A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok i have a question ive been in a long distance relationship with this guy for about 7 wks i really like him but he has trust issues which i do to and hes been hurt alot i see it on his facebook how hes always struggling alone and stuff and he never tells me about anything and always asks me why i love him he doesnt talk to me unless i text him but he always tells me he loves which hes recently stopped saying.so recently i saw his facebook and it said he was in a relationship with another girl i confronted him about it and he told me that he deleted it and that maybe his friend was using it which i thought was dumb but i didnt feel like pressing the issue anymore so im so confused with what to do hes never once come to see me which he says its because hes too busy which which hes only 2 hrs by car away and which i dont mind because im not one of those needy girls and because i feel like if he ever sees what i really look like he'll lose any interest he has in me so i dont press that issue either (i weigh 205 lbs and im 5'7 ish and i weighed more before and im still losing weight because my goal is 160ish ) anyways the fact is that i wasnt even jealous which ive never ever been and i even started thinking that if hes happy with that other girl then its fine because i would want him to be happy as a result ive started talking to other guys and its fun but i seriously love him so much he takes up more of my heart then the guys that give me attention and actually talk to me do so much that i feel like texting him every minute or calling him but i refrain from doing so because i have been called annoying in the past and it scares me if he would think i was annoying and theres so many problems i have i love him but i cant open my heart to him because of my weight and trust issues im wondering if thats the reason why it didnt hurt when i found out he was seeing somebody else and what should i do on more than one occasion ive thought about breaking up with him but i atleast wanted to get to know him more im so confused with what i should do if you can offer me any help i thank you for life
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2010): I am the writer of the previous dialouge before and would just like to say thank you for your answers i am currently 199 lbs now and still losing i feel wayyy better about myself because i used to be 235 and i greatly appreciate your advice however both answers are somewhat contradictory because the male reader above tells me that these problems are somewhat normal and the second male reader tells me to break up with him which now i definately am going to because lately i feel like hes been avoidin me and i cant stand it once again thank you guys
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010): 7 weeks and having trust issues, I think you know what to do pretty much sums it up first sentence. Trust is pretty much the essence of solidarity within a relationship. You are young, the problem of being young and inexperienced is that sometimes you get confused with love and sometimes get in love with the idea of being in love. My advice is to just wait and not give yourself up cheaply and explain that you love him so what reason would you want to cheat on him. P.S. I am only 19 but from what I see with my friends is that these relationships only last if problems arise and you get through them you have to have a strong foundation to have a long lasting relationship..
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (11 July 2010):
 Some form of punctuation would make this much easier to read and respond to. I'll try, though.
Regarding his trust issues, in a long distance relationship, those will always exist. Relationships are cemented by touch, both sexual and non-sexual, and the release of the bodies hormones to create a pair-bond. The further away you are, the more anxious you feel. Sure, there are exceptions, but most long-distance relationships simply fail because our anxiety damages our ability to trust. Add in the fact that he has been hurt before, and you have a recipe for stress.
Regarding your weight, this will continue to cause image and self-esteem issues for you until you get it down to a more reasonable number. Keeping it down once you lose the weight will actually be more difficult than losing it in the first place. However, the self-esteem boost from looking a little better every week will be well worth it - plus, self-control is a good sign that someone is relationship material.
Related to the above issues - it didn't hurt to find out that he was seeing someone else because you were not invested in the relationship. Without touch, and without the feelings that you are a worthwhile person, you did not have any real attachment to him. It's more like finding out that a close friend got laid than that you were cheated on.
Still, he *did* cheat on you. Break up with him, no question. Stay single and focus on your health, your weight, and your self esteem. When you have have dealt with your insecurities, you will be ready for a new relationship.
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