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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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He wants to move and doesn't want kids and we can't agree on these things!
Q. PLEASE help me! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years now. He is 36 and I'm almost 28. He has two children from a previous marriage, and I've never been married although I have been in serious relationships before. He and I get along ...
A. 6 November 2010: In response to CheekyFriday:
For the love of God, do not just "fall pregnant" without consulting with him. That's one of the cruelest thigns you can do to a man, a child, and yourself.
And don't characterize this as just a hangup - what if... (read in full...)
How do I know that she isn't just using me to get what she wants and then just cut me out once she's done?
Q. I met this girl in my biology class last year and we really seemed to get along. The only thing is that she always asked if she could copy my hw and, being the nice person that i am, i let her. and now a yr later she's in my chem class and she's ...
A. 5 November 2010: I don't think texting is enough to qualify as not being used, but if it's enough to satisfy you, that's great. Still say you should try to get her to introduce her cute friends, though.... (read in full...)
He seeks out young women online to sexually entertain him, compared to them I feel like I am not good enough
Q. My husband is 49 and I am 53. We have been married for 13 years. He watches and masturbates to young women around 21-23 years of age, stripping and masturbating on line. I take good care of myself and have a good figure but now feel like I am ...
A. 5 November 2010: Physically, his body really needs the release of seeing young, fertile, attractive women as he whacks of. Porn would be fine for that, so long as it did not interfere with your marital sex life.
However, interacting live with women on webcams ... (read in full...)
My fiance has sexual dreams about other women - is this normal?
Q. my fiance has continuous sexual dreams of other women while he's sleeping and he wakes calling out their names. is this in any way normal?...
A. 5 November 2010: Is your mattress really old and lumpy? I know I had really vivid dreams and would talk in my sleep until I replaced it a year ago. Haven't had that problem since.
I have no data or scientific evidence that replacing the mattress works, just tha... (read in full...)
Dad thinks he's a lackluster boyfriend because he dosen't put me on a pedestal. Is he?
Q. Hello all. I've been with my guy almost 2 years, and things have been pretty smooth. No arguments, though some disagreements. He's my 1st guy, I'm his 4th girl. "Jack" is a nice guy to everyone he meets. Guys or girls, he would give them the sh...
A. 5 November 2010: Usually, I'd say to listen to your father, he knows what he's about.
However, I'm strongly of the belief that "putting a woman on a pedestal" is the fastest way to turn her off and end the relationship. Counterintuitively, being distant and a li... (read in full...)
Does anyone wait till marriage to have sex?
Q. I know that in our culture, sex is made into a large part of life, from what we see in movies, to what hear in music, there's no getting past it! so my question is, does anyone wait until marriage anymore? I firmlybelieve that waiting is the best ...
A. 5 November 2010: There are still some people who wait. There's also some evidence that waiting until marriage decreases your odds of divorce (thought that comes from the Heritage Foundation, who have a definite conservative bias, so take it for what it's worth).
... (read in full...)
I'm a 16 year old virgin and freaking out!
Q. Hey everyone. So this is a bit of an embaressing question, but hopefully you can give me some advice. I've just turned 16 and im still a virgin, but I'm really worried about having sex for the first time. I'm seeing this really lovely guy at the ...
A. 5 November 2010: I'm told it hurts a bit. Just be sure to ask the guy to go really slowly. If he likes your body when you're wearing clothes, he will like it at least that much naked - probably more. Going completely shaved below is great for some guys; others ... (read in full...)
He wants to move and doesn't want kids and we can't agree on these things!
Q. PLEASE help me! My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 1/2 years now. He is 36 and I'm almost 28. He has two children from a previous marriage, and I've never been married although I have been in serious relationships before. He and I get along ...
A. 5 November 2010: I believe the "move to Colorado" dream can be put off for the time being - though, if he can afford to retire at 50, he must be damn good with money, especially with a divorce and two kids. It's the sort of thign I think he'd compromise on, but the ... (read in full...)
