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... Send *earkelja a private message | | | *earkelja's profile:This site has been a wonderful experience for me. I hope that I have helped some of you in some small way.
I'll be back from time to time to help where I can. My focus for now is to get my life back to good. Thank you to those of you who have helped me along my journey. Your help, love and guidance have made me strong.
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Am I wrong in how I am handling this?
Q. A few months ago I hired a new assistant that is a very young attractive single woman. I attend many trade shows to meet our customers and I think its a good idea for my assistant to come along too once a year as a learning opportunity. I brought ...
A. 16 April 2008: Did your assistant do anything inappropriate? If that answer is no and you didn't do anything inappropriate then I think your wife is asking a lot of you to "fire" this woman for being attractive and for getting attention. Her behavior, if she is ... (read in full...)
Why are men like this or is this guy only like that?
Q. He´s been away for a month and a half. And although he said he was gonna be in touch, It really took me by surprise that he send me a note today saying "How are things down there?" I mean after all this time he just said that. I hoped for him to t...
A. 16 April 2008: It is possible he sent this one liner to gage your interest in him after this time had passed. Go ahead and engage with him and see where it leads. He probably doesn't want to say too much until he knows where you stand.... (read in full...)
He wants to be with me 6 days a week and 1 day with another woman!!
Q. I already know the answer here ....just would like some positive words to help get through this... I have been with my boyfriend(X now) for 6 1/2 years...been through the ups and downs, i'm his best friend, I gave him my all - sexually, taken ...
A. 16 April 2008: On 2nd thought, you could tell the guy that it won't work for him for 6 days a week because you need to be with this other sex god for 3 days a week so all you really have available is 4 days...And really there is no guarantee for 4 days as you ... (read in full...)
He wants to be with me 6 days a week and 1 day with another woman!!
Q. I already know the answer here ....just would like some positive words to help get through this... I have been with my boyfriend(X now) for 6 1/2 years...been through the ups and downs, i'm his best friend, I gave him my all - sexually, taken ...
A. 16 April 2008: I am sorry you had to spend all the years with this man only to get to this fork in the road. If you are asking if this is a doable situation I would say no, it's not.
I would imagine that part of the shock of this is that he has had this oth... (read in full...)
A one night stand - should I give him a call?
Q. I recently had a one night stand with a man I met at a bar. We were both very drunk. To be quite honest he didn't even know my name until we were finished and I told him what it was. We didn't exchange numbers. Just as I left he said 'call me ...
A. 16 April 2008: I'm in the don't call him category. Leave it alone.... (read in full...)
Do you think his nervous habits when paying me compliments are signs that he's just lying?
Q. I would like to ask for the opinions of the aunts and uncles here about a man I am becoming very fond of who works in my neighborhood. We work in totally different places but met a few months back and have become quite friendly. I feel a strong ...
A. 13 April 2008: He is nervous. You are analyzing him so he has a lot to be nervous about. It isn't easy for most men to hand out compliments and actually his nervousness may be a sure sign of sincerity.
I 2nd Emily, give him a chance. ... (read in full...)
Am I a one-night-stand for her?? Oh, I wish I didn't have sex with her that quickly!
Q. hey people! Here's my issue. I met this girl on an on-line dating site here in Spain. We had one date- and things got along fairly well. She seemed really intelligent (teaches at university) and not at all boring to talk to. I had some...
A. 13 April 2008: I don't think this woman is a good catch. You will only be hurt in the end, she already told you this. Don't think you could change her, you couldn't. My guess is that this woman was not into you for anything beyond what she got. It is possible ... (read in full...)
Attracted to a Married Man - we both talk about how we are married to the wrong person, what do I do?
Q. Hi all I have been married my for six years now but I have been with my husband for over ten year. Well I met this guy at work about seven years ago. The first time I met him, I knew he was someone special. Him and I talk on occasion but never...
A. 13 April 2008: Unfortunately, you said it, you are married...to the wrong people but still married.
You should not pursue any physical (or emotional) relationship with this man. No good will come of this for either of you OR your respective spouses.
You sho... (read in full...)
Part of me feels I should telephone to explain, but the other part wants him to pursue me... any ideas?
