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| Latest articles: "Be Yourself" is Pointless Advice
This question has 2 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
27 August 2011: Let's leave aside for now the fact that philosophers have pondered for millennia what the "self" actually is. Not going to get into that, most of those men were a lot brighter than I am (okay, all of them were, but that's not the point). Inst...
How to be Attractive, a Beginner's Guide for Men
This question has 5 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
2 August 2011: This is mostly a repost of some advice I posted a while back; Cerberus seemed to like it, and Tisha suggested posting it as an article. Things have been expanded on or reworded a bit. Note that the title is not "How to get a girl," or "How t...
Marriage - why should any man bother?
This question has 29 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
23 July 2010: Women… why should any guy propose marriage? Full disclosure: I have never been married, but several family members and friends have been hurt by divorce, and I know of only a handful of happy marriages over one year old. My feelings for the...
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Why do women often think too much into how to act with their guy?
Q. Why don't girls realize how easy it is to be a "catch?" I see so many posts that involve girls who will resist some sexual acts, or just being sexually aggressive, because they don't want their partners to think they are a slut. That's just not ...
A. 27 January 2011: Nice article. Each of the points is true and, more importantly, easy to understand.
What's missing, though, is the fact that a lot of guys are flat-out unreasonable (women, too, but this isn't about them). Everyone is prone to the "If this is ... (read in full...)
The answer to all your problems (well most) right here!
Q. I don't know about you guys but there are some questions I see time and time again. How 'bout we answer some of those questions right here and hope that anyone about to post the same question has a quick look at the articles first? 1. Why won't h...
A. 27 January 2011: - 18(b) No teeth.
- 18(c) If he's not eating you out, too, something's wrong. Talk to him.
19. Should I tell him/her about my past? Tell them precisely what they ask for. Do not volunteer anything, do not lie. If they don't like the ans... (read in full...)
Women and Men: Being Equal
Q. When your in a relationship, either married or dating I think it is safe to say that equality in that relationship is a very good thing. I'm interested in seeing what everyone can come up with for equality points in a relationship. I'm not really ...
A. 27 January 2011: Your intentions are obviously good, but I think you're mixing up equality with same-ness.
Some things, sure. Sex/sexual favors and grooming would be one of them.
Equal-but-different would be the operative word here. Men and women are very d... (read in full...)
Why did you even ask?
Q. What brought you to Dear Cupid? Most likely it's because of some problem in your life or relationship. That's how most of us stumbled upon this place. You came here hoping that these anon people on the internet could offer you some insight into ...
A. 27 January 2011: Well-put.
I'd bet some people come here looking for internet drama, actually. Seeking both validation for what they've done, and people to oppose them so they can argue. Relationship sites are ripe for that sort of thing, since one can argue fr... (read in full...)
If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?
Q. What are people's thoughts? If two people are really attracted to one another, can they just be friends or are they kidding themselves?...
A. 26 January 2011: Depends. It's possible, but only if they're attracted to each other in the "I'd do her/him," sense, not the "I'd take actual steps to doing her/him."
If you don't trust your own willpower, or the other person's, or your significant other's,... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's chin stubble is irritating my face. Any ideas to prevent this?
Q. My boyfriend has quite a bit of stubble on his chin. I love it, but I often get rashes and wondered if there was any way to prevent them, or make them less noticeable? thanks x...
A. 25 January 2011: Let him grow it out into a neat, short-trimmed beard. The slightly longer hair won't irritate nearly as much. Plus, even though chicks don't like it at first, they always end up loving the beard more than the smooth stubbly chins, when it comes to ... (read in full...)
We can't have vaginal sex due to my girlfriend's health issue, is it wrong to ask for oral?
Q. My girlfriend can't have sex at the moment due to a health issue with her vagina. She is hopefully seeing a gyno soon to figure out what's up. My question: should she offer to perform oral on me while we go sexless? if she does not offer (she h...
A. 25 January 2011: Nothing wrong with asking. Try to think of a way of saying it that is neither demanding nor timid. If it's the former, she'll be rightly offended; if the latter, she'll be annoyed and so no.
You have every right to ask that she continue to maint... (read in full...)
