A
female
age
30-35,
*Ax
writes:My boyfriend has a close female friend who he used to like. I'm wondering what are people's opinions on what would be classified as cheating( apart from kissing and having sex)?Thank you
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2010): Intent is really all you need. You can have an emotional affair with nothing more than a meeting of the eyes. But as for physical boundaries, it would be contact + intent. Merely kissing out of respect or patting a butt as s joke, etc, is not cheating...it has to be taken in context.
A
male
reader, Stonemason  +, writes (9 July 2010):
 What constitutes "cheating?" Cheating is constituted by lying; lying, even "white lies," lead to illusions and lack of living, preventing you living your life intensely. Why would someone lie? "To save your feelings" means to save their feelings from becoming known to you, usually. Lying means they are preventing you from dealing with any problems that crop up. There are degrees of cheating, obviously. They all begin with lying.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (7 July 2010):
I will be completely honest with you, I have been with my boyfriend for 2 yrs and just found out he has a female friend he has know for 5 yrs and he didn't think I would understand or be comfortable with him having her as a friend. I work away some weekends and he had been meeting up with her for dvds and cooking dinner etc, I was furious and felt betrayed....almost cheated on. I know nothing had happened between them but it was the lies and secrecy that hurt the most. I had met his other female friends and we all get along great and i have no problems with him going out with them however with this one girl I have said he is to cut all ties with her because I felt that he must of had feelings for her otherwise he wouldn't have kept her a secret from me. If i had of met her before this then there wouldn't have been a problem and I see this being the same for you. I think you should explain to him that you are concerned and that you are not comfortable with the two of them being alone together and that you dont mind if you all go out together but the intimate get togethers need to stop. you have been a couple for 10 months not 2 months and you should have a respect for one anothers feelings and hopefully her will see where you are coming from.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (7 July 2010):
xAx is verified as being by the original poster of the question Him and i were together for 10 months, broke up at the beginning of this year and then got back together about a month ago. He started talking more to that girl in the time we broke up. Plus they kissed once from what he told me.
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A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (6 July 2010):
the first answer has defined cheating perfectly but do you mind if i ask how long you have been together?
I have recently been through something very similar but it was a lot more extreme and have been thinking about asking some advice myself however i have resolved the situation myself now after a month of turmoil.
how long have you been together as this would effect my response to your situation and they way to resolve it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): i see even someone flirting/talking sexually with someone by email/text message as a form of cheating, and if you tell them that you fancy them, e.t.c . and the same applies to people flirting e.t.c in person.
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A
female
reader, xAx +, writes (6 July 2010):
xAx is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your reponses. :)
To add on from the first replier...what if they're excuse for not wanting to do something with them in front of me would be because it would make them feel uncomfortable even if it's just him telling her he misses her?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Like Anon wrote...
EVERYTHING you can not do in front of your GF/BF/DH/DW..
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Even better, I like what the anonymous reader wrote (first answer)
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 July 2010):
 The first anon has got it dead-on. If you wouldn't want your significant other to see it, it's cheating.
Having these sorts of boundaries is not "limiting" the other person, it's defining clearly what sort of behavior will end the relationship. They are still free to make out with another person, but doing so means giving up any claim to you.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I think kissing and sex is pretty much it for me. But there are grey areas that I am not too happy about. My guy holding hands with another girl for example. I wouldn't call it cheating, but when in a relationship with me there are certain rules of conduct. Not that I want to limit the other person, but I need to be shown respect, as in them not ignoring me when we are out so they can talk to another girl. Or ignoring me for another guy even. For me it is all about showing everyone who they are with, so that there are no questions about if we are a couple or not. It is not cheating, but there are certain things I will not allow, or point out that I do not like and have a compromise made. That also includes for example.. I wouldn't be okay if my guy watched someone else have sex in the same room as him and wanking off to them, but I am okay with porn. I don't see it as cheating, more like certain lines and degrees towards not-accepted behaviour.
In a relationship you kind of work these things out as you get to know the other person. But definite cheating is kissing on lips and sex. However there is an exception when you kiss a friend or family member shortly on the lips, because some people greet like that! Im just saying my own opinion here. My ex also kissed my brother on the lips as a dare during a night out, and although he wasn't allowed to do it again I didn't see it as cheating. It was just a game for fun.
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (6 July 2010):
Each situation is different. There isn't a clear set of rules. You're probably better off listing some behavior and asking us if we consider it cheating.
But to partially answer your question, if your boyfriend is more emotionally invested in this other girl (thinks about her more, is more attracted to her, puts her before you) that can all be considered cheating. There doesn't have to be any physical contact...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): Cheating is something you would not do with a member of the opposite sex if your significant other was present....
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