A
female
age
51-59,
*ostinlove1001
writes:Ok, here's the deal. My boyfriend and I have been together for several months now. We just got over a fight which kept us apart for about 2 weeks, but we seem to slowly be returning back to normal.The problem is, that back to normal still isn't good enough. We are only seeing one another about once or twice a week, which is definitely not enough for me, I can hardly even think of it as a relationship. We speak every day, several times a day and I KNOW the love is there, but why dosent he want to hang out with me?I was, before this fight going to say something to him, but now I am reluctant to as I don't want to "push" him. Am I doing MYSELF a disservice being with a wonderful man, who I love and who loves me but has no apparant time for me?Friends, what can I say that wouldn't come off as pushy or would scare him? I want a man in my life, I think anyone would agree that seeing each other once a week is borderline pitiful, especially considering we live 10 miles away from each other. I'm really confused. Please someone shed some light! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Did you start the fight, or was the fight over your behavior? If so, he may be reluctant to get into another fight. It sounds like it was over the amount of time he spends with you.
He may not want to seem too eager. Or he may be worried that you'll start pushing for marriage if he doesn't take it slow. Whether or not it's true, the perception among guys is that unmarried women in their thirties have baby rabies and want to get married immediately, both of which (rightly) make guys nervous. He would probably not admit to either one of those if questioned, though.
Figure out if he's busy with legitimate things like his job, family, or friends (video games don't count, however much it hurts me to say that). If he's busy with those, it's probably just temporary, and you're not doing anything wrong to him or yourself.
If he's nervous about getting serious as mentioned above, then you can try to push for more time. Don't phrase it as a demand, or as something you "deserve". How does it benefit him to spend more time with you? Give him incentive.
If it turns out that he's just not interested in seeing you very often, then you *do* need to move on.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 My boyfriend and I live 1km apart and we saw each other once a week when we hit the 6 month mark. Then things happend to him, like a family death, and he became somewhat unavailable. I complained to him, got emotional so he didn't want to see me that day, but we were okay again when I called him back at night. I said to him he didn't care for me and he flat out disagreed. I consider myself to be a laid back, low maintenance person. Really I don't expect much from my boyfriend. We see each other more frequently now.
A 2 week separation following the fight was a bit much. Emotions push men away. He's going to wonder if he's good enough for you.
Was it like you suggest doing something and then he said no he's busy? Or he doesn't want to rush into things, keeping a distance? Do you know if he's this way to everybody? Does he has a private treat tucked away for himself? Is he hiding something?
I just want to know if it's him wanting space, on a different timeline, or if it's incompatability between you two.
We can only offer our general perceptions of men, and possibilities why he seems to be avoiding you. You have to figure him out yourself in a gentle manner, not a probing one.
Always speak positively. Instead of asking why you don't want to see me? Ask could you come pick me up after work, I know a good place to go. If he keeps on making excuses then you know the problem is him. Either he's still not over his ex, or he is married, or something he's not proud about.
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