How do you talk to men and build intimacy?
Q. So, my problem seems to be in how to talk to men. I don't know how to build intimacy. I always end up talking about politics or world issues, etc.... How do women talk to men, to make that connection? Any ideas/help would be appreciated....
A. 25 January 2011: Huh. And here I always keep my mouth shut about those things because they tend to scare women off...
The better thing is to *do* things, rather than talk about them. Go drinking, dancing, out for a hike, out for a walk. Cook dinner together... (read in full...)
If a guy was truly mind blowing in bed, would you try get him into bed with you just for one night?
Q. If you heard about a guy who was spectacular in bed, like he was TRULY amazing and could give you multiple intense orgasms, was great at cuddling and foreplay, would this make you flirt with him and try get him into bed with you? I mean, why no...
A. 24 January 2011: It's rare, but this is exactly what happens to a guy friend of mine. He's one of those rare, lucky few who can walk into a room and every chick there will approach him and start flirting before he's even taken a seat. And yes, he gets passed ... (read in full...)
Why cant one of the twins find a man yet the other has guys falling at her feet? They are basically the same person!
Q. Ok so last night we had a big discussion on this topic and we would like to get other opinions ... You can be honest we need answers !! Ok here we go .. We have a two good friend there twins .. Twin A is a nice girl very funny loves sports . She ...
A. 24 January 2011: You are putting too much weight into personality here. Don't get me wrong, being sweet and fun is awesome, and is necessary to make the upgrade from "just dating" to "relationship."
But one is skinny, and one is 240 pounds (not really typical ... (read in full...)
How do I talk to her about her 'downstairs' hygiene without offending her?
Q. I need some help. Me and my girlfriend have been in a relationship for seven months now and its going brilliantly. We see each other regularly, go out often and our sex life is very good. But there's an issue. I have noticed on occasion that he...
A. 24 January 2011: Try the subtle hints listed below first. With luck, she'll read too much into what you're saying and start taking steps to help with the smell.
There will always be some smell, but if her hygiene is good it should be bearable. Might be best to ... (read in full...)
I'd rather make out than have sex, but husband goes straight for the sex!
Q. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years now. In that time we have had two kids. For those of you who know what its like to have kids, know we have had almost NO time for ourselves. Some where along the lines my husband has stopped ...
A. 24 January 2011: Well, sex with your husband is one of those things that has to happen. If you have no time, and must choose between makeouts and sex, he will choose sex every time, or he will be feeling the same way you do now. Besides, he probably believes ... (read in full...)
Why was his reply "good" when I said I was falling for him?
Q. During the heat of the moment with a guy I have been seeing for almost 4 months I told him I am falling for him and he said "good" I think I should of kept my mouth shut. He tells me he is crazy about me and i had been away for 3 weeks and he told ...
A. 24 January 2011: Re: "Good."
He's trying to be Han Solo. Since he's described in other ways how much he missed you, I'd say it's no big deal, just him trying to play it cool. A lot of guys believe that we have to be really, really sparing with words of affectio... (read in full...)
Calling for very romantic ideas to do and buy for valentine's day please?
Q. hey, I know valentimes day is for another few weeks yet but i'm in major stress.! This is my first valentimes day where i am with someone and in a serious relationship I have been with my boyfriend a year now and i want to make this valentimes ...
A. 22 January 2011: Whatever you do with him, the best gift you could give a guy is to be easygoing about it. By all means, make a big plan, but don't get more attached to the plan than to the relationship. Instead of requiring it be a special day, just laugh off ... (read in full...)
If guys know they love a girl, then do they still want to party and see girls, instead of settling down now?
Q. I met a guy, dated for a month, broke up and didn't speak for a month and a half. Then started talking again and became best friends. It's been six months since we've become best friends, we're each others only best friends, and we recently admi...
A. 22 January 2011: Depends on the guy. Some would lock you down fast. Some might decide they have options. If a guy believes he can sleep around and still end up with his perfect girl, there is a strong temptation to do that (in fact, guys and girls believing they ... (read in full...)
