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... Send *untyEm a private message | | | *untyEm's profile:Hello, there. I am a 49 year old mother of two girls.
What qualifies me to give advice?...well I guess because I have had a pretty hard time and have learned a lot in my lifetime.
Divorce, teenage kids, money worries, relationship worries...all manner of things I have coped with and I am still here to tell the tale.
My answers will be pretty hard hitting. This is because I will tell you what you NEED to hear and not what you WANT to hear. This isn't always popular but I would rather get to the heart of the matter and tell it like I see it rather than give someone false hope or a misleading answer that could make them even more confused.
God Bless all who take time to give precious advice here, it has restored my faith in human kindness :-) xxxxx |
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This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 December 2009: To everyone on DEAR CUPID, Having been an 'Aunt' on DC for a couple of years I have to say that I absolutely love and adore this site. It confirms to me that in a jaded cynical and unscrupulous world there are still people who care enough abou...
A Survival Guide for the serial Dumpee!!
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
17 July 2007: Are you continually getting dumped?, Do you never get passed the first date? 1) Never assume love. The more you think you like a guy, the more you must let him chase you.Don't lose your head and think you love him, before things have evn gott...
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What do I do?! Do I just pack up and mosey on or wait it out or what?!
Q. About a month ago I started dating this guy from work. Things were going really well. We actually started forming a relationship quite quickly. I would hang at his house all the time. I met his family and closest friends. Things were going great... ...
A. 10 August 2013: I agree, you should just quit it and walk away. He's probably thinking he had a lucky escape and its a shame you work together because you will probably be forever known as the 'Crazy Lady' (guys talk ya' know)
Do damamge limitation and back off... (read in full...)
He gave me the reasons to go and snoop!
Q. My boyfriend is very close friends with his ex, he says she has been very good to him when he had problems, although she has since married, then divorced with a kid she is trying to make things work with her husband and is visiting him in the ...
A. 10 August 2013: If he really loved and cared for you there is no way that he would be chatting up an ex and talking shit about you.
It seems like you are forcing the relationship, giving ultimatums and not seeing his behaviour for what it is. He's being covert a... (read in full...)
Can I leave him or am I trapped forever?
Q. I have lived with my husband for six years. I believe that I have always relied on men in the past and have had several abusive relationships. I suffer from deep seated fears/phobias from my childhood and agoraphobia (mild now). My husband has clin...
A. 10 August 2013: Sometimes you have to actually 'escape' in order to know what strengths you have. Your fears about loneliness and being unsupported are keeping you in a very very unhappy situation.
That book 'face the fear' is exactly about doing that. Acceptin... (read in full...)
Would you confront your man if you found out...
Q. I've been married to my husband for 13 years. We started out with a great sex life. Things mellowed out to a completed halt after dealing with infertility issues. I do love him however, we have had major fights regarding porn. I don't like it and ...
A. 5 August 2013: In relationships, most things can be resolved or worked out, but where one partner refuses to budge on an issue, sometimes the only option is to leave.
For my marriage it was gambling. I couldn't make him stop, he didn't want to stop...it killed t... (read in full...)
My married lover's wife knows about us but he still wants to be in contact with me. Why doesn't she just stop him?
Q. I don't know where to begin, I am asking for an opinion, maybe some advice, no cursing or calling me names please. I am already in a lot of pain as it is. I was having a relationship for 6 yrs with a married man. We spoke everyday, saw each other 2 ...
A. 5 August 2013: Also don't be telling people not to get mean with you. A lot of people here HAVE been cheated ON and have had their marriages and relationships wrecked by cheaters...that's the REAL tragedy!... (read in full...)
My married lover's wife knows about us but he still wants to be in contact with me. Why doesn't she just stop him?
Q. I don't know where to begin, I am asking for an opinion, maybe some advice, no cursing or calling me names please. I am already in a lot of pain as it is. I was having a relationship for 6 yrs with a married man. We spoke everyday, saw each other 2 ...
A. 5 August 2013: Lady you are fooling yourself, you know exactly whats going on, you are just trying to make a silk purse out of a sow's ear!
