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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I had been talking to a younger guy on a dating site and he is the most gorgeous guy I have ever seen. He said I was very beautiful in my profile and we had a few chats. He has called me hun from the beginning and it made me feel nice. I am 47 and he is 25. Lately he hasn't been online and before during our chats he would talk about meeting and saying things that were sensual and romantic. I tried not to appear too needy and didn't always contact him when I saw that he was online. When I tried to Im him some message came up and I thought he didn't want to speak to me so I was a little confused. Another time the box had closed and I couldn't get him back on there. The only way I could reach him was through the email(inbox) so I had left a message and he would not get back to me for days. Then out of the blue he would answer or apologize. I even asked him if he was mad at me which didn't make sense because we never had a fight or anything, our chats were always good and we would flirt and share our fantasies. I was happy again but now for example, he would ask me how my weekend was and I would answer him and ask him how his was and again he didn't respond for days. I can't stop thinking about him and couldn't understand why he would act like he is so into me and then disappear. He told me some private fantasies about him and me. I left him one last message hoping he will answer it. He is still online and hasn't closed his account and I know he is chatting with other girls and that is okay, but he told me that I was the best conversation on there. I know a lot of guys on dating sites want sex and will say things to get girls to like them. Should I just forget him and find someone else? I am already talking to another guy on there and I have a few pen pals.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a paying member I was just browsing and I came across it on the internet.
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke  +, writes (30 July 2013):
 Are you using free dating sites? Go for a paid one and you'll meet better people.
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your comments. I had been finding out things about some of the guys on there and a few of them have lied about their age. They told me the truth but it's just good to be cautious. As far as photos and if they are who they say they are that's another story.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really got hung up on this guy not only because he is very good looking, but we had some common interests. I have been off the site for a while just to take a break from it. If and when I do go back on I will continue speaking with my pen pals this way I don't expect anything more. At this point I don't know if a relationship is right for me. I'm devoting time to myself and I realize now that you can't get too wrapped up in anything these guys say because in the long run actions speak louder than words. I also have this thing where I don't want to come across as stuck up if I reject a guy. Some of my friends say I should not chat with them or don't call them right away when they give their phone number and that I don't owe them anything. Just be friendly and let them know what you're looking for.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 July 2013):
 It sounds like a good plan. The only thing is that, for actually DATING the type of person you like , you 'd have to attract / intrigue / interest the object of your desires enough that he could bother to come and see you in person , and actually ask you out on dates and spend time with you. Which so far has failed to happen, at least with the guy you are writing about .
I don't see a problem with age gap RELATIONSHIPS, I had a couple too, and long term, to boot. I don't even see a problem with being a serial,recreational cougar, if that's what floats your boat.
But I think there is a problem in confusing wishes with actual facts, illusions with the reality of what's going on , the weight of self-serving compliments and dating- site banalities with the weight of real actions. In short, in applying the expectations, thoughts and behaviours-including your current sense of let down and disappointment,- which pertain to a dating situation... to what may be a fun game,- but clearly dating is not.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to make it clear that I have been with men my age and I married a man much older than me. I am divorced and I have a few close friends that I see. As for an update, I am still corresponding with my pen pals and speaking to a few men. The problem with this is that people men and women are acting as if being over 40 is a horrible thing. I feel much younger now than I did when I was 20. I don't have to date men my age. I will date anyone I have common interests with. I will not date anyone who I'm not attracted to, otherwise what is the point? That is the point of my post.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (27 July 2013):
Then if it is so, OP, ....i.e. you are just normally flattered by the sexual attention of a younger man, you attach to it no particular expectations and no depth of feelings, you are only after a pleasant little ego boost ( venial sin which we all commit at some point ) , you are aware that in this type of situations, and tenfold on line, it's easy comes easy goes, and with rare exceptions there's no way of developing anything consistent or meaningful,... then what's your problem / your question ?
This is how the game is played, the guy was interested for a while, then he got distracted by other options, other offers. It could have lasted less, it could have lasted more, or he could be distracted now then pop up again when he's tired of his current new friends : there's no guarantee- words on a screen are never a guarantee of anything.
If you were/ are aware of that, and did not attach particular hopes of any particular outcome with this boy- then, tbh, I am missing the very point of your post.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat is with the harsh comments about my question? To the female reader who said I am believing this is something that
is real. I never said that in my post. Don't judge me cause you did the same thing looking for younger guys. At my age I am flattered that any young man compliments me on my looks and my body. And another thing there was no pretend relationship so I don't know where you're getting that from.
At the end of my question I stated that I am already speaking to other men and I have some pen pals. And I don't have a son or daughter that are 25. I don't have kids so I am free to date or sleep with anyone if I choose as long as as the guy is happy with me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 July 2013): I do not think anyone is being harsh. I think they are just telling you what you did not want to read. You are believing this is something real when in fact, it is not. It should not be this complicated, especially with someone you have never met. And how do you know that he liked you, because he said so over a chat? Look, you need to separate fantasy from reality. If this guy was really interested in you he would have already suggested or made plans to meet you in person. After you meet in person is when either of you could really determine if you "like" each other and want to take it further.I am the same age as you, and I too look a lot younger than I really am. About every couple months I get FB friend requests from young guys around my kids ages because they were trolling around and stumbled upon me based on me being fb friends with their friend. It's quite ackward when they figure out it's their friend's mother lol. The difference between you and me is I would not be interested in a 25 year old because I have children that age and it's just creepy to me in that regard. I suppose if it was just for sex, well, that might be fun for a while, but I would want someone who would be around the same intellectual level as myself as well as life experiences...not even close at that age. He wants to go out and party like a rockstar and I want to have dinner and drinks with my friends. Regardless of my view, you are having personal feelings for words on a computer screen and that's really the issue. You did not grow up in this generation of what the young adults are doing with this "on-line dating" so you really should know the difference between communicating with someone on-line to meet them in person for a possible relationship, and just chatting with someone on a computer screen and building a pretend relationship with someone you have never met. I would take a look at why you are going this route and exactly what you think you are going to get out of it.