How do I stop being so accomodating to guys? I want a long term meaningful relationship
Q. I have always made bad choices in guys, form high school until now...I've had long term relationships but never meaningful one I was always quick to make them happy doing everything I thought they wanted me to do (pushover). Most of the time I had se...
A. 22 January 2011: This will be tough, but you have to act fast. It helps to know what men's perceptions are, so you can counter them.
In your early 30's, men begin to suspect that you only like them because of your biological clock. Their fear is exactly what you... (read in full...)
My boyfriend of Three years cheated then left. Why am I being treated like this? It feels punishing.
Q. my boyfriend of 3 years cheated on me and then left me for his 1 month affair girl. He was perfect to me and i honestly don't know why he has changed this dramatically. I was never formally introduced but i heard that the mistres is 7 years younger ...
A. 22 January 2011: Without knowing about anything specific that may have been wrong, the best guess I could make is that he figured her potential value in a relationship was greater than yours ("value" being used in an economic sense, as in "the amount of happiness I ... (read in full...)
Is it weird that I'm a lesbian but not a huge fan of hanging out with other lesbians?
Q. Hi, lesbians! I am a lesbian and I'm openly gay in the place that I live. :) Okay so, in my area, there are A LOT of lesbians and everyone knows one another. Like, I'm serious, every lesbian just happens to know EVERY OTHER lesbian. Well...
A. 22 January 2011: In response to your first question, it's not weird at all. I know a few straight girls who hate hanging out with other girls - at least, outside of their own circle. Some girls just get fed up by drama and status-whoring, and find it simpler and ... (read in full...)
I'm out of his league...Should I care what others think?
Q. I just need to make sure I'm thinking clearly. I'm engaged to a wonderful man who treats me like a princess. He loves me and I love him. Our sex life is good. He's financially stable, (6 figure job, house in the right neighborhood, car, he has no ...
A. 22 January 2011: "Am I being stupid or am I justified to be concerned about what others think?"
The former. It's shallow, but more importantly, this attitude could do substantial damage to your happiness and his.
Don't throw it away, you'll break his heart ... (read in full...)
Are first kisses important?
Q. Are first kisses important? I had mine when I was 7, and it was just a peck with a boy in my class. I now look back on it and it's a pretty cute first kiss even though there was no chemistry involved. A few months ago I got in a relationsh...
A. 20 January 2011: A friend of mine is Japanese, and says they consider they first "adult kiss" to be part of the passage into adulthood. Here in America or Canada, it's a fun, awesome moment, but not a really momentous occasion.
First kiss between couples is a gre... (read in full...)
Do I really need to pretend like I'm too busy to hang out with him in order to get him interested?
Q. I like this guy and my friends all know I do. When I asked them about going to hang out with him they told me that I act too available and that I should not go. The last time we hung out was a week ago and we ended up hanging out with some of my ...
A. 20 January 2011: Do the friends giving you this advice all have awesome, loving boyfriends? If not, think hard before taking their advice.
Playing hard to get only works if the "prize" is already firmly established in his mind. Liking him is not enough. You nee... (read in full...)
Since we slept together I haven't heard anything from him
Q. Okay so since we slept together last friday i hadn't heard anything from him. Saw him out last night and we spoke for a little bit/texted..with his housemates making obvious digs at me for doing 'wrong'. I contacted him today asking if we should m...
A. 20 January 2011: Without knowing your history together, particularly why you're not together, it'd be hard to say what he wants or whether he'll show up. All I can gather from the above is that you used to date, and now you don't but you hooked up anyway.
Want ... (read in full...)
Why will he not go down on me?
Q. my boyfriend wont go down on me, his never done it before, and says it doesn't appeal to him. so I've stopped giving him oral sex to try and make him but he still won't. what else can I do? ...
A. 20 January 2011: Well, refusing to give oral is not exactly the best way to make him want to do it for you.
Some guys, it just doesn't appeal to. This is particularly true if you have a past he doesn't approve of. Still, my opinion is that oral from both par... (read in full...)
I am wondering why being rejected affects me so much.
Q. I am wondering why being rejected affects me so much. I have lots of good things going on in my life, yet when I feel like a guy is rejecting me, it takes me such a long time to get over it. For example, had a first date a few days ago (from on...