You have allowed yourself to be blinded for 6 years with cheap words, lies and empty promises...If you choose to believe ... (read in full...)
Should I continue to leave my ex alone or reach out?
Q. My ex and I started talking again. Feelings resurfaced, he expressed them first. However he started freaking out when he thought I was going to move to his city for him alone. Unlike when we were originally dating, we live in different cities now. ...
A. 5 August 2013: Ok some fairly typical stuff is happening here and you are walking into a trap, although you cannot see it.
First thing, men are insecure, often act idiotically and like to throw up a smoke screen of confusion when they want things their own way.... (read in full...)
Dear Cupid is very much appreciated.
Q. Hello, forgive me that this is not a question but I would really like to say that I used this site approx one year ago and with the many opinions and advice from you people my life has now turned around. Looking back I can see clearly that the adv...
A. 4 August 2013: Always good to get positive feedback and to know this site is making a difference to peoples lives.
I am so glad you got your life back on track and maybe now, with your life experience at overcoming difficulties you can help other people in simil... (read in full...)
I don't have any luck with men what do I do?
Q. I have been so bummed lately and it's because I haven't had a date in years. I am divorced and tried online dating, and it is not working for me. No matter what I do I can't get a date. I have been told that I am very attractive and I am not ...
A. 26 July 2013: Crikey!! what sort of dating site are you on? Is it a paid site?
Internet dating can be a game of endurance and it's true that you have to sift through a lot of people to find someone you feel connected to. I am not sure those personality match si... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 26 July 2013: I don't think the age gap is why he isn't in touch. He would not have talked to you in the first place if it was a problem!
But I think he has maybe just changed his mind and that's easy to do when you are communicating by internet and have not... (read in full...)
Is my Ex sleeping with his family that's why he can't be in a real relationship with me?
Q. Dear Cupid , I love my ex with all that I am made of but we went our own ways do to a lot of cheating ,fighting,and arguring.But there is one thing that I am very puzzled about I don't want to think like this but I believe his entire family ...
A. 25 July 2013: 'Would this be great idea to have a life with this dysfunctional situation ?'
NO it would NOT be a good idea. Why are you even in a relationship with someone with so many problems and with whome you argue and fight all the time?...It could be... (read in full...)
What is fair to expect from a wife?
Q. I have been married to my wife for almost 21 years and there are many things about her that endear her to me. However, of late I am finding it harder and harder to remain with her. That's not because of what she or has not done in some sense, but ...
A. 25 July 2013: Seems to me that your wife is taking advantage but if you have allowed her to behave in this way, it's probably a little too late to change things.
First you have to be clear about what you want to change in order to be happy and then if shes the... (read in full...)
I can't get over a guy I have been speaking to online
Q. I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and ...
A. 25 July 2013: If he isn't responding to you, then there isn't really anything you can do. Try not to take it to heart, he probably did like chatting with you but perhaps he's backed off a bit because he had second thoughts...people do change their minds, and ... (read in full...)
If you have cheated before, are you not worthy of any future relationships? Are cheaters really 'red flags'?
Q. I have read so many questions and responses on DC. The most common response or feedback is IF HE OR SHE HAS CHEATED ON HIS/HER GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND OR WIFE/HUSBAND BEFORE, YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH HIM/HER BECAUSE HE/SHE WOULD DO THE SAME TO YOU! ...
A. 23 July 2013: All but a few Aunts here on DEAR CUPID are not professionally qualified to give legal relationship guidance, but we are all human beings...
When you see a human being in pain, you are going to tell them to step away!!...we are, as fellow humans, ... (read in full...)
Low libido due to medication. Is there anything I can do?
Q. Hi everyone. I take medication for depression and anxiety. It's not really an option to come off them at the moment. The problem is it more or less completely suppresses my sex drive. I'm still interested in women and sex, and I think if I had a...
A. 20 July 2013: If you are going to be on depression medication for a long time, then its important to let your doctor know that your libido is falling.
Do you exercise and eat a healthy diet? Do you smoke or drink?