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I apologise for giving you a harsh answer, I shouldn't have been so blunt. I'm afraid the age gap thing very rarely works. I have seen several age gap relationships completely fall apart. I know several 50 something women who now find themselves stuck with 70 something husbands and they're all very unhappy. Unless you're exceptionally lucky I think anybody, male or female, is setting themselves up for a lot of heartache later on in life if they enter into an age gap relationship. I had the opportunity to have a relationship with somebody 17yrs my junior but I refused him, despite his insistence, because I could see all the pitfalls. He went on to meet somebody else, had a baby (which I am too old to bear)and is settled into family life.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (26 July 2013):
 I don't think the age gap is why he isn't in touch. He would not have talked to you in the first place if it was a problem!
But I think he has maybe just changed his mind and that's easy to do when you are communicating by internet and have not yet met...a simple click of a button and a person can dissapear into the ether...it's that simple.
Don't be upset or obsess over it (as us women tend to do). Open up your opportunities and get to know people closer to home. I am sorry you feel so upset and it's tough to go through, but it will pass. If he does contact you again then you can decide where to go from there xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou don't have to be so harsh. I have been told I don't look my age at all. He did like me I know he did and that's all that matters. Why put me down because of my age? When men seek out much younger women they are considered studs.
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female
reader, malvern +, writes (25 July 2013):
Sorry but you need to get real!!! He's 25, do you really think he's interested in you! He's just playing a game. Get back on that website and find somebody your own age.
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female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (25 July 2013):
 Yes, forget about him.As others have said here and in response to other questions related to online dating, you absolutely must never lose sight of the fact that what happens online isn't real life until you make it happen in real life. I don't care what someone says or shares with you in an inbox - if they haven't said or shared the same things with you face-to-face, it's not (yet) legitimate.Unless you're content just chatting with people online for conversation as opposed to trying for an authentic relationship, then you really need to make an effort to meet these people in person. Wait to share your fantasies and whatever with these people when you actually meet them, lest all it will ever be is a fantasy.So yes, move along from this young dude, and ask out one of the other men with whom you've been writing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013): It's all a fantasy...nothing that is being typed on your computer is anything more than words. You do not even know for sure that the person you are chatting with is really who he says he is (and he may be thinking the same of you). And he might be realizing that he is getting into this fantasy a bit too much with a women who is old enough to be his mother.
Why not try meeting someone in real life, and perhaps someone who you would likely have a lot more in common with.
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male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (25 July 2013):
It sounds like he's not interested, otherwise he'd suggest you meet up with him, right?
Time to move on and get to know other people.
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female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (25 July 2013):
Hey, it's on line. Not the real life. You've got to take everything with a pinch of salt. The guy is 25, you can bet he's talking to dozens of other women, and he's telling them too they are special, unique, the best. Because he needs to keep them, and you, sweet , just as much as necessary to get out of them,and you, what he wants- some entertainment, some relief to boredom, some ego boost- some cybersex. What you call " sharing our fantasies " sounds elegant and intimate said this way, in practice you provided him some wanking material, and , as much as he appreciated it, he does not need it all the time, and I am sure he likes variety in that too.
You are applying to this cyberfling the thoughts and expectations and hopes which would pertain to a relationship, which most probably is not - it's intead fun and games, a passtime, a hobby- a fantasy. When you try to steer it in the direction of something more consistent, more demanding, with expectations of regular ,steady communication etc.- he runs for the hills.
I am not saying that it's impossible to find love on line, I know ( few ) people who did. I am saying that you can't be so naive and starry eyed and just assume that because some starnger calls you " hun " ( big feat ) he is really into you and / or wants more than the occasional itch scratching.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2013):
I agree with aunty em here, you have done nothing wrong.. The trouble with guys at 25 is they tend to think with not the head on their shoulders .. It's a true fact they are led very much with the hormones ..
He is not on there to start a relationship, for him it's fun and games and sex if he can get it..
Move on . Try looking for someone your own age to go out and about with.. Get some new hobbies and interests .. And be kind to yourself .. Plus you deserve better than hormonal i don't give a cwap boy ..
Take care . Walk tall and keep smiling x
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (25 July 2013):
If he isn't responding to you, then there isn't really anything you can do. Try not to take it to heart, he probably did like chatting with you but perhaps he's backed off a bit because he had second thoughts...people do change their minds, and dating sites are notorious for mixed messages and assumption.
Why not try and go out on a date or two and be face to face with someone for a while. It makes it much easier to get to know them and then you can decide if things will go further.
We have all been hung up on someone or other in our lives...it just happens and doesn't mean you did anything wrong.
Keep your chin up xxx
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