A
female
age
,
*indygirl
writes:I've been married for 13 years but been with my husband for 16 years in total. A few months ago I discovered he had been having an affair with a 13 years younger woman with 6 children, we had no children together but he had 4 from his previous marriage. He admitted the affair but says there's been no sex between them (I believe him as he has been impotent the last 5 years)... anyway, he admitted this other woman but said he was ending it with her to give our marriage another chance. Four months later I found out he was still seeing her daily. I put in for divorce end Jan 08 and stopped contact with him, we live seperately. The last month he keeps ringing and texting me saying he can't live without me and can we at least be friends? He says he doesn't love the woman and never will, but has got in too deep with her and can't get out of it now. He says she is very possessive? I love him very much and it's so hard adjusting to a single life after so long, but I feel I'm being used! He sees me an hour a day after work, two hours in afternoons on weekends but texts regularly saying he loves me etc. I keep telling him to make a life with her now and leave me alone so I can find someone new myself but he just pleads with me to keep seeing him. Now he has asked me to go away to see his grown up kids at easter with him. I want to get back with him but not whilst he still sees the other woman, I've heard he sleeps at her house most nights now but he denies it, sigh, any advice, I need to move on and stop living for him!! Please help!
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affair, divorce, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2008): I know it's very difficult as I have been in your shoes..my exhusband wanted to see me everyday even as he continued his affair with his co-worker. Be strong, it gets alittle bit better everyday as time passes. I went for a vacation to keep my mind off the siutation and kept myself busy with work and activities which interest me. At night I would stay at my friend/coworker's place especially the first few weeks when it was too difficult to sleep by myself. It has been 4 months and I am alot better. You will too. You will overcome this.
A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (4 April 2008):
 My advice to you is that you are now the only one responsible for living your life and you should live it without regrets.
I see no reason you can not have a male friend and agree that you should try to keep him at bay until you've gotten through some of the tough issues a marriage breakup goes through.
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A
female
reader, cindygirl +, writes (4 April 2008):
cindygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI've kind of met someone this week, he's a good male friend from the past that used to be a neighbour when we i was living with my ex hubby. He is treating me gently as he knows all ive been through & i have seen him 3 times in all. Last night he told me he has always had a soft spot for me & fancied me for years. Hes 8 years younger than i am, im 50, he is 42. I feel so wary of getting in a new relationship so im just trying to keep him as a friend, to prevent me getting lonely & keeping contact with my ex. Incidentally my ex has found out this guy comes to my house & is extremely jealous, how dare he be after hes been seeing another woman a year? I gave our marriage every last chance yet hes still trying to make me feel guilty now. Well its not going to work, im staying strong even if i feel weak at times. Any advice if i'm doing the right thing here, is it too fast?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Well done Sweetie, you've made the right decision and it must have been hard.
You're really right to stick to your guns, this creep has such a nerve to hound you like this while he still has the other woman on the go!
Stay strong and soon you will make new friends and move on and you will look back and be able laugh at him and be happy and Thankful that you got away from him when you did.
Huge hug x x x
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A
female
reader, cindygirl +, writes (17 March 2008):
cindygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for all your advice here, it's much appreciated. I guess i just need some support to continue what i started doing, and that is getting my cheating husband out of my life and continuing with the divorce. Hopefully tomorrow i will feel stronger and better able to handle it.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (17 March 2008):
way to go Cindygirl.
You took the first step. It will be lonely for awhile and you will be sad. You soon to be ex will hound you but keep strong and know you are doing the right thing.
When I got divorced I was very lonely but soon I found good girl friends who were just as lonely as I was. I still would like to have a good man in my life but finding a good man when you are over 40 (I am too) is hard, but not impossible. I am learning though to enjoy my girlfriends and to cherish the good times we are having these days.
If you need a friend, write to me. Too bad you are so far away.
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A
female
reader, cindygirl +, writes (16 March 2008):
cindygirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who have kindly replied here. I told my husband today that i'm not going away at easter with him, that i want him to stop coming round daily & to give me space to meet someone new. He got arrogant & nasty in his texts after he left, typically jealous but with no right to be! He says he can't leave this woman but wants me in his life too, i told him straight, 'you cant have your cake & eat it, go make your new life that you started & accept our divorce.' I know i'm doing the right thing but i'm so very depressed today, I have to move on but i'm not sure how to, i only have one true friend & shes just got a new man in her life so isnt avaliable like she used to be to go out with. My hubby was my only friend really in life. My younger brother & father died 18 days apart last year, this divorce is hitting me so hard. He couldn't have betrayed me at a wose time. Any support is greatly appreciated.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2008): Hi Sweetie,
You've been ever so brave and amazing to leave him and start over, I think you have come this far, it would be unwise to go away with him, especially when you're still so raw from the whole thing. It's way too soon to think about that.
Also, him coming over every day isn't good for you either, I would try to cut that out or at least down to once or twice a week, as you need time to heal and move on.
He is smothering you at the moment and it's not good for you at all. You will meet someone else, you're so fantastic to have come as far as you have, keep it up and all will be well.
He is using emotional blackmail to try and win you back but deep down the fact remains that he has been unfaithful and is still seeing another woman. He doesn't deserve you and if he truly loves you as he says, then he will respect your wishes and leave you alone for as long as you need.
Wishing you all the very best Sweetheart.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Just get up and walk away from all his lies and deceits.
Harden your heart and cut him off completely.
Better to be alone for now than to live in a deceitful world .
He cannot give you happiness.
Embrace your future without him.
He is history.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 March 2008):
I think you should at a minimum take a long break from this guy. Long enough for you to see that you aren't lonely for his attention and long enough for you to believe in yourself, that you can live alone and that if you wanted to you could find someone good for you.
The fact that this man lied to you and now "is in too deep with this woman" concerns me about his ability to be in a committed relationship at all. He continues to lie to you about his current situation. You do not need this kind of self esteem wallop so move forward. You are only loney for what you had when it was good and somehow you are forgetting about what he comes along with, another woman.
Please give being single a try at least until you discover how wonderful you are. For sure do not go back to this man until he is well over this other woman and able to give all of his attention and love to you. I know it is lonely out there alone and at times you just want to be with someone. Try going out with your girlfriends.
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A
male
reader, drmkensington +, writes (16 March 2008):
This man is just trying to retain a degree of control over you which is not healthy. You know you've got to move on and the sooner you do it the better for your sanity.
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