A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is a guy I messaged on match. I was instantly attracted to his pics and his style so I messaged "you are so fine" and he messaged back saying, "I was going to say the same about you!" I didn't think too much of it though because I wanted to meet in person to confirm my chemistry. He offered to come to my city but I was busy that weekend and told him that I'll be coming to his city (6 hours away) for a job fair any way. So we met up! He showed me around the city for 3 hours and I had an amazing time! This never happens!! Not only was he even more gorgeous in person (which I'm afraid now that I'm merely infatuated by his good looks and don't want to fall in THAT trap again....I'm victim to beautiful men, but then, I'm equally as good looking!)But he was so sweet to me. It was his little gestures that made me feel safe, comfortable, and very happy to be around him. I haven't felt this way in over a year and I was so happy! At the end, he said, I'll see you in your city! That night, he stayed up until he heard back from me that I came back home safe. The next day I messaged him (was I wrong? Did I not follow 'the Rules?) He replied but that was it. I messaged him again the next day, he gave me a short response and that was it. I finally asked when he was coming to my city and he said "Maybe after Ramadan" we're muslims and we're in fasting mode. I understand that this is also a time for guys and girls to not speak to each other and to reflect on God so I am giving him the benefit of doubt and using that as an excuse for him not talking to me because he's in Ramadan mode. Have I screwed this up? I remember I talked a lot when we met but that was because he made me so comfortable, I said some things that I probably shouldn't have said like: oh that girl is drama or I know what I want or I need to lose a couple pounds, I was so thin last year. But it all just came out as word vomit. I know the "rules" and I didn't follow them this time, he just made me keep going on and on. But I allowed him to share and listen as well, it was a good back and forth. He was not opening up to me as much as I was but that's just my personality. I wear my heart on my sleeve. There have been many men interested in my intense personality and energy but I haven't been as interested in them. I just felt like we had mutual chemistry, he made me laugh, he was charming and impressive. Should I just give up or wait after Ramadan (ends around Aug. 9) to see if he calls and at that point is it even worth it? Am I really supposed to believe in "The rules" don't message a guy first (which he said he hates!!) don't call first, don't go to his city first, don't talk about yourself much (but then how would I know what my chemistry is?) I just don't get the rules and if I really have to follow them....but I feel that because I didn't follow these steps, I'm stuck again. Most of the guys who did like me, I was definitely a bit more stuck up with them, but they jsut keep coming back for more. With this guy though, after he said he would come after Ramadan, I stopped messaging him completely adn he has not messaged me either (its been about 3 weeks now) I'm just waiting for a sign. DoI have a chance with this guy, should I be patient or move on? I REALLY liked him!
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with you
He's just not that into me. I need to move on!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 July 2013):
 I don't know where you get from this prohibition to talk to the opposite sex during the Ramadan, I know tons of Muslims from various countries and they never heard about it.
The prohibition pertains to sexual abstinence,not words. Of course the Ramadan is a period of spiritual, not only physical purification, so one wants to avoid even more than usual to be induced in temptation by lustful,inappropriate, tantalizing words / actions, so it makes sense that one would not flirt , or act enticing or seductive even verbally, or, least of all, talk about sex or exchange explicit messages.
But Ramadan does not prevent conversation and friendship,and if you two wanted, and could be able, to communicate normally and chastely, and talk about normal stuff as two people who are getting to know each other , you know, books, movies, your family life, your plans for the future, the news etc.etc..... it would take a pretty restrictive and obscurantist brand of Islam to find fault with that ( and again, I have been told that by practicing Muslims ).
In this light... sorry but I think he's just not that into you. If he was he would have said " surely after Ramadan " and maybe even picked a date, not just " maybe after Ramadan " ( and yes, I understand instead why he would not travel during Ramadan to be alone with a pretty girl who hits on him, THAT would be courting temptation ). And, in the meantime, in fact having to be apart could have been a good occasion to start getting to know each othr in a non-infatuated, not-emotionally loaded way. Just to get to know more about the other person.
