A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for two years. When we got together I knew he watched porn, I didn't mind at first until I realised how much he did it. I asked him to stop and he agreed, I then found out 6 months later he was still doing it (yes, by checking his computer) we had a huge argument and he promised on everything he'd never do it again. This happened another time and the same thing happened. In February of this year I lost our baby, It was a very difficult time in my life. I felt inadequate because of that which also made me feel low and I was just getting over his lies from the year before. Most recent of all, after thinking for the last 9 months he hadn't been doing it, I saw more on his computer but they wern't even porno's they were slideshows of well known celebs and porn stars!? WTF i am so confused. Anyhow, we live with my parents and I has to break up with him and I left the house. He then stayed and told my mother and father everything! My mum agrees with me and my dad was dissapointed in him for lying as seriously, in every other way he is seriously amazing. From the first month we got together back in 2008 we have never spent a night apart. Last night was the first time, he has text me all day today but I am remaining strong because I cant tolerate liars.Please can I have some opinions? Should I get back with him because every aspect of our relationship is great? Should I learn to cope with his enjoyment of porn? It just makes me feel upset because he knew how much it hurt me last year, especially since we lost a child I cant believe he did it since!? Also, as soon as we met I advised him I am a nympho, I love sex and get off by satisfying others so he has no excuse to want to do it right?I have asked him why? He says there is no reason! Im confused, please help me :) x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Make your own porn with him, and watch them together. If they can do it...
A
female
reader, brooklynqueen  +, writes (18 July 2010):
Girl get a grip. This is nothing personal. Speaking as a female who enjoys porn, dont be so uptight. This is nothing personal. Seems like he hurt your ego because you thought that your sex was the end all be all but that is not the case. If you continue to tell him he has to stop he is going to resent you. He was watching it before you and most likely he will continue to watch it. Pick your battles. If it was a situation where he is choosing porn over having sex with you on a consistant basis then i would see a problem but you might be throwing away a good man over some stupid BS. This might actually help him in bed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): i would agree with odds on this one. I was very much like you. High sex drive, detest lying about anything, couldn't understand why he'd still want to get off over porn etc etc. Its taken me some time and alot of thought to get to where i am with it now. My fiance would lie about it, as he didnt think it was something i had any right to know about. He couldn't seem to understand that i was ok with the porn every now and then (well eventually i was) but that i hated lies. We nearly broke up because of the fights about it. But i love him and he's the one im gonna spend my life with. I decided that since thats the only thing he does that upsets me, i either had to accept it, or we'd break up. We ended up making a compromise so that at least i could always know he wouldn't do it too much etc. Didnt take much for him, as the amount agreed to is the max he would ever do it while with me anyway. I just had to let go of the hurt from his lying. Its taken time. I do still sometimes get upset. But now, i dont have to ask as i know the most he'd do it. And since i dont have to ask, he doesnt lie. Our sex life is still just as much as always, in fact possibly more. Since we aren't fighting the times he uses porn when im out, he often wants me when i get home anyway. So its kinda win win. I guess you need to decide if you can live with some use of it, so long as he doesnt lie, and figure out a way so that he has no need to lie to you. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Guys will always, always want sexual variety. It's instinct. This trait is stronger in some men then others, but the desire is there. No matter how much sex a man gets, sometimes he wants to masturbate. Most guys will not admit that, either.
Now, I'm not saying that anyone has a *right* to sexual variety, especially in committed relationships. I'm saying that the desire is hardwired into our brains, right alongside the capacity to ignore instincts.
Most guys can control it, but porn helps. It ultimately prevents cheating, when used in moderation. You do have to learn to live with it, without snooping.
That said, he may be using it too much. It's tough to say - it's not unusal to open ten or twelve porn videos to find just the right one before whacking off, so his porn habits may seem worse than they are.
He should have flatly refused to stop watching porn instead of lying to you. It sounds like he has not lied about anything else, so I would forgive him - but make it clear that while porn is acceptable, moderation is required, and lying is never ok for either of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010): U should take hin back and cope with it, add a lil excitment into ur sex lyfe. mayb even watch it with him
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 July 2010):
 You don't have to tolerate porn or lying. It sounds like the lying is the worst part, and he's done it repeatedly. You'd be perfectly within your right to not get back together with him over it, since porn is an issue for you and he lied about it multiple times. It's up to you. It's also possible that you leaving him was the push that would make him quit. And when men look at porn it rarely has to do with the woman not wanting enough sex or not being hot enough. I do want to say that generally porn is commonly lied about. Not that it's OK to do, but it doesn't necessarily mean he'll lie about other things.
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