A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've recently broken up with my boyfriend of nine months. We were friends before that and I helped him to get over a previous relationship. The girl he was with before has given him very low self-esteem, she was constantly putting him down. Other incidents in his life have made this worse. Since we have been together I have tried to make him happy - I know that to some extent his happiness is beyond my control but I always complimented him and made sure he knew that I cared. But this wasn't enough, since he has decided to end it whilst he sorts himself out with therapy etc. It may be selfish but it is tearing me apart not being with him. I know that we both love each other and want to be with each other, so it just seems unfair to believe that it cannot work. However, when he was ending it he told me that it was better for me as he doesn't deserve me. Now this isn't true since he is an amazing person but I know that he can't see that. Am I being naive to think that there is still hope for our relationship? Everyone I have asked was completely shocked and said we were an amazing couple. Ultimately I want him to be happy, is leaving him alone forever the best way or should I fight for him - I know that he will need support whilst he is trying to fix his issues and he has very few close friends. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (5 April 2008):
 I had to make a similar decision as the man I had totally fallen for needed some space to work through some issues. I know we were amazing together and I know he cared for me. But if someone doesn't want to be with you because they can't see the good in themselves, you need to walk away. The relationship will not be healthy and I actually admire him for wanting to work through his issues without dragging you into it.
Give him some time and space. He may come back into your life and you may never see him again. These are hard words to hear but if you try to pursue a relationship when he is at his lowest it will fail, guaranteed. You should also understand that although you think you can be a friend for him to lean on through his troubles, that emasulates him and he doesn't want that kind of relationship because he is completely vulnerable and in the end he wants his future partner to see him in a good light. Give him time.
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