A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years ago broke up with me about 2 weeks ago, because he said that i did not support him. he refuses to give me some sort of closure, and i have tried everything: i wrote him a letter, i have tried to call him and i have emailed him. He responded to the letter by saying that "friends do not do that to other friends" and he has not responded to my email. He has forgiven me, but still says that it is over. I have not been doing this excessively, but I either want closure or for us to get back together because I truly love him. I havent spoken to him in almost a week, and i really want to talk to him. He leaves for the naval reserves in about a month, and i would like to have closure before then. My question is, how long should I wait before asking him to talk again, and do you think he will want to talk?
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female
reader, pku2319  +, writes (24 March 2008):
No matter how much you just say you don't want to talk to him, you will end up doing it until you feel you're done. It doesn't matter a whole lot that people advise you against doing so.
Keep in mind though. What kind of closure are you seeking? What do you hope to gain from talking to him? In the end, the why he gives will not seem to be the whole truth nor will it be adequate to you. Trying to push the issue will just hurt both sides more. If you have things you want to say, just say them in an email but don't expect a response. Don't hope that he'll even read it, but say the things you need for your own peace of mind.
How much it affects you is really truly very much how much you let it affect you. It hurts. It will most likely continue to hurt. You will miss him. You will feel lonely. You will want to cry. You will want to rage. After all, it wasn't an insignificant part of your life. However, in the end you and only you can accept it.
In the meantime take some time to remember what is wonderful about yourself. Talk out thoughts with friends. Just trying to forget it is not respecting the feelings you had.
I wish you good luck.
A
female
reader, hannah76  +, writes (21 March 2008):
 Hi,
Just let it go now. He gave you closure. You said this was one of your options so that's it. You have it. You may wish to send him a small note to wish him good luck for his naval career etc. H.
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A
female
reader, AuntYvi  +, writes (21 March 2008):
It sounds like no matter what you do, he's made a decision and he wants to stick to it. Maybe he's using your behavior as a way to break up with you before he goes to the Navy. Maybe he knows he can't be faithful but isn't man enough to say that to your face?
Alternativly, look at what it is you say you have been forgivin for. Analyse the situation, look at it from a friend point of view, if one of your best friend did that to you how would you feel? why would they do that?
Why would you do something to this man you say you love that makes him label you a 'Friend' in a non Friend scenario? Maybe you pushed him away because he was leaving anyway?
You'll have closure if you can figure out if its You or Him!
As for when to contact him, I think you need to leave the ball in his court. He may never contact you but you've broken up now and the more you grovel the less attractive you'll be to him and the less likely he'll ever come back.
Take up a new hobby like sudoku or writing! Or go volenteer somewhere with animals or old people, just for a few weeks to get your mind off it until you start feeling like you can move on.
AntiYvi
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2008): I think the problem here is you both view 'closure' from two entirely different perspectives. You want closure as to finding out, a reason 'why' your relationship ended. You want to take this 'closure' to enable you to fix what went wrong. You are simply looking for a way to keep the relationship going and he's not. His 'closure' came the day he broke it off with you. And as far as he sees it, this whole thing is not open for further discussion. What you need to do is take what you learned from this relationship and simply accept, that it's finished. One cannot never demand closure from others. When we insist on closure, what we are really saying is, “I want my answer, right now, so we can work this out", that is being demanding and not respectful of what he wants. He doesn't want what you want...he's moving on. I am sorry, but I think you should let this go and not talk to him. Please mourn, grieve, cry and work hard to recover from this, hun. I am sorry for your hurt and I wish you strength and courage in getting through this sad time. Good luck, dear
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (21 March 2008):
 What kind of closure are you looking for? If you have done something wrong to cause him to break up with you and you have said you were sorry in the letter and he has said he forgave you but it's still over, then to me, it's over. What else is left to say. Let him be. He has alot on his plate right now and he will have plenty of time to think. Wish him well in this next chapter of his life and let him go.
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