A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, i'm sorry to bother use with such a embarrassing question but i really need to know,i am a really sexually active teenager and i already have a 3 month old baby, i went through a rough past and turned to men ive had 30 bed partners or maybe more in my past and i have had group sex, but now i am pregnant again and i would really like to know what to do because i don't know wither i should keep it or not. i think it would be company for my other child but i don't want my children growing up and not knowing there fathers because i don't know who they are either. as a 14 year old girl am really confused and would appreciate the help thanks. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, salvadda  +, writes (25 April 2009):
 I hope your baby is a healthy child. It is not too late to go and see if you can find some parenting classes. I also hope you take the time to talk with your doctor and mother regarding some kind of birth control it is for your protection, and best interest. I do wish you the best of luck...
Take care and good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy oldest baby just learned to say her first word the other day :-), and i had a scan today and my baby is doing great and kicking away :-) i get a gender scan done in 2 weeks and i will let youse all know what happens x
thanks for all the advice x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): Just a final thought, your story provoked a lot of emotions in me - both good and bad and I felt compelled to write you a response. I hope you find the solution to this.I do believe your parents may have failed you somewhere along the way, whether in a blatantly obvious way or not but now is no time for blame. Look after your beautiful babies, good luck with the pregnancy and protect yourself because they need their mummy.Good luck x
...............................
A
female
reader, salvadda +, writes (11 April 2009):
I'm very glad you have family behind you. It will also teach you to be close/help to your family in the future. I wouldn't give too much mind about others in here that put you down. They don't have the courage to sign their name. This comes from a lack of understanding. Believe me everyone has done things that they are not proud of, myself included. As I said don't allow yourself to get lost in negitive feedback, it will only set your mind back. Try to move forward.
I will say though with all due respect please try to get some kind of conselling for yourself. Your parents are there for you and I'm sure they will be there for you in your time of healing/finding yourself. It is *never* too late to change. As I said there is no shame in trying to seek/heal yourself.
Again I wish you and your family the best of luck.
tc
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhiya, thanks to all that have supported me and gave me good advice, just to let you know my mother & father are here for me and my children are very well cared & loved the have all new stuff and will never wear a second hand stuff.
As to the woman down below i find you an absoulte cheek i do everything for my family and my mothers always been here for me so please keep your nose out my buisness and before you comment next time make sure its not cheek ! my mother has other stuff to worry about on her mind niver mind trying to track me down everywhere i go.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): where is your mother. 14 years old with a newborn and one on the way. 30 men and your only that young. you need to get serious help before you give birth to the second child. because if you don't by the time you are 20 you will have about 10 kids. i have only had sex with 3 different men in my life and i was married to one and engaged to one. and madly in love with my current boyfriend. i have two kids and i am alot older than you are. You have no idea what it is about to raise one child let alone two. i am not saying get an abortion. i don't believe in that. you need to forget me and now concentrate on these children that deserve to have a good life and get an education. how you are going to do that i hope you have an answer. and its hard to get a good paying job with no education. OMG 30 men. i can't believe that. You really need to seek some sort of help first to learn where AIDS comes from along with other STDs and also where innocent children come from. I would consider adoption to a family that can care for these children at least until you get older. If your family is around to help you raise them. THEN WHERE WERE THEY WHEN YOU WERE HAVING SEX WITH 30 MEN. I would literally flip out if my daughter came up in this situation. I am not judging you but honey please get help. You are to young for this.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): im glad you decided to keep the baby..but remember im sure you already know that a child is a very important part of your life as well as a big responsibility..if there is one thing i would say is to stop being so out there and try to focus on your children now that you will be having 2..stay in school and go to college make sure that you get a well paying job to support those babies..god bless you and your children and may god help you and your family raise your chilren
...............................
A
female
reader, salvadda +, writes (10 April 2009):
I am very glad that your mom is supporting you. She will be a good person to lean on. I know your babies are very lucky to have a mom who is caring, and a grandmother who loves you all.
I do hope you will seek some counselling. It will also help your children
good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all but i am going to keep the child and get on with my life x use all gave me great advice x
...............................
A
female
reader, salvadda +, writes (9 April 2009):
I read you, and I feel this is a very serious fact of your life. There is no need to feel embarrassed, bad, shame, etc. There are many people such as you. Don't let negitive feelings get in your way. What is done is done. I don't think anything bad of you, more so am glad you have asked for help, of which I believe you need.
I am to believe you live at home. It is a hard thing to live with, within yourself as it is. I am sure you have been through a lot and now is not the time to add any more stress to your life. Above all please try not to blame yourself. I feel for you and know that it is a burden for you to carry such feelings.
I will try to give you some advice with your best interest at heart. I have had one dealing with someone such as yourself in the past.
I feel for you the first step is to find someone to talk with. This is the most important thing you do for yourself, your child, the one on the way, and also your family. You must be going to doc, so I will strongly suggest you speak to him/her and ask if he/she can find a consellor for you to connect with. I can not stress how important this is.