Exercise helps release endorphines and ... (read in full...)
I really like this guy but I didn't follow "the rules"
Q. There is a guy I messaged on match. I was instantly attracted to his pics and his style so I messaged "you are so fine" and he messaged back saying, "I was going to say the same about you!" I didn't think too much of it though because I wanted to ...
A. 20 July 2013: Can I say INTENSE!!!
You are overthinking this situation so much you run the risk of making yourself ill...stop it and relax.
Wait until after Ramadan, if he does not message you then you know he just wasn't that into you as you were into hi... (read in full...)
Do large age gaps work in relationships?
Q. dear aunts and uncles, i have read quite a few articles here about age gaps, and i know one or two of you are in an age gap relationship. im not going to go into my story because mine is just like a few on here. i will just say that i was just ...
A. 20 July 2013: WOW WiseOWL (I don't know why I think your name is Ernie??) that has to be just about the most insightful reply I have ever read on DC...and so true in all aspects. It just shows you how complex relationships are and how transient the nature of ... (read in full...)
If its meant to be will it be?
Q. I wanted to get everyone's opinion on a topic- I was in an abusive relationship for about five years until I left and was brave enough to know that was not acceptable. I since have moved on have tried to date other people but i haven't forgotten ...
A. 19 July 2013: I think most people have felt like that about someone at some point in their lives, it's part of being human...to connect with someone special, but it is no gurantee that things will ever work out.
It's hard to stay realistic when we feel like thi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been meeting up with his homewrecker ex and has lied about it
Q. Sorry this could be long. What are people's opinions on this? I've been with my current partner for just under a year. We were friends for 3 years before we got together. One of my very best friends is my first boyfriend who I broke up with 10...
A. 19 July 2013: Firstly...you are in a relationship with a cheater and you expect better...prob not going to go your way.
Secondly...you are laying down the law about who he can talk to on 'day one'...means you don't truat him and probably never will.
Thirdly... (read in full...)
When do couples start discussing the future?
Q. When do couples start discussing the future? And how do you go about it? This is my second relationship but the first one I didn't go about the correct way and I don't want to mess this one up. If someone could please help me I'd really appreciate ...
A. 19 July 2013: Where men are concerned (that's if you are in a relationship with a man) it's best never to talk about the future until they bring up the subject.
If a guy asks a woman first and wants to discuss it then that is the best time. If a woman brow bea... (read in full...)
My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things.
Q. My husband just doesn't want to do 'normal' things. He is very fond of drinking whilst I'm not bothered. All his plans involve drink and drinking buddies as I call them. He won't make plans with me to go out or walk with the dog, take me out a ...
A. 18 July 2013: Not sure how long you have been married but from personal experience I know drinking and gambling is a set pattern and if someone is doing both and shows no signs of stopping, there is no way you are ever going to stop them.
I tried for 20 years... (read in full...)
Went on a trip with my LDR and now he doesn't call
Q. Dear Cupid I am in LDR with my bf of 3 years for the past 6 months. We went for a trip few days back and had a very nice time. Few times he was cranky, but otherwise trip was a success. Its been a week, he hasnt called me once or returned by me...
A. 18 July 2013: Was the trip the first time you had met/slept with the guy?
If not, what was he like all the other times you were together physically?
Was this a proper relationship that turned into an LDR, or was it someone you met online 3 years ago and yo... (read in full...)
How do I handle my matron-of-honor duties at my sister's wedding? I'm on bed rest for my pregnancy!
Q. My sister is getting married this weekend. I am the matron of honor and therefore would have to give a speech. I am on strict bed rest for my pregnancy and can only attend the ceremony as it isn't long. Should I have one of the other bridesmaids ...
A. 17 July 2013: Use SKYPE??...OK that probably would be tacky!!
I agree you should probably record it. Hope all goes well with your prgnancy x... (read in full...)
By leaving him completely, will that make a guy come back?
Q. ok, I have been cutting a client/guys hair for a many yrs, and his kids too. after he got separated from his wife, not divorced yet,about 5mo, he asked me out.btw he has full custody of his kids. it was a whirlwind relationship, for 3mo we were all ...