Is masturbating just like having sex?
Q. i always press on my virginia tell i orgasm and it's feel cool but the thing is that i want to stay a virgin tell my wedding night and i think that this is like having sex ,i just cant stop it am still a young teen what can i do?? ...
A. 5 November 2010: Well, masturbating doesn't count as losing your virginity. However, masturbating (or other activities, like soccer) may break your hymen long before you first have sex, so when your wedding night comes, don't worry if you don't bleed or anything.
... (read in full...)
Sex during a women's period?
Q. i have a question, for both male and females, the question for female is when you on your period would u want to please your boyfriend if he wanted sex and for males will you pressure your girlfriend to please you when she on her period ...
A. 5 November 2010: Depends on what you mean by "pressure." If you mean, would I make it clear that I'm horny and want satisfaction, then yes - that's called being honest and open. But I would also be clear that I'm not going to break up with her or anything like ... (read in full...)
Why do I think about a boy who makes me cry? I have a boyfriend already!
Q. I'm so confused =[ I have the greatest boyfriend in the world! He loves me with all his heart and I love him too. He's very caring, super understand and always ALWAYS there for me. Only problem is he doesn't live here. He recently moved away, we'v...
A. 5 November 2010: "He stood me up many times..which I know my boyfriend would never do...He takes forever to reply to my texts..My boyfriend replies in a matter of seconds."
That's why. It's more dramatic, it's unreliable, it makes you question your self worth - ... (read in full...)
How do I know that she isn't just using me to get what she wants and then just cut me out once she's done?
Q. I met this girl in my biology class last year and we really seemed to get along. The only thing is that she always asked if she could copy my hw and, being the nice person that i am, i let her. and now a yr later she's in my chem class and she's ...
A. 5 November 2010: If she's not hanging out with you out of class, she's using you. Try to get her to invite you to parties or introduce you to her attractive single friends.... (read in full...)
Everyone thinks I am a man when I go out in public
Q. For about the past year and a half, when I go out in pulbic people think I am a man. They will say it under their breath as I walk by, "That's a man..." or stare at me for long periods of time, concluding that I am a transvestite. I wear dresses ...
A. 5 November 2010: As much as I love heels, try not wearing them for a while. Losing the extra inches will help a bit.
Tie your hair back in a ponytail to expose your neck and jawline - unless you think they are both unusually masculine. I can't really say from... (read in full...)
I want him to be a part of our sons life more than anything but it feels like he is only interested now because he knows that I'm in a new relationship
Q. Last October I found out I was pregnant with my now ex boyfriends baby. I was unsure about the pregnancy given that I had only just turned 18, however he convinced me that everything would be okay and we were already living together so it would be ...
A. 5 November 2010: Damn, I'm always trying to argue against women seperating guys from their children, and this guy goes and pulls this stunt.
First, stop seeing the new guy and get a paternity test. Prove it's his and erase all doubts from his mind (everyon... (read in full...)
Why does she always ask what I'm up to?
Q. My ex gets in touch with me via msn every few months. This time she asked me if I thought anti-depressants worked, because her doctor had given her them and she knew I take/took them when we went together. In addition to this, she always asks what ...
A. 5 November 2010: If it was more often, I'd say she was genuinely interested in remaining friends. However, if it's only every few months, and only over MSN, it's not that.
She's seeking free attention. It's the female equivalent of making a booty call with an ... (read in full...)
How do I ask my girlfriend to send me nude pics?
Q. Ok so me and my girlfriend have been dating for a while and I really like her and she really likes me, but how do I ask her to send me nude pictures of herself or should I even ask at all thanx in advance....
A. 5 November 2010: At your age, that could land you and her on the sex-offender registry *for life*. That means no living near schools, and a lot of jobs will not be available to you, until you die. Try getting into college with "child pornographer" on your ... (read in full...)
Hey, I'd love some advice, especially from guys out there, about whether it's good to play a little hard to get?
