much the legal aspects of this relationship that would concern me, but why a 22 year old man would be interested in a girl of your age. Although he may think you look and act older, you are not and there is a huge gap (mentally speaking) between 15 and 22. My concern would be that he cannot get a girl his own age, and it is easier to impress a younger girl such as yourself...he has a car, financial independence etc. He is also not willing to face up to your relatives who disapprove, his attitude is very much one of 'hit and run' since he is not prepared to stand up to public disapproval for you. It sounds like he is letting you down gently. Surely if he was really interested in you and respected you then he would have not s*agged you in his car and then left? I would put this one down to life experience.
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A
female
reader, pistongirl25 +, writes (12 April 2009):
I think that you should go with your instinct. If you care about him that much go for it. The only problem is he is alot older then you. If you do have sex again don't let it come out to anyone cause he could get into serious trouble and you might not see him again. You also have to understand that you might think you want him but a couple years from now you will be thinking to yourself what was I thinking! Guys in the beginning are always sweet and put on fronts if your not careful you could get yourself hurt. Don't give him everything cause and don't lose what you truly are. Don't change for a man either. Guys like it when women are independent and aren't dependent on them. Don't be surprised tho if guys don't show their emotions. It's something in the brain they are wired differently then us.
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