A. 20 January 2011: Rejection affects everyone; some of us are just better at hiding it, or it's happened so often we're inured to it (mostly).
There's nothing unusual about this. Nothing to do but grin, bear it, and accept it as the price of dating.
If it m... (read in full...)
We've been together now for over 3 months but still haven't had sex!!!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 and a half months, but haven't had sex! We are very close and have a strong connection, however, he is reluctant to fully have sex with me. We have fooled around orally and we both obviously turn e...
A. 20 January 2011: Maybe he just wants to wait until he's more comfortable? Especially at your age, three months is not that long. I'm a grown man and I prefer it take around three or four months.
Instead of seeing it as a race, try to enjoy the process, savor it... (read in full...)
How should I go in for the kill(kiss)?
Q. Basically, I really need some advice from someone on here. There's this guy I like, and he sorta likes me back , but I need some advice on how I can approach him. We have a somewhat turbulent past, but I know, on gut instinct, that if I can kiss hi...
A. 20 January 2011: You can build up to it a bit, first, in private. Talk about normal things, but stand a little too close to him, so you're looking up at him, open your eyes really wide, play with your hair just a little, maybe pat his chest if he makes you laugh. ... (read in full...)
What about liking Bad Girls?
Q. We hear why bad boys are liked; because they live on the edge, are exciting, can't be tamed easily and are unpredictable. For all those reasons are why I like Bad Girls but you never hear about guys chasing women like that much. So do you...
A. 20 January 2011: Girls want to take a bad boy and tame him into their boyfriend. They want to believe that they are so special they can make the Player stop sleeping around and become exclusive. Girls like bad boys because they want the chance to be special to ... (read in full...)
Where is the middle ground between being a nerd and a player?
Q. Back in high school i was a big nerd, constantly overlooked by females that i was interested in, or just completely not seen at all. Its been 6 years since i graduated high school and, still a nerd on the inside but with a lot more confidence, and a ...
A. 19 January 2011: Same situation. High school, I was a nerd, and then I had the lack of foresight to get into the sciences in college. Life's been better since then - fewer opportunities, but I can actually make things work now.
The middle ground you're looking ... (read in full...)
My husband treats his ex-wife better than he treats me!
Q. I am newly married but am frustrated as my husband still pays everything for his ex-wife even though he is not legally obligated to do so. His legal resposiblity at this point is child support and alimony (which is supposed to end in a few more ...
A. 19 January 2011: If I had to guess, it's not about her, it's about his child (children?). He's trying to provide a stable home for them, in whatever way he can, and that means more than just the minimum of child support and alimony. He wants his ex-wife to have ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend never buys me anything or tells me those 3 words!
Q. I would just like some opinions on mine and my boyfriends relationship, sorry if this is long and I'm rambling i just wanna make sure I say everything I need to say. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 months. We both love each other, but ...
A. 19 January 2011: The fact that he tells you he loves you after only six months, especially at his age, is more than you could expect from most guys. Seriously, that's very quick on his part; give him some time to get used to it.
Gifts, on the other hand, aren't s... (read in full...)
Do I have to tell this guy I'm seeing about my past sexual experience?
Q. Do i have to tell this guy im seeing about my past sexual relationships and experiences or does it not matter?... things have been going really well, and weve been getting to know each other, i just wondered if it was neccessary to tell him? He ...
A. 19 January 2011: Tell him precisely what he asks you about - do not leave anything out, and do not volunteer anything. If he doesn't want to know, you can only hurt things by telling him. If he wants to know, you could lie, but then he would like the lie and not ... (read in full...)
I want to propose to my girlfriend but I think I cheated on her?
Q. I met my now girlfriend over a year ago. I am thinking about proposing here in the next few months. We met on a Friday night, hung out, ended up kissing at the end of the night and exchanged phone numbers. The following night after we met, I e...
A. 18 January 2011: It's not cheating. Seeing girls at the same time is trashy, but if you're not in a relationship, it's not cheating.
I'm confused about one thing, though. At the end of the second paragraph, you mention telling your girlfriend; the very nex... (read in full...)
Why are women so cruel to other women?