Q. Met a guy on an internet chat site. We've been in contact for nearly six months,nothing heavy, extremely casual.But due to his work commitments and the distance it has been difficult to meet up. Today he texted me and said he was going to be coming ...
A. 13 April 2008: I think you handled this well. You can not (even if the kids were at a sleepover) let this man think he is able to sleep over at your home. You haven't met him in person and it is possible that he is not who he presented himself to be.
I agr... (read in full...)
I doubt either of us was ready for a relation when we got together. I also fear he won't be able to provide stability and at times I regret my ex!?
Q. Hello I'm in such a mess. My ex boyfriend split up with me at the start of last year because we both had commitment issues and didn't trust each other. Neither of us were unfaithful but we were both unable to let our barriers down at the same time...
A. 13 April 2008: Hello Rosemary,
This is a very tough situation you have gotten yourself into.
On the one hand, you have someone who tells you he is ready to be the man he never could be with you. If you leave your current partner for this "promise" yo... (read in full...)
What would you change about your life?
Q. If you were able to change anything about your life, what would you change?...
A. 11 April 2008: I always wanted to be a high school math teacher. My guidance counselor at the time told me it was a bad profession as there were too many teachers. I wish I had followed my heart and been a teacher. It was my passion. So I would tell you to do ... (read in full...)
People say "he's so not into you" - but is this true? Could he have feelings for me?
Q. well i have posted a lot of questions regarding my crush and now i am here with another 1..i would really appreciate a lot of answers to this..and thanks to all the agony aunts and uncles..u guys rock!!!so getting down to business..well i am in this ...
A. 11 April 2008: You shouldn't expect instant romance with someone you haven't had a chance to talk with and get to know. That just doesn't happen these days. So you will need to find a way to talk to him and get to know him as a person. Maybe you bring him a cup ... (read in full...)
I'm so messed up!!!
Q. I'm having a dilemma. After several months of a new relationship, while we both talked about long term and our goals of marriage and family, our sex life was decreasing. While my ladys is wonderful in so many areas (whcih is why im with her), theres ...
A. 8 April 2008: Based on how she feels about you, I would thing long and hard about a long term relationship with this woman. Even if you were the ugliest man around, if she is in love with you, she should find you physically attractive. Her response was rather ... (read in full...)
Is this the behaviour of a guy whom says he loves you?
Q. i am or was engaged to a great guy whom i love with all my heart,but his behaviour towards me has worsened an im now afraid that i am once again a looser in love.is this the behaviour of a guy whom says he loves you,going from 7 days a week to 2 ...
A. 8 April 2008: If his behavior has changed from one way to another without a valid explanation from him, then I would say something is going on that he does not want you to know about. It sounds like he is moving away from you for one reason or another.
The t... (read in full...)
We got on so well then she text me to say she wasn't ready to be in a relationship...
Q. Hello all, I have been using a singles website, and met someone in December on there, started by only chatting on im, then she asked for my mobile number so we then text each other, then home numbers. We met up for a couple of days, I stayed i...
A. 8 April 2008: You are fortunate that this woman was honest with you. Many times people send mixed signals and leave the other one hanging not knowing. This leaves the person to do desperate things and they end up looking like a fool. You gave this woman space ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 6 April 2008: thanks for the update. let the healing begin.
Best wishes.... (read in full...)
I've had a nice time with a married man, he's now like stranger to me.
Q. I have had a nice time with a married man, he's now like stranger to me. Told him that i can see that he doesn't like me anymore and he hasn't spoken to me since i said that. We were good. What can i do?...
A. 5 April 2008: You need to respect his boundries. He obviously has gotten what he wanted or he has felt guilty about what he got. Either way, he has retreated back into his marriage or at least away from you. There is nothing you can or should do. Chalk it up ... (read in full...)
Am I being naive to think that there is still hope for our relationship?
Q. I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of nine months. We were friends before that and I helped him to get over a previous relationship. The girl he was with before has given him very low self-esteem, she was constantly putting him down. Other ...
A. 5 April 2008: I had to make a similar decision as the man I had totally fallen for needed some space to work through some issues. I know we were amazing together and I know he cared for me. But if someone doesn't want to be with you because they can't see the ... (read in full...)