What ever your reasons are for how you are feeling it can/will be sorted out. Only with your help co-operation can you begin to heal within yourself. There are groups you can also seek out with people in your situation also. This might help you to understand and above all know that you are not alone.
I can not nor will I state what I believe your problem is because I don't know you. This is something that will/may take a long time to sort out. There is no sense in yourself trying to figure it out on your own as you will not be able to see yourself in a true/just way. I am sure you yourself are hard on yourself as it is. If people try to tell you what your problem please don't take it to heart. Some might say things to you such as maybe you are a nympohmanic, you may have issues with men, it comes from abuse and so on. You and only you know the truth. Why in my opinion it is *VERY* important that you make an effort to go and get help...*seek counselling*
Right not it is not important what you have done in the past. It is *VERY* improtant how to deal with it. Which is why I strongly suggest you seek real help. I know this will be hard on you. I also hope you have someone you can trust/support you, such as a family member, or a friend. You will need someone to talk with outside of your counselling also. You can bring this person with you if you like. It is very hard to go it alone, with a child and another one on the way.
About the child you have on the way. Your age worries me. I don't know where you live or what kind of laws there are there. In Canada, here if you are a minor the choice would be up to the parents. Also I want to add, the men would be charged with rape here. I am sure you do not need to hear this. I want you to know that men have responsiblies also. You can by law get the man to help you raise your child/children. I know by what you wrote it is hard for you with so many partners as you said. Anyway I don't want to get off the subject. The best I can suggest to you right here is to please get some birth control. You do not need to have any more children..*not now* not until you have sorted yourself out.
I will however give you something to think about regarding giving your child up. This also is not something you should do without talking with a consellor. I don't know what kind of support you have now rasing your child. If you do give your child up, you might feel bad about it in the furture. It is a very hard thing for a mother to do of any age, let alone a very young woman like yourself. It might effect you in the long run, so please speak to someone about this first of all. This is something that only you have the answer too.
I would like to say something to you before I close. Please don't let ppl get you down. It is very hard on any person, but you are so very young. People can be cruel, not understand but rather judge. You are worth while, and know that you are good person. You are in situation that you have no control over. With help you will be able to come to understand yourself. You will with help be able to over come things that draw you into the life style that you have now. You are *NOT* hopless. Don't abandon youself. There is a remedy for you, you need search for it through conselling.
I hope my suggestions have given you some hope, for that is all I wanted to send to you to. I will pray for you, and hope that you will find some comfort and hope in what I have sent to you in here. I wish nothing but good things for you..........*hugs*
good luck & take care
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (9 April 2009):
 I don't think anyone can tell you what to do about the pregnancy except you! Being a parent is hard-work as you now know from having one little one in the world. I commend you for having the courage to take on parenthood at such a young age, but I think now you are pregnant for a second time you definitely need to take stock of your life. Telling me you have slept with 30 people at your age tells me you are very unhappy and have little self confidence. I think you need to see your GP and ask for specialist counselling to overcome your personal issues. This is not because I think you are mad or bad, I just think you have been victimised by men and need to learn new ways of handling situations of a sexual nature so you can put your needs first - contraception, consent etc. I think you also need a referral to teenage support services from your midwife as parenting two infants is going to be tough! You need to maintain your education for yourself and the financial future of your family.
...............................
A
female
reader, keepitreal03  +, writes (9 April 2009):
Ur mom said u can keep the baby but who will watch the kids while ur at school?? And how will it be supported??? Please talk to her about ur sex life too because not knowing the father of both ir kids is bad! What will u tell them later? And what are u gonna do to change ur life?? Please make a change for the better
...............................
A
female
reader, niki20  +, writes (9 April 2009):
 hello. well i think you should keep the baby. i think that if you know youll be great go for it. congrats to the new comer. if you want to find a man find ones who is willing to support you guys. i have a lil one when they hit nine months its nuts. goodluck
...............................
A
female
reader, keepitreal03 +, writes (9 April 2009):
I really wanna ask u if u have help from ur parents.if u have a lot of support and can finish high school then maybe u should keep it. But ur so young I don't think its best for u right now. I think u should focus on doing ur best as a parent and try and save ur self until ur in love. U can change and I think u should set goals for ur self. Like no sex until ur in a serious relationship. Because this will happen again. And that's not right for ur child or the babys inside. Ur past is the past and even if its still ur present u can do better with ur life. U can do whatever u put ur mind to. And finishing school should be one of them. I really want u to save the sex for someone u lobe instead of giving it to guys who only want sex. I'm here ok but I don't think ur ready for a baby
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionmy children are my world, i can support them to the hills and back i would do anything for them. the thing is i dont really know any of the men, i spoke to my mum and she told me i can keep my other baby so i am soo excited x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2009): well think of everyone you have had sex w/if you can and try and get blppd tests. its your decsion if you an keep it or not. can you handle two? could you support two? would the child/children be better if it was adopted? im not saying your a bad mom. have you been using protection, condoms birthcontrol etc.....maybe you should stop sleeping around and think of your children. 30 ppl thats alot.
...............................
|
