A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I already know the answer here ....just would like some positive words to help get through this...I have been with my boyfriend(X now) for 6 1/2 years...been through the ups and downs, i'm his best friend, I gave him my all - sexually, taken care of myself, and also put extra effort in looking attractive and sexy for him.A couple of weeks ago he said he wanted to be committed to just me, wanted to get married....We made an appt. for a pre-nup signing on a Fri. But never made it because of him having an anxiety attack in the early morning hours. I let him off the hook and gave him more time. A couple days later he brought up that he wanted to see another female on a once a week weekly regular basis. But the other 6 days be with me. We are both in our forties. He mentioned marriage in the future. But I have not talked to him for a few days especially after this last condition of his...I'm devastated and hurt...and feel so used and stupid for giving this man so much of myself I just don't know what to do...Thanks in advance...
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Some people are like beggars and cannot be choosy.
If you think you are an aristocrat and beneath your dignity ,
send him packing.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks u guys...Dear Kelja, there's a thought..u actually made me smile w/that one...
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 April 2008):
 On 2nd thought, you could tell the guy that it won't work for him for 6 days a week because you need to be with this other sex god for 3 days a week so all you really have available is 4 days...And really there is no guarantee for 4 days as you might meet someone new to take some of those days away.
Yeah I know, it's only wishful thinking.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (16 April 2008):
I am sorry you had to spend all the years with this man only to get to this fork in the road. If you are asking if this is a doable situation I would say no, it's not.
I would imagine that part of the shock of this is that he has had this other woman all along and you didn't know? If this is the case then this man is not trustworthy, at all.
Yes, great he told you now. Why did he tell you now? Why does he think he needs this other day of the week with someone else? I agree with all the others, goodbye. This is not a situation that will help any woman's self esteem. You deserve better.
If you get to feeling down about it, try to put yourself in the 1 day a week woman's shoes and imagine how you would feel if you were her. At least you got to be the "A" list woman.
This man gives men a bad name. Sorry for your pain.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 April 2008):
 Hi,
he's got some cheek huh? Dump this sad loser.
I always wonder when I hear about couples doing pre-nups, to me the first thing that pops into my mind is: "why get married if you can't trust the person you are marrying to behave responsibly?"
I guess it's an American thing - the materialism and all.
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A
female
reader, duskyrowe  +, writes (15 April 2008):
 Listen love if you want to make yourself look attractive, then do it for yourself not for any man.
I don't understand why you want to marry someone if he wants a bit on the side albeit just one day a week. Get some balls hun and refuse to be treated like a MUG, serve this guy with an ultimatum. STAY FAITHFUL OR PISS OFF OUT OF IT.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your input..I can't stop crying...I have put up
with other situations in the past w/him. But I hung in there. But this pushed it over the edge. He even told me to find someone else once a week too. Which even hurt more...I feel like such a sucker. All I did was love him...and I'm just so sad...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2008): I think its time you applied a few conditions of your own, like 'get out you loser'
After all this time i can't believe he would treat you like this..
Its easier said than done for you must find it in your heart to leave him.
It will be so hard, but be strong, have you family and friends who will look after you and try to keep you mind off this jerk???
You need people around you at this time - leave him to his 'other woman' lets see if she will be able to put up with him for more than 1 day a week... i doubt it!
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A
female
reader, Nevalearn +, writes (15 April 2008):
Wow, you gotta give him credit for being up front. At least you found out he was an asshole before you married him, not like most of us who get married have kids and then find out they have mistresses. Kick him to the sidewalk darling. As for getting over it, the old cliche - it takes time. Things like this are a real kick in the guts for your self esteem. Don't let him ruin your confidence in yourself. And you are not stupid for trusting the man that you love, he is stupid for being a liar and a cheat. Throw yourself into something else while trying to deal with it, either work or a hobby, it doesn't make it better but it gives you something else to focus on instead of obsessing about him. You deserve better. Look after yourself.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 April 2008):
Tell him fine and send him off to her. Don't be there when he gets back.
You are in your prime and as you said, you know what you have to do. You are not a doormat, you a strong intelligent woman.
Let him deal with the shock and hurt when he discovers you were the best chance he had for happiness and he messed it up.
You are worth so much more than a weak pathetic fool who thinks he can demand a mistress, but is too scared to sign a pre-nup marriage agreement.
Good Luck!! xx
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