A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I love my girlfriend of 1-1/2 years to death (though we've known each other for 11 years), and can't wait to propose to her someday.My girlfriend is extremely attached to me, and whenever I have been away for a few weeks, she gets upset.I made a promise to her after I graduated college in May, that I would stay with her (we live together) until she graduated college in December, where we could then move somewhere together. However, with the economy the way it is, I realize that there are no jobs for me. Tirelessly looking, and hearing my peers complain about how they can't find a job, I finally found a gentleman that seems really interested in hiring me in a different state. When I broke news to my girlfriend, she broke down and cried saying "you promised me!" I realize that if I did take the job, I would be breaking my promise, and I apologized to her for it, as I know that I've told her a few times I would stay here working at a grocery store until she graduated.I even offered a compromise deal-that I could take the job and drive to visit her 2x a month or more, but she still is down about it.I am torn...do I pass off a good job possibility that I may not get for a while to be with her until she graduates, or should I take it, and just see her a few times a month until she graduates in December, when she can move to be with me? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (14 July 2010):
 She sounds like she's being a little clingy. Yes, you're breaking your promise, but it's not THAT long of a time until she graduates. There's no reason you two can't stay together and just do the long distance thing. It's hard, but it's very doable especially with such a definite end to it. It's incredibly selfish of her to try to force you to give up a good opportunity just so she won't have to be alone for a short time. While I can see where she's coming from, 2x a month is very generous. You need to explain to her that you still love her and want to be with her, you just really need to take this job and it's important for her career. Make her see how the relationship needs to be about both people and while you understand it's hard, this is long-term important for BOTH of you.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (14 July 2010):
 Take the job. Tell her firmly, but gently, that the job is part of building a future (possibly one with her in it), and you will not compromise on it. Sometimes a man has to put off the instant gratification for the long-term gain.
Ultimately, no girlfriend is a sure thing. Your future as a working man is guaranteed, though, and must be tended to constantly. She can always move in with you after graduation.
It was not a good idea to promise to stay until she graduated, so in the future, be more careful with the things you promise her. She'll appreciate it.
...............................
A
female
reader, candycane1  +, writes (14 July 2010):
To be honest, as much as you love her very much and are willing to stay with her and stick to the promise that you have made to her, i think that it is quite selfish of your girlfriend to hold you to that promise using emotional blackmail. Don't get me wrong, i understand how she must also feel about this job offer and you leaving her behind, but like you said its a great opportunity for you and one that may not arise again.You need to also think things through, you may decline the offer of the job for your girfriend which means you keep the promise that you made to her, but the down side is that in time you may resent her for this decision. This could lead to driving you away from her, and there would be greater distance between you both compared to you going for the job and keeping in contact with her regulary.Bear in mind, it is now July and if she graduates in December there is only 5 months to pass between you, which is not so bad if you were to take the job and drive to see her as you mentioned. I think you should sit down and talk to your girlfriend openly and honestly, as i think you have not done this yet otherwise you would not be seeking advice on this site. If things are not resolved after your talk, then we will see what you can do. Explain to her the lenght of time you both would be apart is not that bad, and that it is an opportunity you have been waiting for which may not come again. I hope this helps
...............................
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 July 2010):
 You shouldn't have to choose between work and love. In real life you need real jobs to pay very real bills. No one should question that. I suppose your girlfriend is about your age. I am sure she is old enough to understand.
She is graduating in six months! And, you would drive back twice a month.
I think UNREASONABLE. And I also think MANIPULATIVE or at least controlling.
If you want my advice, you shouldn't give in on this one. Who knows what unreasonable thing she will come up with next.
...............................
|
