A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Advice or just opinions needed please. I'm due to move home after a very painful and drawn out split from my long term partner, who was a binge drinker and abusive. My health became very bad due to the stress of his behaviour and I could no longer pay my mortgage for my beautiful flat that I 'rescued' from being a wreck over many years. The worry of not being able to pay my mortgage was making my health worse. However, from the proceeds of my sale I am able to purchase a flat five minutes away in a very lovely street for cash - one of the most desirable in this area of London and only six minutes from a very well connected train station, but still very peaceful and with a lovely feel. It is less than half the size of my current one and has no private garden - and I adore gardening. It does have a fairly large communal front garden that no-one else cares about and that I'd be happy to care for. I know I will find the change of space difficult, but I feel that getting rid of my mortgage more than makes up for this loss of space and will hopefully allow me to feel positive about everything, including starting a new relationship. However, I had a survey done on the new property - which is a dump but I love doing up property and am good at it - and the surveyor said that not all mortgage lenders will be prepared to lend on it if I want to sell it to someone in future - because it is so small - it is less than 350 square feet. I know I can make it small but gorgeous but this news is really worrying me - and I feel so hopeless about ever being in a relationship that , crazy as it sounds, I feel like people will think I'm some failed, ageing woman living in a tiny flat ,alone! Can someone please reassure me that having a small flat will not stop me from having a loving relationship in future!!!??? I know it sounds nuts, but my home life was completely wrecked by my ex partner, and somehow home and relationship seem very tied together in my mind. Also, I'm not doing this to make profit, but I would like to rest assured that it will sell on if necessary...the worry of this not being possible is likely to make me ill...do all surveys err on the side of caution? I've seen other flats very slightly larger than this one, but I think I can make mine even nicer.Also, any tips about adapting to downsizing would be most welcome indeed.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (16 July 2013):
 Most welcome :)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2013): Thank you Ciar, this really helps a lot!
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A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (15 July 2013):
OP, there are many people out there who don't even own their own home and they manage to find love. Owning a small flat will absolutely not decrease your chances, but in fact INcrease them.
Owning the property without a mortgage means you'll have greater financial freedom and therefore greater peace of mind. The money you would have paid a bank can instead go to investments, travel, self improvement and gardening in the new place, and will help improve your overall well being, which makes you even more attractive to others.
OP, I'd say you have it made. Your own place, that you actually OWN by yourself. Not you and the bank or you and some man.
Enjoy your new home!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): This is all so helpful and reassuring, thank you so much, I really appreciate the time it took you to think about my situation and to respond!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2013): "one of the most desirable in this area of London and only six minutes from a very well connected train station, but still very peaceful and with a lovely feel"As the old saying goes, the three most important things in real estate are location, location, location. You can fix up a small rundown flat in a desirable neighborhood but you can't fix up a rundown neighborhood surrounding a large well-maintained house. A small urban flat would appeal to a young career-driven professional looking only for a place to sleep close to work, or as a second home/city getaway for country dwellers, and should you eventually sell after rehabbing then you will almost certainly get back exponentially more than you invested. As one forced to downsize a few years by circumstances beyond my control, I quickly learned to enjoy the joys of an uncluttered, simple life unencumbered by all the stuff I previously thought I could never live without.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (13 July 2013):
 If the flat is in London, you will always be able to find a buyer no matter how small it is (you bought it didn't you? and in a run down state). If it's done up, you could sell a broom cupboard in London and probably make a profit!
I downsized after my divorce a number of years ago and went from a large spaciaous semi detached house to a victorian terraced house in a small village. Since the kids have left, I can't say I notice the loss in space all that much and my garden is no more than a tiny yard but I still grow loads of stuff in pots.
As for the relationship thing, well thats a tough one. I date from time to time but I kinda know I probably won't be in a long term thing again because I love my space and freedom too much. I don't mind things lasting a few months but most men I have dated, cannot get their heads around why I don't want to se them all the time. I know it's different for you as you seem to want a relationship desperately, it's harder when your older but not impossible and I really don't think most men would worry where you live if they like you that much.
It's actually an asset to own your own home, means you have more money for other things like hobbies, travelling etc. Most people are renting and that can be a drag.
You did the right thing by getting out of an abusive relationship, give yourself time, move into your new place and make it home and throw the rest to the cosmos!!
What will be will be and you are luckier than most in some rspects!
Try to stay positive xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2013): You know what - when I met my now husband - I was unemployed and living in a very lovely but sweet little flat that I had done up - when I had money before I lost my job! He didn't seem to mind if I lived in my flat or a palace - hand on heart ;-)
If someone likes you - they like you for you and all that is you. I am sure there will be a conversation about the past and having to move but love - true love is not about money.
With regards to property itself - it really is best to get the best advise that is possible. My flat is small etc but it's in a lovely area and I know that I could sell it when the time is right.
Take some time to heal - be on your own and enjoy friends and family and the rest will all fall into place.
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