So if he does not, - uhm. You'll have to wait and see , and of course I hope I am wrong. But in case I am not, you will understand that escorting around for 3 hours in his town a girl that came on purpose to see him , is not a big effort for any guy, it can in fact be a welcome distraction. If he has to be arsed and do the opposite, i.e. spare the time and make the effort to travel 6 hours to see the girl, then he has to like her A LOT, but really a lot. And if he can stay a month without even a hallo how are you, maybe he does not like her a lot. Logical, isn' it ?
Anyway, take him at face value ; wait for the end of Ramadan, if he's keen he should pop up immediately. If he does not.. well I guess you can contact him once, to refresh his memory, but if he starts delaying and making excuses ( work or what else ) then leave it be immediately. When there's a will there is a way, and that's valid for Muslims and non Muslis alike :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you!
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (21 July 2013):
I am 27 as well and I feel like women (around my age) in my country just aren't looking for a long committed relationship. It is weird how life goes sometimes but the most important thing is to just not give up and always believe in yourself. I have every confidence you will find someone who will be everything you want him to be just don't get desperate just yet. Relax, enjoy life and keep being the amazing person you are. When the right guy comes, he'll have all of you and you of him, and you will know because you will feel it and experience it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2013):
Listen sweetie, 27 is not old... There is a saying ' you kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince' .. Some kiss and get their prince first time .. However some like yourself have to wait, until mr right comes along..
Fill your life with things you enjoy, start a new hobby, take up jogging, get out and about.. Boost your confidence and pulling power by flirting (being friendly ) with any males no matter their age lol lol .
Be kind to yourself .. Have a girls sleep over .. ( after Ramadan) and have a good goss and light beverages ..
Do not wear your heart on your sleeve.. It makes guys race for hills .. Be elusive and mysterious ..
And if you need a perk up come back on we will all rally round .
Take care sweetie x
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou all are so sweet! I know I've been a bit obsessive but only because I'm 27 and have been single my whole life! I honestly am feeling extremely insecure about myself. There have been guys who've liked me but not enough to convince their parents for me(fight for me,) or to give up talking to their ex girlfriends for me, or to give me a second chance, or to try and start something. I've never been the one, I've just been the other girl. I'm heartbroken and jaded.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2013): Sweetie, stop being hard on yourself.. So things didn't follow ideally to what is customary .. So you texted first, you met him in his city etc you chatted alot .. So what!! That is you.. We can not, should not change our personalitys because of someone we met.. And I'm different from my patents who had different structure upbring than myself to my own daughters will be different from me.. ( I do run a strict but loving home) Society changes and even though our religious values don't, we do to some extent.. Your a modern women with values and morals in a modern world.. What does he want someone. Who speaks when he allows? If this is not you?? Then don't think of it anymore . You did nothing wrong . Go out with friends family, do not text him ... If he is interested he will pick back up where you two left off. Keep looking ... He may not be your mr right ..Take time .. Chemistry is good it keeps the home fires burning, but can also wain, if there is not more substance to the relationship . Take care and keep smiling sweetie. X
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (20 July 2013):
 Can I say INTENSE!!!
You are overthinking this situation so much you run the risk of making yourself ill...stop it and relax.
Wait until after Ramadan, if he does not message you then you know he just wasn't that into you as you were into him.
Of course you can text him and ask how he is but seriously if he isn't contacting you (after the Ramadan period) then you have your answer and it's not worth getting yourself so worked up.
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male
reader, Xearo +, writes (20 July 2013):
I can't really tell because I don't know these rules you speak of. But I guess I'm a little absent minded as well when it comes to dating. Well maybe you should be patient but in the mean time you can keep your search open. I think you will find someone sooner or later who will be perfect for you. Always be sure to ask questions to allow the other person to open up. We often succumb to talking about ourselves and this makes dating harder :)
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