A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:i was married for 10 years we have been divorced for 9 mos and every time i see her it hurts i know she is seeing other guys and that is killing me so how do i move on and forget about her we have the same friends and have to see each other from time to time i don't think i could take her back now but the hurt woun't go away please help before i go any more crazy i loved her with everything in me and now i will never let another women hurt me like that again
View related questions:
divorce, move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): Imagine to the future that is not too long left. Find something to do to make yourself healthy so that your ex- will be wondered why you look so good. If you can be healthy, she may come back together and spend the rest time together.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (13 July 2010):
 The first thing you need to do is take down her pictures, you know the ones you have scattered all over your house. Then you need to start making new friends; friends that know nothing about your life with her. This will help you establish an identity that's not tied ro a painful past. And by all means, don't blubber on your new friends and go on and on about your ex. As they get to know you, they'll learn your story over time. But part of moving on, is not wallowing in the past. It takes time, lots and lots of time, but there are little things you can do to move forward. Try to tell your new friends everything about yourself EXCEPT the pain you're stll feeling for your ex. They need to see you independently, learn your hobbies, your likes, dislikes, interests, figure out who you are, not who you were when you were married. This is the new you, start investing in that. I wish you the best.
...............................
A
female
reader, everyrose969  +, writes (13 July 2010):
It will probably take you 5 years to get over. It takes time to heal.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dr. Reality +, writes (13 July 2010):
Its a tough situation here but its something only time can cure. Like a recently departed loved one the hurt can seem to be unbearable but the passage of time will cure all. So what do you do in the meantime? Man up. I know the heart is broken but you need a transitional relationship. Go meet someone, website, local bar, shopping center, gym, etc and get back on the horse, or in the horse so to speak. Nothing makes me forget a bad breakup like a good new relationship. Its better than beating off for the next 3 years and you might even meet that Miss Right. You could probably use the social skills practice too.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): 10 years is a long time to be with someone....only time and pray will help you honey. I totally understand how you feel. Nobody likes getting played and used. You didn't not give many details about the breakup or what your ex did to use you, but you come across as being really, really heart broken and that's a given...it just proves that you were really in love with her. I say take some time off for yourself...it may take you another year or so to get your ex out of your system and you will know it. When the thought pops in your head about her being with someone else, you won't give a damn and why? Because, you will be over her by that time. Also, try reading some self help relationship books.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (13 July 2010):
 This depends on the reason for the divorce. It sounds like she was the one who filed, and most women file under no-fault divorce. That means you didn't do anything wrong, and she hurt you because she could not live up to her wedding vows. Modern marriage in a nutshell.
What you need to do now is get active. Reconnect with old friends, go on a vacation, renew interest in a hobby, dedicate yourself to work, whatever it takes. Time spent idle is time spent moping. The feelings are certainly justified, but they shouldn't be allowed to mess up your life.
I understand a lot of the pain. People get married partly for the stability, for the knowledge that whatever else happens, you have your family now. That is a false bill of goods in today's legal environment, and why I would not recommend marriage to any man. Something about stability turns women off.
Most importantly, seek out a listening ear like you have here. Normally, I'd advise against therapy, but they will listen sympathetically for the duration of the appointment. Whatever it takes, find someone to listen, and something to focus your energies on.
...............................
|
