A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just a simple question, I know everybody has their own opinions on people who have nose jobs. But please don't be judgemental and say those who do are 'shallow, stupid, fake' or any other insulting and personal comment. Because it depends on the person and my sister isn't any of that.Basically, she lied and told her friends that she broke her nose and that since they had to reshape it anyways, she asked to have it altered differently. I asked why didn't she just say the truth which was she has secretly been insecure about it and wanted it done for years, so after years of saving she got a nose job. And her reply was that saying the other way saves all the questions, the insulting comments of how she's stupid, shallow or such and she knew her friends wouldn't understand why she got it done, or they might change their opinion on her and that thought scares her more than the comments. I understand where she's coming from, because I suppose unless I had her nose I wouldn't understand and the comments and friends thinking differently of her is horrible. Other than myself, mum and dad nobody else knows the truth and I don't see how they would find out. But what I wanted to know was what's your opinion on this, do you think she should have just been honest about getting a nose job intentionally.. Or do you think her saying the other thing is still alright to do?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (15 July 2013):
 The whole point behind the difference between personal and public is that what you are not required to tell is personal. She is not required to tell therefore it's personal.
Since most of us feel the need to justify actions to others (as opposed to saying "mind your own business" to folks which is seen for some reason as RUDE) her choice was to tell whatever story she wanted.
it's not right or wrong, it's HER choice.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Hey, my sister did break her nose years ago and it was reshaped by a plastic surgeon as she destroyed the bridge of her nose in the accident.
Was she entirely happy with her nose before? Probably not. Should she have had the same nose rebuilt? The only one who had that right to determine what was best for her was… my sister!
It's up to your sister to decide how she wants to deal with the shallow judgemental people who believe they have a right to comment on what other people should or shouldn't do. What, did you expect her to say, "I was so miserable with my nose that I had to change it"?
I think she did the right thing for herself and I hope she has many happy years with that nose. :)
What she chose to do was the right thing for her. You may have chosen a different way to handle unwanted comments and questions, but that is your prerogative.
Good for her for doing what was healthy for herself.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (14 July 2013):
 Your sister is not obliged to offer any kind of explanation, truthful or otherwise, to anyone about her reasons for getting a nose job. Fear of people's judgment of plastic surgery is only part of the reason, OP. She doesn't tell people the truth because she doesn't want others to know how deeply it affected her. And that is her right.You know how it feels when you say or do something you regret, or something humiliating happens to you and you wish you could go back in time and erase it so that it never happened? That is how your sister feels about her old nose. Obviously she can't go back in time so the next best thing is to fix it in a way or at a time that draws the least amount of attention and allows her to maintain her privacy. In her mind, her old nose defined who she was and how the world saw her. When she has gained confidence and enough time has passed for her to learn (on her own) that she is not defined by her nose, then she may decide to be open about it. In the meantime, that wound is still too raw for her to expose it to others. Opponents of plastic surgery should really stop and reflect on their own conduct. They claim those who want to improve their appearance are shallow, but can they honestly say they have never, in all their lives, made remarks about another person's weight, height, hair cut, wardrobe, body hair, teeth, or anything else they think isn't up to code? EVER? Or stolen glances when they thought that person wasn't looking? Are they less shallow when they comment about celebrities?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): I don't blame her for lying. It is her personal business and there is nothing wrong with what she did.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): I had a nose job at 21- 9 years later not even my closest friends know. Only my family and husband, not even my in laws. It's my health history and it's private... I went through surgery. It may have been for esthetic reasons, however it was still invasive surgery that altered me. Why would it be anyones business?? Part of being a grown up is not spilling the beans to your friends on every issue/problem/insecurity you have in life. It's not their right to know the in-n-outs of all your decisions. To me it is classless to tell everyone everything about yourself. Refined people keep their financial, personal and health information close to them and if they share something it's with a select few. hope this makes sense.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): Opening up to people about personal body issues and insecurities is really hard. It often shows a weakness within you that you don't want to share with others. People want to appear strong and confident. Not meek and insecure. It probably would require alot of explaining if she was honest. People would most certainly ask why and she would have to get into details about deep seeded insecurities that she probably just doesn't want to have to open up about to anyone. It's embarrassing to say, "I got a nose job because I hate my nose and I feel self conscious about it." And then have to deal with the criticism, or people trying to talk her out of it, or the lectures. She just thought it'd be easier to do what she knew in her heart she wanted to do without having to deal with any dissent. Furthermore, people aren't stupid. I am sure her friends deep down know that she got a nose job because she was insecure. But since she gave her excuse, now she doesn't have to deal with the comments or the questions. Even though they likely deep down know, they have to accept her excuse and will probably be more sensitive about not prying or delving too deep. That's probably all your sister wants. I knew a few girls in high school who got plastic surgery too. One got a breast reduction and another got a nose job. The one who got the nose job also made up a lie about why she got the nose job. My sister herself got a breast augmentation in college. I don't see anything wrong with plastic surgery. I went to a plastic surgeon once myself for removal of these stretch marks I have from when I went through my growth spurt. Unfortunately he could do nothing about it. While I think people should be happy with themselves and it is sad to see pretty girls changing their bodies to fit a stereotype, it is what it is. At the end of the day, it is nobody's business what someone else does with their own body as long as they are not hurting anyone. Every person I know who has had plastic surgery is totally happy with their decision. That's all that matters.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 July 2013):
 If she were here instead of you, I'd advise her to tell the truth, as there is nothing to be ashamed of. However, there is, unfortunately, a stigma about plastic surgery. People do judge just like you said, calling those who use plastic surgery "fake".
As for you, don't get too irritated that she didn't have the courage to face the stigma. Don't take it personally, and most DEFINITELY don't cause a family rift over it. In a way, you are also perpetuating the stigma by being upset that she doesn't "come clean" about it.
Two other things -- I suspect that the older she gets, the more comfortable she is just telling people the truth. The second thing -- unless her friends are stupid, they would know that doctors, especially in the US, don't just "throw in" a nose job while fixing a broken nose. Physicians and insurance companies absolutely don't bundle procedures. They'd be all over someone who adds cosmetic enhancements, which are complicated and very expensive.
Don't pressure her too much. While the best idea is always to tell the truth, and her more intelligent friends wouldn't buy her lie (I'd pick it apart in 15 seconds, but I would be polite and respect her privacy), it's a white lie, and there are *very* few of those.
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A
female
reader, rose the relationship solver  +, writes (13 July 2013):
 ok....we all no its not ok to lie,BUT..... she feels people would judge her, then its down to her...we all know whats right but she has done it and all you need to do is support her xx good luck
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 July 2013):
 I think saying the other thing is fine. If this is the way she wishes to explain her nose job then it's perfectly OK.
I don't see why she has to bear her soul and be 'honest' to her friends over such a matter because it simply does not matter. Is anyone going to be terribly offended if she says one thing rather than another?...Nope, because it's none of their business to be honest.
People have alteration surgery for all kinds of reasons and just because they did, does not mean they owe it to the world and his wife any explaination...it's private and personal and it's up to the person how they choose to handle it.
If your sister is afraid of people's comments then to me they sound like a load of petty bitches and deserved to be ignored...as you get older you learn that these kinds of people are pathetic and shallow and you just don't have the time to pay them any notice...
Life goes on!!!
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