A. 17 July 2013: I agree with Honey 100%
Dating men who are just out of long term/marriage is a BAD idea unless you just want a bit of whirlwind and a quick thrill. There is no way that these men want to get back into long term so soon after getting out of one a... (read in full...)
Getting married so he can get his green card and now he wonders what he's doing with me?
Q. My finance told me two weeks before wedding that half of his time he is thinking what is he doing with me and he is getting married with me just because his family expecting him to. should I call off wedding?? Today we had little argument about be...
A. 15 July 2013: He stayed with you just to get the green card and probably the sex!!
Yes...some people really ARE that low!!...and others are gullible!!
Dump him, find someone better!... (read in full...)
Caught my girlfriend cheating. She doesn't know that I know. What should I do?
Q. Please, please help?? My world has been turned upside down. I have been with this woman for just over a year. I fell in love with her very quickly. I've never met anyone like her. I've loved before but never like this. Anyway, about 6 mont...
A. 15 July 2013: She's in bed with the guy and 'it's not how it looks'...
Says it all really doesn't it!!
I am sorry this has happened to you but by walking away you are showing an incredible amount of strength. You may be feeling sad but she's the one with the... (read in full...)
Getting married so he can get his green card and now he wonders what he's doing with me?
Q. My finance told me two weeks before wedding that half of his time he is thinking what is he doing with me and he is getting married with me just because his family expecting him to. should I call off wedding?? Today we had little argument about be...
A. 15 July 2013: Ok let me get this straight
You been together 5 years
Neither of you wanted to get married
He has told you he doesn't know why he's with you
You are marrying him so he can get a green card
He's told you he could find another girl
???
He's ... (read in full...)
Should I get back with my ex husband after seven years apart?
Q. Hi, I met my ex when I was 15 and he was 16, we were married for 18 years with 3 great kids but I found him too much to live with because he has mental health issues and it was affecting me. I left him and have tried to make a life, did a lot of g...
A. 14 July 2013: It's weird that you said it's been about 7 or 8 years, because thats how long I have been divorced from my husband and recently we have been talking a lot about the past. It's the first time in that long that we have even been able to speak about ... (read in full...)
Since I no longer pay for everything, he doesn't hardly see me at all!
Q. Ok I'm back with more questions. I am still in the LDR. But have made some much needed changes. I no longer pay for everything but with that change it means he doesn't see me hardly at all. So this is probably the last straw. This weekend I drive 3 ...
A. 14 July 2013: You are doing the right thing and you can only look for the good in someone for so long before you have to admit to yourself that things are not going well...
So good assessment! Time for a life change and hopefully on to better things xxx... (read in full...)
Caught my girlfriend cheating. She doesn't know that I know. What should I do?
Q. Please, please help?? My world has been turned upside down. I have been with this woman for just over a year. I fell in love with her very quickly. I've never met anyone like her. I've loved before but never like this. Anyway, about 6 mont...
A. 14 July 2013: It's like that program CHEATERS...they catch the cheater in the act and the partner who got dumped on confronts the cheater and their accomplice...
and it always goes horribly wrong and the cheatee has to walk away.
Rather than confronting her ... (read in full...)
Since I no longer pay for everything, he doesn't hardly see me at all!
Q. Ok I'm back with more questions. I am still in the LDR. But have made some much needed changes. I no longer pay for everything but with that change it means he doesn't see me hardly at all. So this is probably the last straw. This weekend I drive 3 ...
A. 13 July 2013: Dump him if you arn't happy and you feel like he's using you to pay for everything.... (read in full...)
Do you guys still hate or forgive your exes after being dumped?
Q. So my ex and I were in LDR and he dumped me out of no where a couple of months ago. I've been through every phase,grief,hating him, missing him and now trying to forgive him. I don't know what to do is better for me. I mean we've been through a ...
A. 13 July 2013: Hate's a heavy coat!
I have forgotten and forgiven any ones whos dumped me in the past and I hope those I have dumped have forgiven me (I am sure they have)...in time all sad feelings fade, so keep your chin up!... (read in full...)