Q. Hey, I'd love some advice, especially from guys out there, about whether it's good to play a little hard to get or not. I've been with my new bf 2 1/2 months. We both work shifts, so don't get to see each other too much. I really like him. He ...
A. 5 November 2010: So long as you don't flake on him, and you return all his calls, being busy with friends or hobbies now and again is entirely healthy. Making him make time for you is fine, to a small extent.
This crosses over from playing to flat-out turnoff ... (read in full...)
Now we're married, she won't have sex
Q. I just got married 3 weeks ago. the woman I married was hypersexual in the past. before we met, she prayed to be delivered from her hypersexual habits. We did not have sex at any time during our engagement. This was a personal choice for both of us. ...
A. 5 November 2010: You have been robbed. Exclusivity implies availability. Some adjustment period from chastity to marital nymphomania is expected, but once in the three weeks immediately following a wedding is B.S.
Are you sure about the hypersexuality? You did ... (read in full...)
Would it be weird to ask your boyfriend of a year, to make you have an orgasm?
Q. Would it be weird to ask your boyfriend of a year, to make you have an orgasm?? Or that you would like to have one??...
A. 5 November 2010: It'd be less awkward to ask for a specific act, with the inetntion that it would lead to orgasm - ask him to finger you, or go down on you.
Not sure you're old enough for sex and sex-related stuff, so you may seriously want to consider putting ... (read in full...)
Boys get erections, so what happens to girls?
Q. i know boys get erections but what do girls get? ...
A. 3 November 2010: Some of the fleshy parts, such as the clitoris, will swell in a similar (but much less pronounced) fashion. The inside of the vagina will actually relax and change shape, gaining "depth" in preperation for sex. The vagina will also start to ... (read in full...)
How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?
Q. I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, ...
A. 3 November 2010: Well, yes, if you want to phrase it as "every man wishes his wife/girlfriend was indescribably hot," then yes, you're right, and the specifics of what 3 or more standard deviations above average are all semantics. "Real man" or not, as if that ... (read in full...)
Admit it guys, you're fantasizing about the girls in porn, the rest is just excuses
Q. I have opinion's I’d like to express about male sexuality. Porn. I understand that not all girls have an issue with it, just as some guys don’t watch it. I often hear of guys feeling like they have to hide it from there spouse. "what they don’t know ...
A. 2 November 2010: I'm going to pick a few sentences and try to refute them. Please let me know if I've misinterpreted any of them, or if you think I'm making an unfair point.
"I don’t understand the defence 'it helps with masturbation' any guy I've ever been wit... (read in full...)
Are stretch marks a turn off for guys?
Q. Hi, this question is for guys and i want to know the male perspective, i have stretch marks on my boobs and i feel really embarrassed to take of my bra in-front of guys, i have big beautiful breast 38 c the only problem is the stretch marks on ...
A. 2 November 2010: Generally, it starts off as a turnoff, but most guys can get over it. How fast they can get over it depends on whether the marks just come from being naturally busty, or from being fat. In the first case, they'll get over it pretty quickly.
... (read in full...)
We had sex and now he threatens to tell my husband if I don't do what he wants!!! Help!
Q. Long story short, I met a guy and we ended up having sex. I'm married. Now he threatens to tell my husband if I don't do what he wants, when he wants. How do I get out of this? Please help me....
A. 2 November 2010: Hoepfully this is a learning experience about cheating.
Your husband will be far more angry if the guy tells him than if you do. Or, you can be blackmailed into doing what this guy wants.
If you have evidence that he is trying to blackmail you... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to stop him?
Q. hiya everyone, feeling troubled at the moment. I'm fourteen and have fallen in love with a seventeen year old who lives on the same street as me, one day he came over and we started kissing (we've been friends for months) and it got quite intense ...
A. 2 November 2010: You're not wrong to stop him. You made the right decision, long-term, for your happiness, and it's good that you were able to respect yourself enough to stop him when things got uncomfortable.
However, just because you did the right thing do... (read in full...)
How can I feel confident when guys clearly want something I'm not?
