A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a bestfriend whom i've fallen in love with 3 years ago. When I asked him what our status was, he said we are "bestfriends-with-benefits." Stupid, but i stayed on even after he said that.When he had a gf, we stopped and decided just to become friends then. They're now planning to get married. But months ago, we've done it again. It was awful, i know. I want to move on. We both want to, but we can't totally stop it. I feel like i have to tell the girl, maybe not straightforward, but just to help me move on. I want to think it's not out of revenge i need that to forgive myself. Somehow, i hate that he doesn't seem to show any remorse. But honestly, i'm still afraid to lose what little friendship we have left.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 April 2008): I hear your girl, I am living the very same situation, only that he is already married... we've been friends for 4 years, im married too...unhappily, of course, and had a major crush on my buddy for 2 years without saying a word.. 3 days before he got married he confessed his feelings for me, and was afraid i would slap him when he tried to kiss me.... he was surprised to know i had feelings for him too, and we both shed tears because it was just bad timing... For the past 2 years we've been friends with benefits and still the best friends ever... his wife thinks im the sweetest person in the world, and that makes me feel awful, but i dont want to end the beautiful thing we have... we will meet in Bahamas in 2 months, the planning, the excitement of making up excuses to take "trips" or to meet whenever he comes to town....i love it... but the rest of the year, my life goes on normally...i wonder if we were both available, would it work? would it be so full of sparks? I just enjoy the moment and hope his wife or my husband will never find out.. we are both now 37, and we both wonder.. would we still be going on with this until we are 60?? 70??
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): thank you to all replies.
i knew he didn't love me. i was just so innocent (before, my knowledge of dating and all this crap is totally zero). And i was so in-love that i didn't see it coming at first. When i did, i was so deep into the pit that breaking out is so hard to do.
This is just so difficult (the guilt, and the guy treating you as crap), i hope no one else gets themselves into this kind of mess.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2008): My heart goes out to you, however, you probably knew three years ago that "it is what it is."
I am now 43 years old. I was in a similiar relationship with a man. Our "beneficial" relationship began when we were in high school and continued even though we married other people. We would make a point to see each other when we would return to our hometowns during holidays, reunions, etc. We stopped periodically sleeping together about 10 years ago.
Not many people know about our special relationship. Neither of us were "in love" with the other, but we DO love and care for one another. I would not trade my private moments with him for anything. It is so comforting to have a friend like that who will not judge you, nor ask anything more from you. I hope to see him this summer at a reunion.
Do not tell his fiance. It is not your place to tell. To betray his trust like that does not make you his friend at all. Love him, but let him go if you want to keep his friendship.
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A
female
reader, I care  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 Love isn't Love enless the two people feel the same way and I have to agree with the other advice that you received once a cheater always a cheater I was once in a simillar relationship it hurt the whole way through cuz I cared for him and he only wanted the benefits no emotion attached in short I realized I'm not a door mat and you are not either you deserve so much more than that your worth something. God will bring the right man in your life when he thinks your ready for that kind of comitment until then try focusing on your future goals and your own personal growth and you'll see the rest will all fall into place. I hope this advice helps you in some way and If I were you I would forget about both of them and move on without saying anything to anyone God says the trueth will always be told so she'll know and this way you won't be to blame for telling her and you ending up in the middle fighting youe emotions again. Best of luck for your future and I hope everthing works out for you.
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A
female
reader, hlskitten  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 HiI dont get why if you two are such good friends, and the sex was good, why you didnt end up together, why did he end up dating someone else? Bit confused there. I always thought good friendship and sex was ideal foundations for a relationship?I wouldn't tell the fiance though, why? Its not her fault. If he's got away with it so far, he will do it again, because he will think he'll always get away with it, and she will find out for herself. The messenger always gets shot ey.C xxxxx
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A
female
reader, x-kitycatlok-x +, writes (5 April 2008):
 He's cheating when he's engaged. He doesn't sound worth it to me. You have two options. Options are good. You can tell him no. Just put a stop to it straight away and never do it again. Don't tell the other woman. That would cause problems. Just don't do it. You can still keep in touch and be friends and such, but without the benefits. If you feel you cannot be friends without the benefits, then you must lose all contact completely and move on. Find someone else to fill the void. Put the past behind you and move on. You cannot expect to sleep with a man once he's married, which is likely to happen. Wishing you the best.xx
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (5 April 2008):
 You should NOT tell the other woman. You should also do everything in your power to stay away from this man. He is bound for a very unhappy life of cheating.
Why exactally would you want to be friends with this man? If you were the fiance, I guarantee he'd be out there doing the same thing to you. He doesn't sound like a good man.
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