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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I have been so bummed lately and it's because I haven't had a date in years. I am divorced and tried online dating, and it is not working for me. No matter what I do I can't get a date. I have been told that I am very attractive and I am not overweight. Most of the guys I come in contact with just want sex from me. I just recently got stood up and that has made it worse. It doesn't matter if the guy is younger or older, or my age, I have no luck with men. Something always goes wrong. I get all the creeps, rapists, and jailbirds. I don't believe you can meet someone in a church, at a mall, the library etc. because I don't have that kind of luck and that's all there is. I don't want to grow old and have no one in my life. Most of the time I have a really good positive attitude and I'm not stuck up or anything but I just don't know why I can't get a date. I had a few guys on the dating site tell me that they masturbate and think of me and I didn't know whether to be flattered or benervous. I need some advice cause I feel like giving up. Thanks for reading this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments everyone.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): Just wait.....while waiting the right person...make yourself busy those activities that your comfortable...
Don't be scared ...there are more older than you...
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 Crikey!! what sort of dating site are you on? Is it a paid site?
Internet dating can be a game of endurance and it's true that you have to sift through a lot of people to find someone you feel connected to. I am not sure those personality match sites work either because you can tick a million boxes and still find something wrong with a date.
I also think internet dating gives people an idea that they will achieve perfection and as humans, we are all flawed in some way. We judge so easily and dont really give people a chance.
I am sorry you got 'jailbirds' and 'rapists' (do men actually put that they are a rapist on their profile????)
Some things like these are not acceptable and some things need work...maybe you start talking to someone and he has a diverting hobby or doesn't dress the way you like...it's NOT a disaster and those things may change over time as you get into a relationship.
Perhaps you are giving out certain signals on your dating profile unknowingly?
Putting overly sexual pics will get you attention...but the wrong kind of attention!! A nice face shot, with a nice smile will attract more people who may want to get to know the person behind the smile!!
Some men WILL just be looking for sex but a lot more won't, so you have to just focus on the ones who actually want to know more than the size of your bust!!!
Try not to be too defensive, because every new contact is an opportunity but if they start to act up then politely say goodbye.
Don't lose hope, just give people, you might not instantly find attractive, a fair chance because sometimes a caterpillar turns into a butterfly and it can take time for someone to open up to you.
I have met someone very nice from the internet and am now dating him. He's no oil painting (but neither am I)but he's a nice person and I am really enjoying his company. I met him on Match.com.
Wasn't instantly attracted to him pic, but in person, he looks very nice and there is something about him that has made me want to continue dating him. We are both 48...so it can be done.
Good luck and I hope you get to date someone soon xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): Somehow I feel that a better and "safer " way to meet people is through shared activities that are not centered on the act of finding a partner. E.g. get involved in activities that interest you, volunteer work, sports, professional organizations, religious organizations, book clubs etc. Only a small percentage of the people you meet in these activities might be single and looking for a relationship but the advantage is that you can observe them from a distance first through these shared activities where the emphasis isn't on trying to get a date. And even if you don't find anyone single and compatible, you will make friends who - if you inform them that you're interested in dating - could be a valuable resource if they have friends who are also single and the advantage is that such a date would be vetted by people you already know. There are lots of single and divorced and widowed people out there so someone you know has got to know someone who could potentially be compatible with you. However this is a lot of effort so I don't blame you of you're not keen on it. I guess you should only do it if you derive benefit and enjoyment from those activities in and of themselves whether or not you meet someone through it. But that's the whole point. How do you meet people? By being around people regularly. In college and as a young adult this is easy. You and your friends are not tied down with kids and mortgages so you do a lot more socializing and thus increase the odds you will find someone. Then when you get older and you marry and have kids that's when people retreat to themselves and just their spouse and work. Then if the spouse disappears (divorce or death) you're left all alone but used to being a hermit. The point is to get back to being more social so you can meet people. The larger your network of friends, the more single people you have access to through their friends and families.
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A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. Wanting someone and not being able to find someone can be extremely frustrating and lonely.
First off -- guys do want sex. Many men at your age have been in marriages where the sex dwindled to nothing and they are worried about getting involved in another relationship where they are being held in check with someone who uses sex as a bargaining tool or who just plain isn't interested. While I 100% respect your stance of not getting into that sort of relationship off the bat, you do have to understand that guys will want it at some point. If you come off as cold, you will repel potential suitors. Please note: I am not telling you to be promiscuous or lower your standards...
Secondly, while you may be pretty, do a double check. Your friends won't be brutally honest with you. While you may be pretty, be sure that you look like you put some effort into yourself. That means your clothes, your general appearance and your figure. If you don't already, go to the gym -- fitness can work wonders for your self-esteem, your health and is a great place to meet like-minded individuals. Also, note that many "good" men may be afraid to approach you if you are "too" beautiful. So you may have to be the one that approaches guys.
Be interesting: make sure you have some hobbies that you can share with someone. Whether it be hiking, running, playing tennis, playing board games, etc. Often time social groups revolve around these type of events. Get involved and perhaps check out www.meetup.com.
Make sure you have time: if you have lots of children to care for, are constantly broke, or have a demanding job, guys may be turned off by it. Be sure that you have time to invest into caring for someone -- your efforts will be returned.
Finally, don't give up. The dating scene and finding some is TOUGH and often a soul draining experience. We experience joy, as well as sadness and major let downs. Unfortunately that is part of the process. Also keep in mind that as we age the number of available men who don't have a lot of baggage gets less. (Let's face it, many of the good ones are married). That doesn't mean there aren't good guys out there -- just be ready to snap one up and realize that just like you were in your 20's, you had to weed through a lot of bad guys to find a good one.
You may want to go to your local book store and browse the book section for relationship / dating advice. They may offer you plenty of advice on making Internet dating work and finding the right match for you.
Eddie
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A
female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 July 2013):
 Maybe you need to join some sort of social organisation for single people. In the UK we have quite a few of them where you can join like minded people for various activities. If you're not sporty then try dancing. I did. I have met most people I know through dancing. For me it's ballroom but there is also Ceroc (also called French jive) which is a massive singles activity over here. Do you have it where you live? If so then go along. You will meet other women who you can chat to which will make you feel a whole lot better that you're not on your own. You will also get to meet men and become friends with them and some of those friendships could turn to romance. I know a lot of couples who have met through dancing and are very happy. Internet dating is very hit and miss. Ironically I actually met my partner through internet and introduced him to dancing, but prior to him I met an awful lot of time wasters.
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