Q. I find it very hard to feel confident in myself. I can't help but notice that most guys my age (and even older, who you'd think would be more mature) think that plastic, fake looking women are "perfect". I see it countless times on Facebook, blogs, ...
A. 2 November 2010: If it helps, you're not alone. In one way or another, most people feel that they have too much to live up to in the dating pool. Focus on improving your looks and confidence - even a slight improvement in your looks will get reactions, and ... (read in full...)
Is it too late for a good sex life?
Q. Hello there everyone! I am a 26 year old guy who has been married for almost 3 years. My wife and I have always had a great friendship and we love each other very much, however our sex life has been suffering for the last 2 years and it is driving ...
A. 2 November 2010: One sentence really stands out.
"I am the type of guy who will avoid conflict at all costs."
That is the source of every problem right there. Many conflicts are entirely worth having. Part of being a grown man is standing up and demanding a ... (read in full...)
I want her to have everything she has ever wanted, but if she goes away out of my life I think it'll crush me.
Q. Hello. I started dating this wonderful girl recently. She is everything I ever wanted. We had a bit of an odd start as friends. Then she started to pursue me as a little more than friends. Things were going well, until a man from her past came along ...
A. 2 November 2010: She is holding you at arms length because she is not sure she wants to be with you, but is certain she wants to use you as a source of emotional relief. Maybe it will turn into something one day, in her eyes, but first, you should examine what's ... (read in full...)
My friends always choose the wrong men...
Q. I have a few female friends who seem to constantly be attracted to people who hurt them (ex. cheat on them). They seem to like bad boys but they end up hurt. I hate seeing my friends hurt. Any advice? ...
A. 2 November 2010: Women are attracted to two sets of traits in guys: one is the sexually attractive part, and the other is the romantically attractive part. The two are different, but not mutually exclusive.
The traits that women find sexually attractive - confid... (read in full...)
Anal or vaginal?
Q. What feels better for either the male or female? Anal or vaginal sex? My boyfriend and i tried anal before vaginal and now i am afraid that when we have vaginal sex it won't feel as good for him. We are conserving our vaginal virginity for after ...
A. 2 November 2010: He won't stop loving vaginal, trust me. I somewhat doubt that he'll even prefer anal, but some guys do. Either way, it will not be a letdown.
Focus on maintaining a mutually satisfactory sex life - if you give him what he wants, then he'll gi... (read in full...)
I find it tough to find attractive women who fancy me! Should I lower my standards??
Q. Hi guys can you help? I'm 32 (embarrassed that a guy my age is even on here) and feel I'm getting on now and need to find a decent girlfriend. I’ve been single for 2/3 years now but to be honest girlfriends have always been hard to find. (before ...
A. 2 November 2010: Don't be embarrassed. The only stupid questions are the ones you don't ask on an anonymous internet message board.
Anyway, you claim girls you fancy didn't like you back. Does that mean the girls you don't fancy did, sometimes, like you? Ex... (read in full...)
Should I have sex with her even although I'm a virgin?
Q. I'm a virgin, and this really attractive, and fairly experienced girl wants to have sex with me.. I really would rather save myself the embarrassment of telling her I'm a virgin, but then she'll probably think I'm just shit in bed, i don't know what ...
A. 2 November 2010: If you're embarrassed, don't say anything. Some girls like the idea of colelcting v-cards, others refuse to do so. If she asks directly, don't lie, but don't volunteer anything either.
As for being good/bad in bed, if you can get her off by f... (read in full...)
Every time he is out with his friends I turn into a HORRIBLE control freak when he doesn't answer my text right away. How can I stop being this way?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost a year now and we have been living together for about three months. My issue is I have been treating him horribly lately. I get angry at the smallest of things and lash out on him. Every time he is out ...
A. 2 November 2010: Promiscuity is hard to get over. It's usually a strong indicator that someone will not be faithful - not a guarantee, just an indicator. Still, you discomfort is natural.
With that said, if you're going to date him anyway, you need to trust hi... (read in full...)