Can someone please reassure me that having a small flat will not stop me from having a loving relationship in future?
Q. Advice or just opinions needed please. I'm due to move home after a very painful and drawn out split from my long term partner, who was a binge drinker and abusive. My health became very bad due to the stress of his behaviour and I could no longer ...
A. 13 July 2013: If the flat is in London, you will always be able to find a buyer no matter how small it is (you bought it didn't you? and in a run down state). If it's done up, you could sell a broom cupboard in London and probably make a profit!
I downsize... (read in full...)
Does this mean he no longer sees a future for us?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend just under a year now. In a little confused. We used to talk about our wedding day and kids and stuff. A couple of months ago, we had a couple of big fights but are working through them and he is still affectionate and ...
A. 13 July 2013: Maybe he sees it as a bit of an emotive issue and isn't ready to talk about it again. Leave the wedding talk for a while and just enjoy being together...the plans will come when the time is right.... (read in full...)
Heartbroken, in love with ex crush
Q. Please help. I have been noticing this man around a lot the last 3 weeks and we've been flirting (staring mostly by him and lots of smiles) we have not had chance to speak but have feeling that we would have got along, just didn't have chance to ...
A. 13 July 2013: What should you do???...Get over it is ALL you can do.
I don't know what is is with some womwn that they just have to get a look or a kind word off of a man and they start tripping into the realms of romantic fantasy!!
You didn't even spea... (read in full...)
We broke up but he won't go n/c
Q. Im in the middle of a break up from the man who made my life loads better and wanted to marry me. We loved each other so much but things took its toll on us and Ive gone through something that a person never should which traumatised me, I dont ...
A. 13 July 2013: I agree with Ernie, you are acting a bit nutty!!
If the relationship is over, which seems to be the case then you both need to stop contacting eachother!!
I think he is concerned for you, but no longer wnats to be with you and you are misreadi... (read in full...)
Should she just be up front about the nose job?
Q. Just a simple question, I know everybody has their own opinions on people who have nose jobs. But please don't be judgemental and say those who do are 'shallow, stupid, fake' or any other insulting and personal comment. Because it depends on the ...
A. 13 July 2013: I think saying the other thing is fine. If this is the way she wishes to explain her nose job then it's perfectly OK.
I don't see why she has to bear her soul and be 'honest' to her friends over such a matter because it simply does not matter. ... (read in full...)
Is the Personal Trainer Guy Interested in Me or just Grooming Me for a Sale?
Q. I know this sounds like a really cheesy cliché question that hundreds of women have asked many times but I'm more confused by my potential personal trainer. After going in to speak to one three days ago and asking about what the sessions involve/...
A. 13 July 2013: To be honest this is about you!
You found the guy attractive and have the potential to spend time alone with him (training time) and you are doing what most women do when they are attracted to someone, you are reading way too much into the situ... (read in full...)
Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 13 July 2013: Doesn't sound like she is chasing you and she has a boyfriend, Ask yourself why you haven't moved on.... (read in full...)
Why does my long distance girlfriend still have and know my phone number?!?
Q. Just wondering why my ex ldr still has my phone number I mean she does not respond back to me and ect just wondering why she would still have it even though she wanted to move on and changed her phone number 5 or 6 times all ready but I still have ...
A. 11 July 2013: Are you stalking her?
Dude when a woman changes her number 5 or 6 times and never responds to your messages, what she is really saying is 'GO AWAY'!!!
Get it?... (read in full...)
My online guy is giving me the silent treatment
Q. Hi, Guy’s I hope you can help. I met a guy online. We have been talking for two months now. He asked me if we could become exclusive since we got along so well. I said yes. We haven’t met yet because he lives long distance. I have asked hi...
A. 11 July 2013: How degraded and insecure does a woman have to be to accept someone she doesn't know telling her to be 'exclusive' being abusive to her, telling HER to move closer and pay for the 'privilege'. How much lower can she sink than to become involved with ... (read in full...)
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