A
female
age
36-40,
*ece24
writes:I love my fiance... at least I believe I do, when things are great, they are great, but ever since we got engaged and moved in together, theres A LOT less sex and since I have started school and we dont spend that much time together during the week so on the weekends when I want to hang out, he wants to see what his buddies are doing so he can go hang out with them, we argue all the time and its always over how my family hates him (I cant say anything about his family because they live in another state) I feel like we are together just for the sake of just the fun of getting married, he tells me Im no fun to hang out with because Im always mad, I asked him to quit smoking and he did for like 5 months and started up again, how can we compromise if we can, I can see myself being happy one day with him but when is that one day?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (23 March 2008):
 I am curious if you tell your family that he is not interested in doing things over the weekend with you and if you complain a lot to them about how he makes you unhappy at times. If you do this then your family will have some resentment towards him.
Regarding the quitting smoking. Has he always smoked? Did he promise you that he would quit one day? When you take someone knowing their faults it's best not to try to change them. If you are going to have kids and for your own health, it would be best if he didn't smoke in the house or around the kids if you have them. My ex and I both smoked but we quit together. We had a rule that if one of us (or both of us) started up again we would have to smoke outside or in the garage. I ended up quiting for good but he didn't. He never resented smoking outside. He actually enjoyed tinkering in the garage. You could try that.
I'd say you need to work on your communication and in understanding better what each other wants in this relationship. Don't expect him to change and you don't want to be the one always trying to change him. Remember he was a complete package when you agreed to marry him.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 March 2008): Oh my, are you willing to tell us...why your family hates him, dear? It appears your family's feelings toward your fiancee is a big problem and the main source of your relationship troubles, here. You fiancee feels resentful of that. Whn one is engaged, family ties and unity are very important. We are talking about future in-laws, future Grandparents, future Aunts/Uncles, etc..the whole ball of wax. So knowing why your family doesn't like this guy, may help us advise you better. Care to share what's going on and why?
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A
male
reader, ShouldKnowBetter  +, writes (23 March 2008):
To be honest if you have to ask the question of if you love someone or not then you certainly dont love them enough (yet) to commit the rest of your life to them.
I am a strong believer in people living together before marriage. Its easy to have fun when you have stolen moments and can set when and where you see each other, it is much harder when your having to decide what to cut back on because you have an unexpected bill come in etc.
When is the date set for or is it not yet set? I think you need time to readjust to everything, being at school, living together etc... the pressure of it all is most likely staining the relationship and worsening things, the last thing you need is the pressure of arranging a marriage over your heads.
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