What kind of gift do you get for the man who has everything?
Q. Hey everyone! I know this is very early but I'm eager to get my best friend a present as soon as possible-but he seems to have everything already! He's got nice clothes, colognes, guitars, books by the thousands on his Kindle, and movies and ...
A. 1 November 2010: Cerberus is right. Same advice I give any guy looking to get a gift for a chick, is to give an experience.
Get two tickets to a good show (concert, circus, improv comedy, boxing match, whatever works for him). Or spend a day at the beach ta... (read in full...)
How do I answer the doctor's question?
Q. before i ask my question i really need to ask you not to consider my age, i just need help on the question thank you. I want to go on the pill soon because i have very heavy periods and every month they kill! I know some of the questions that the...
A. 1 November 2010: Answer the question exactly the way you just described it here. Ask if either fingering or oral count as "active" in the medical sense. Don't be embarassed, doctors don't care.
If it helps, my understanding is that both of them count as "active,... (read in full...)
I don't know if I should even try to make my marriage work or not.
Q. im 22 and im getting divorced. i was married for about 2 weeks then she left. she saw texts from girls that i did not think was bad but she blew it up and left. she said she was still in love with ehr x and wanted to be with him but she says ...
A. 1 November 2010: Let's look at a few points here.
"i married her cuz i thought i was doing right thing cuz i got her preg."
No, first mistake. You didn't get her pregnant, she allowed herself to be impregnated. She has the pill, the morning after pill, IUD'... (read in full...)
Why is it so difficult to find a really nice and honest man?
Q. I'm a 39 year old single mom with 2 kids. I've been single for almost 4 years now. Of course my kids mean the whole world to me, but at times I do need someone for intimate moments, to share the good and bad times together, to talk about everything ...
A. 1 November 2010: Dating sites are a pretty raw deal, from everything I've heard, but that's not the core issue here.
I'll answer why the guys you're looking for are hard to find first, then my suggestions for dealing with it.
Simply put, nice and honest men e... (read in full...)
Why buy the cow when the milk is free???
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for just over a year and things are really good. We've discussed where we see our relationship going and we both agree on marriage in the short term future (say next 4 years). We've also talked about living together and ...
A. 1 November 2010: Well, cohabiting prior to marriage does increase the chances for divorce, but the chances are already so high in general in Canada and the U.S. that it doesn't make significant difference. I've never seen any data suggesting cohabiting reduces the ... (read in full...)
I'm trying to think of a way to get really good revenge on my ex
Q. I hate my ex girlfriend. And I can't stop thinking about getting revenge on her. First I will give you some background on the situation. My girlfriend and I dated for 3 years. The last year we lived together. When we didn't live together I thought ...
A. 31 October 2010: Revenge is not the answer. Don't give her anymore power than she already has over your spirit.
Now, if this were, say, divorce prodeedings, I would advise destroying her legally before she got the chance to do it to you. But it's just a (particu... (read in full...)
He's jealous because of the sexual things I did with my ex!
Q. i have a question... my boyfriend of 3 years is jealous of the fact that i gave my ex boyfriend oral sex and he ejaculated in my mouth, and ive been with him for 3 years and he has not done it 2 me. first of all my ex boyfriend treated me like a ...
A. 31 October 2010: Why are you even dating this guy again? And for that matter, how does he know you gave better blowjobs to a previous boyfriend?
Look, if we assume that you just typed this out of frustration and he is fact a good guy (kind of a stretch, but just... (read in full...)
I need my willpower back so I don't reply to him online
Q. Hi, recently i've finally come to the conclusion that having a certain person in my life is not a good idea anymore. I wish i could change that, believe me but i know i just have accept that it's not going to work. A little info: this guy i...
A. 30 October 2010: Don't let him tempt you. Politely inform him that you are done with him, and delete all his contact info. AIM name, phone number, everything. If he tries to contact you, ignore it and delete the callback number or text.
Taking half-mea... (read in full...)
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