Q. What would you do? Stage four cancer, husband becoming more distant each week. Female @ his place of work keeps "needing" him...to help her buy a gun to make her feel safe, to give her a ride home (pretty far away), keeps bringing him his favorite ...
A. 17 January 2011: First off, so sorry for your situation, you have my sympathy (for what little it's worth).
I think you should be asking about your husband, but per your request, I'll answer the question you actually asked.
In general, women are cruel to oth... (read in full...)
How can I make my friend see that her boyfriend is not good for her?
Q. Hey so i have this friend she is only 17 and her ex is ruining her life she just cant get over him. She broke up with this guy in feb last year and he has treated her appallingly ever since. He went away over christmas when still with her and came ...
A. 17 January 2011: The answer to this question depends on your motivation. Fortunately, this is all anonymous, so there's no shame in honesty.
If you are genuinely concerned about your friend:
Let her make her mistakes, and help her draw the correct lesson f... (read in full...)
I cheated, should I let my wife cheat now?
Q. i have cheated on my wife now iam wondering if i should let her be with another man so she can feel even ...
A. 17 January 2011: When you shoot yourself in the foot, do you shoot your other foot so your limp won't be lopsided?
Go confess to your wife, answer all her questions honestly (no trying to make yourself look better, even a little), and beg for forgiveness. If she ... (read in full...)
My husband tells me he doesn't know.
Q. Why is it, that a guy would have the same answer to literally EVERY question, that he should know: "I don't know" it is driving me insane. I actually feel like I'm going crazy. It could be about food, beer, how to cook something, (he has cooked his ...
A. 17 January 2011: Perhaps he feels that you will attack him for giving the "wrong" answer. Doesn't matter if you actually will, just saying he may be under that impression.
For instance, you ask where the remote is, he tells you it's under the cushions. Maybe he... (read in full...)
Music will always be 1st in his life, not me
Q. My boyfriend of 3 years has told me that I will always be second best to music and it will always be put befor me. What should I do....
A. 16 January 2011: Without knowing the context, it's tough to say. I'll take a guess, but if you post more info in a followup, my answer may change.
I'll assume he's a musician (or at least an aspiring one). Otherwise, if he just likes listening to music more tha... (read in full...)
Why do many women have the chance to marry more than once in their lives when other none?
Q. What does it takes for someone (mostly women) who had a divorce or went through a bad experience to get several chances in their lives and marry once, twice or more and happened to find people who want to marry them. There are others who never find ...
A. 16 January 2011: Nothing's fair. Fair is an ideal we strive for but can never reach.
Besides, if you need to get married more than once, you've already failed at the first one. Marriage is supposed to be for life; if you're receiving a second proposal... (read in full...)
My wife doesn't want another child but I really do!
Q. So heres the deal. My wife and I got pregnant on our honeymoon. Wasn't planned but it happened. We just had our little girl and she is one month old. She is beautiful. My wife was shocked at first when she found out she was pregnant, but came around ...
A. 16 January 2011: Give it time. The pregnancy is still fresh in her mind.
There's nothing wrong with wanting another kid. There's also nothing wrong with treating your wife like an adult who can discuss the issue without being "pressured" into making decision... (read in full...)
I'm single and don't fit the loser profile
Q. I'm a little confused and would love a little help understanding something. I've posted a few questions on this site and have reviewed quite a few other questions and answers posted by others on this subject and I'm pretty confused as to how ...
A. 15 January 2011: Part of it is just that the dating market is fundamentally screwed up these days, in more ways than I care to list.
Working on the traits you listed, plus a few others (most people are too polite to say, "Maybe you're just ugly as sin"), is prett... (read in full...)
He's asking me what I want in the bedroom and I don't know what to say!
Q. -I've been with my boyfriend for 4 months. -We are very private so none of our friends know about us. -I lost my virginity to him, therefore am not very experienced in the bedroom -We are both of legal age (me 18, him 20) So we wer...
A. 14 January 2011: Just try things. By definition, half of all sex is going to be below average. And you'll be lucky if only one out of every four or five things you try in bed is mutually appealing. So, let the pressure off, try whatever comes to mind. If it ... (read in full...)
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