A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am a seventeen year old girl, 5'4'' and 118 pounds. I generally wear sizes 0-2, or x-small-small, in a variety of clothing brands, so I KNOW I'm not fat or anything, even though I often feel like I am. There has never been a time in my life when I have ever liked my body.I work out at a gym daily for at least an hour and a half, but feel like it doesn't make any difference. I cannot seem to get past the things about my body that I hate. I hate my arms and legs the most. I feel as though my legs don't look feminine at all. Adding to my feelings of being unattractive, I am going into my senior year of high school and have never (EVER) been kissed, asked out, or had a boyfriend. The only people who tell me I'm pretty are my parents. I feel like no guys ever pay attention to me, especially those that are my age. I'm so tired of hating myself and feeling hideous when I know I am not. Feeling this way causes me so much emotional pain and completely destroys my self confidence. Is there anything I can do to fix this?I hope I have not come off as incredibly vain. Believe me, I'm not fishing for reassurance or compliments, I truly believe that there is nothing nice to say about my appearance.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I see two possibilities for why you are single, considering that your BMI (20.3) is about right for a healthy girl, maybe even a bit on the skinny side depending on your level of muscle. I'll assume you have at least an average face, as well.
The first is that your self-deprecating attitude may be a turn-off. Do you complain about your appearance in real life? Guys *hate* listening to that, whether it's true or not. Your appearance should speak for itself in real life.
The other possibility is demographics. Do you hang out with the jocks, cheerleaders, and other "popular" kids? If so, the guys will be focusing all their attention on the girls who put out and have the nicest breasts. This is not an insult to you, just nature at work.
If you spend most of your time with the regular kids, most of the guys are too scared to ask anyone out who is not a sure thing. Less confident guys at your age fear rejection. It's non-traditional, but don't be afraid to do the asking out yourself.
In either event, approval from boys is temporary at best. Long-lasting happiness with your appearance is something you have to cultivate. Going to the gym is a great start; try looking in the mirror and finding good things about yourself, too.
A
male
reader, nvguy +, writes (6 July 2010):
I know that you feel that your not hot. Trust me There are lots of guys that love a natural petite girl thats not fat and fake. I love my wife to death and have had two kids with her once i met her 8 years ago. Keep your head up and have that confidence in yourself. Thats the biggest turn on is a woman who has confidence!
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A
female
reader, Liza999  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 I am sure if we polled every girl your age 99.9% would say the same I know I was horribly insecure at that age. your body is changing and will continue to change as you get older. it's your thoughts about it that need to change now. It is only your perception of yourself not the facts. Decide that you will change your thoughts about yourself so you don't keep driving yourself crazy Put an elastic band around your wrist and Everytime you think a negative thought about you snap it.It will help you get out of the habit. Watch the movie 'What the bleep do we know' there is a life altering scene in there about body image!
You are going to have an amazing time in college if you stop being so hard on yourself You will be kissed and you will be asked out so be patient and start noticing all the wonderful things about you! Because you truly are unique and beautiful!
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A
female
reader, RB92  +, writes (6 July 2010):
Hundreds of thousands if not millions of girls are in exactly the same position as you are right now - girls of all shapes and sizes from all over the world. I don't know one girl who doesn't have something they'd like to change about their appearance whether it be their legs, arms, noses (quite popular), tummys etc etc.
Putting the boyfriend issue to one side for a moment, the one thing you need to try and do is embrace how you look and feel secure in your own body. As long as you have that, everything else will just pass you by. It might be worth you getting a personal trainer for just a little while (they tend to be brutally honest people who strive to get you looking in the best possible shape) and this might be one way to put some trust into how you look. Another way is just to accept that what you look like is what you like and its probably not as bad as you think. As I said, hundreds of girls think they're 'hideous' and they're usually not.
One day a guy is going to love you for you and think you're beautiful under any circumstance. Though I live in the UK and have generally gone to school under a highly friendly environment, my perception of High Schools in America (from what people tell me) is that there are the 'cool kids' and everybody else. People are ruled out because they don't dress like this, or don't dye their hair (or whatever). Once High Schools finished however everything changes and everybody is someone. And thats when I think you're going to feel happiest and thats when guys are going to start taking notice of everyone, not just the plastic girls.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): I think if everyone thinks your self conscious then people will think you unconfident, delecate and therefore unapproachable. I assume you have friends, which of those get hit on the most? What do they do that guys around you like so much, also maybe lay off the gym as you are suffering from a sort of eating/excersise disorder where you need the feel good hormones from excersise.
Also, curvy women are sexy and being fat is hardly the worst thing to be so don't worry if you gain a bit of weight because to me you sound scarily skinny
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2010): My best friend tried to comite suicide twice. she hates her body her face and her arms and legs. she also thinks shes fat. shes recovered from being anarexec and cutting her arms. i've helped her thourgh this but not all. she started dating a guy a couple months ago. and she stopped all of it. you dont need a guy to make you feel pretty though. i personally think im fat but im not. i dont have a boyfriend but now from help from my best freind, i dont think i am even if i do need to cut back five pounds. you need to love yourself and for who you are inside. you are beautiful and if you think no guy is going to ask you out... wrong. there will be mr. perfect somwere out there for you. i bet because no one has asked you out is because their all scared. with some guys it matters whats on the outside. but to the real guys, it matters on whats on the inside. maybe join some clubs or activities with guys in them. but always rememeber that you are beautiful and someone out there besides your parents loves you.
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