Sleeping with my best friend who's getting married
Q. I have a bestfriend whom i've fallen in love with 3 years ago. When I asked him what our status was, he said we are "bestfriends-with-benefits." Stupid, but i stayed on even after he said that. When he had a gf, we stopped and decided just to ...
A. 5 April 2008: You should NOT tell the other woman. You should also do everything in your power to stay away from this man. He is bound for a very unhappy life of cheating.
Why exactally would you want to be friends with this man? If you were the fiance, ... (read in full...)
Come on girls help me out on this one!
Q. Why do women do this? i've had it happen three times now and its pissing me off. You meet a woman and she agrees to go out with you. She says she wants to take it slowly, you talk get to know each other, exchange thoughts and generally get on like ...
A. 5 April 2008: Yos has some good points. I'll add that the girl probably sees you as a backup boyfriend. She likes you but you're not the one who sets her world on fire. (Enter new guy). But she doesn't want you to go just in case she ends up with nothing.
... (read in full...)
I hate myself for having this sort of thought before things are over with hubby!
Q. I have known for a while now I would be leaving my husband at some point, and have told him on several occasions when i've been thinking about it, and he always says he wants me to stay and give him another chance. He treats me very poorly (NOTE TO ...
A. 5 April 2008: Regardless of the quality of your marriage, you owe it to yourself and your husband and this new man to end one before you begin the other. I also agree with anon poster that you really should spend some time on your own so that you understand your ... (read in full...)
My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 4 April 2008: My advice to you is that you are now the only one responsible for living your life and you should live it without regrets.
I see no reason you can not have a male friend and agree that you should try to keep him at bay until you've gotten through ... (read in full...)
I'm fed up with being the only one making the effort in this relationship!!
Q. I've been seeing this guy for a while now..and since we started dating he never calls or texts me and it seems like i always have to take the 1st step in communication. I've mentioned to him and he sed he will try and change but nothing has..he sed ...
A. 3 April 2008: Waterloo Sunset has it right. Tell him that you need to see him put forth an effort in this relationship. Tell him that you are feeling that he isn't sincere when he says he wants to be with you because to you, it doesn't seem like he is putting ... (read in full...)
Please help! I deperately love my Husband, but I have a secret, what can I do?
Q. Wow... All I can say is that I never needed advice more in my life than at this point. I am 24 years old. I met my fiance exactly a year ago and we were friends at first. I was just getting over a relationship where the man broke up with me after me ...
A. 2 April 2008: If you can get past this and stop torchering yourself AND be certain it will never happen again, do not tell him.
You need to then forgive yourself and give everything you have to your marriage.
Best wishes for a very happy marriage.... (read in full...)
Please help! I deperately love my Husband, but I have a secret, what can I do?
Q. Wow... All I can say is that I never needed advice more in my life than at this point. I am 24 years old. I met my fiance exactly a year ago and we were friends at first. I was just getting over a relationship where the man broke up with me after me ...
A. 1 April 2008: I tend to agree with Tisha in that your sexual needs are not being fulfilled and so on some level, you feel justified. This happened twice already and I am certain it will happen again, unless your husband has worked out his issues.
The person t... (read in full...)
He texts her and says it's to make me mad. Do you think this is cheating?
Q. My boyfriend for over 4 years have been texting a female from our kid's daycare. I know her she was one of my kid's teachers. A while ago I read his text message to her saying I want to be your man and I wish that baby inside was mines because ...
A. 31 March 2008: Until you can prove the cheating, I would be concerned that your boyfriend is texting inappropriate messages to this other woman. His messages are not funny and I don't think it was just to make you mad.
And then, why on earth would a loving p... (read in full...)
Does having sex too soon sabotage a potential relationship?
Q. Is sleeping with guys 'too soon' sabotaging potential for a relationship? I've always thought of sex very casually, and don't have problems sleeping with guys after a few dates. Often times I'm the one that makes the first move. I enjoy sex, but...
A. 30 March 2008: If you always do what you've always done you will always get what you always got. So, why not do things differently this time around and see what happens. No harm in waiting. I do believe that men respect women more if they wait until after a few ... (read in full...)
Am I missing her or just missing being in a relationship?
Q. Hey Cupids. Perhaps you can help me. My ex and I started dating last may/june. She was always on/off with me, some nights telling me she never wants to let me go, others giving me the cold shoulder. This resulted in her breaking up with...
A. 30 March 2008: Hey there,
Yes, people can be friends. However unless there was some really bad blood during the break up, yes, you will be attracted to those things which endeared her to you. It's not all bad and I know you're thinking you couldn't handle it b... (read in full...)
Am I missing her or just missing being in a relationship?
Q. Hey Cupids. Perhaps you can help me. My ex and I started dating last may/june. She was always on/off with me, some nights telling me she never wants to let me go, others giving me the cold shoulder. This resulted in her breaking up with...
A. 29 March 2008: I don't know why you are feeling like you want to get back with this girl. She hasn't been giving you what you need and should have in a relationship. I think you are missing what you can not have. Even if you get back together with her she will ... (read in full...)
I'm divorced and broke until finances are sorted. My new man is wealthy but doesn't help much and says I should claim State Benefits..
Q. Im divocing my husband at the moment and waiting to sort out the finance matter with my husband. I've met this man who is very nice to me. I am looking for a job and have no money. He has got a good job and quite weathly but he doesnt offer any ...
A. 29 March 2008: He is not obligated to help you. You are not his responsibility. I agree with him. You need to learn to help yourself. Just as you are wondering if he really loves you then why wont he just give you a handout, HE is wondering if you really love ... (read in full...)
I don't hate him, I dislike the behaviour and lies about other women though. I'd like to see him again to clarify these, good idea?
Q. i recently told the man i've been sleeping with that my son passed away and after a week of not hearing from him i blasted him for being so cold hearted to a person that had been nothing but good to him. not to mention at the same time there was ...
A. 29 March 2008: If you can go on without further contact with him, this is the best thing to do. You've written the letter and he is not opening the door to communicate so as far as he's concerned, this is a closed relationship. The closure is about you making ... (read in full...)
Is it true my friend wont find peace with God after committing suicide?
Q. Good day to all, A girl I know commited suicide. To be honest I am not so upset about the suicide itself or even her death. She had a really really awful life and alot of bad things happen her entire life-from the day she was born. When I f...
A. 29 March 2008: If your friend asked God to be her savior and asked for forgiveness, then she is in Heaven, finally at peace with the world and finally in the arms of the Divine Creator who is now making all things whole again for your little friend.
I believe ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 26 March 2008: I agree with the others that this guy is just trying to make sure he has nothing to feel guilty for. If I were you, I would not respond to him at all. Just let it go. He told you how he felt and there is nothing to be gained by you telling him ... (read in full...)
How to resist temptation of contacting or responding to an ex.
Q. Hello. I've written here before asking a question about how to get over a breakup. That was back in September. I definitely got through the break up, and moved on and found happiness within myself. But not completely. Currently I am...
A. 24 March 2008: Hey, good for you. I'm glad you are being strong and that you have figured out that this guy is not good enough for you. It's hard when you realize that a) he is a looser and b) he should be lucky to have you but then he doesn't want you. I agree ... (read in full...)
When do you know "it's over"?!
Q. I love my fiance... at least I believe I do, when things are great, they are great, but ever since we got engaged and moved in together, theres A LOT less sex and since I have started school and we dont spend that much time together during the week ...
A. 23 March 2008: I am curious if you tell your family that he is not interested in doing things over the weekend with you and if you complain a lot to them about how he makes you unhappy at times. If you do this then your family will have some resentment towards ... (read in full...)
One minute he wants a relationship and the next he doesn't, what is up with him?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for 13 month. We had a break up three months ago that lasted two months. He came back to me. Since then he is very distant sometimes and others not. One day he seems to want a relationship and the next not. What ...
A. 22 March 2008: He doesn't know what he wants. Only he can tell you what is going on in his head. But for certain, he does want you but something is holding him back. It would have been better if he hadn't come back to you until he knew what he wanted. He's kind ... (read in full...)
This friend I have needs help getting a girlfriend...
Q. helpppppppppppp i have this friend who i work with and he needs serious help!!! he hasnt had a girlfriend in 7 years he doesnt have any friends outside of work he doesnt go out becuase he doesnt have friends to go out with and doesnt have the ...
A. 22 March 2008: what are his hobbies besides piercings and tatoos? Maybe if he could go do the things he enjoys doing the right girl will already be there for him. Does he volunteer? That is a good way to meet girls too. ... (read in full...)
I'm married but found my "Soulmate"! Should I leave my wife?
Q. I am married for 15 years with 2 children. I reconnected with the woman I have loved my entire life by accident and we began an affair. It has lasted for over a year and we are soulmates and madly in love. We want to be together forever. She is ...
A. 22 March 2008: You have already hurt your wife by having an affair for over a year. The longer you continue with this deception, the more it will hurt her. If you truly do not love your wife then you need to do her a favor and cut her loose so that she can find ... (read in full...)
He's 18 years older than me, does he want a wife or a nurse?
Q. I've met this man 18 years my senior while I was divorcing my husband of 22 years. He is supportive and attentive. He makes me feel loved and wanted. I was a bit worry about the age gap. He said it would be nice I could look after him when he ...
A. 22 March 2008: There are no guarantees in live. What if you got really sick, would he be there for you to take care of you? You could easily find a younger man who also gets sick at a young age and there you are, taking care of someone. The bottom line is that ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 22 March 2008: How about, "Happy Birthday, Name. Have a great day." Simple and it will let him know you care. He probably expected you to be crawling back to him but if there is ever to be a chance at getting back together, you are doing the right thing playing ... (read in full...)
I need closure, how long should I wait before calling him again?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years ago broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, because he said that i did not support him. he refuses to give me some sort of closure, and i have tried everything: i wrote him a letter, i have tried to call him and i have ...
A. 21 March 2008: What kind of closure are you looking for? If you have done something wrong to cause him to break up with you and you have said you were sorry in the letter and he has said he forgave you but it's still over, then to me, it's over. What else is ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 21 March 2008: What you are feeling is normal. It is normal to have the inkling of hope when you really care about someone. Go ahead and send a text or quick call to wish him a happy birthday. No harm in that, but do not expect any response from him, other than ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 18 March 2008: I expect that in the past you were dependent on him and lately you have shown your independence and this is new to him and puts him in a whole other world, one he is probably not used to nor comfortable with. Continue on as you are doing. You ... (read in full...)
My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 17 March 2008: way to go Cindygirl.
You took the first step. It will be lonely for awhile and you will be sad. You soon to be ex will hound you but keep strong and know you are doing the right thing.
When I got divorced I was very lonely but soon I found good... (read in full...)
How to resist temptation of contacting or responding to an ex.
Q. Hello. I've written here before asking a question about how to get over a breakup. That was back in September. I definitely got through the break up, and moved on and found happiness within myself. But not completely. Currently I am...
A. 16 March 2008: The man you are trying to get over is sending you mixed signals. It's the classic come close, go away syndrome. Guys do this (and girls) when they are confused about what they want, when they are playing you AND when they do not have enough self ... (read in full...)
My husband's affair...
Q. I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous ...
A. 16 March 2008: I think you should at a minimum take a long break from this guy. Long enough for you to see that you aren't lonely for his attention and long enough for you to believe in yourself, that you can live alone and that if you wanted to you could find ... (read in full...)
He told me its over... I need help to get over it.
Q. ex bf of over 2 years decided to break it off with me saying that he still loves but not sure as a gf or a friend (chicken way of telling me its over) and that he would like to be friends with me and that maybe we can be together in the future. I ...
A. 8 March 2008: This guy didn't want to hurt your feelings and he most likely truly does care about you. That is why he said those nice things. Really, if he was with you for 2 years he most likely does think you are great, etc. However, he has decided to end ... (read in full...)
My life is in utter shambles...Filing for Divorce
Q. This is a long and painful story that I will post here, but I need to get some opinions from some "disinterested" third parties as my friends/family have pretty much weighed in on this issue. First, some background to "set the stage" for what's to ...
A. 4 November 2007: To answer your question of cheating. Yes, she is cheating. She is not giving herself to you for whatever reason. Her secret life is a form of cheating you whether or not she is with a man. She has cheated you financially as well.
I think yo... (read in full...)
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