A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so i live in a small town where I grew up with all these girls. Iv'e known them since we were babies. We are all 17 theres about 14 of us all together. But one of my friends Naomi havent changed at all. she's still young in the mind. She doesnt drink and doesnt have a boyfriend she's not really intrested either. Like most of the girls love the attention from the boys. This one boy went up and squeezed her butt and she did not like it, atall!. She have had crushes though and a boyfriend. Like most of us just snog any boy and if one went up to her she would refuse to. (She is single) She's also very quiet and doesnt talk alot. We went camping the other day and to a party and we tried to get her drunk but she refused. Yestoday we invited everyone to a friends house we all sat there and she was in the pool with another friend. I like her though theres nothing not to like about her. She's trustworthy caring and a really nice girl. It's just she's the odd one out of the gang. I really want her to get involved with me more. If you know what i mean? It's like, we have all changed ..exept for her.
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male
reader, Odds  +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Also, playstation and DS are fun. Why shouldn't adults play them?
It is quite likely your friend has become more catty and judgemental because you have pushed her for so long to do things she does not want to. You get what you give.
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 July 2010):
 Your friend is right. If you are training to be in child care, then even at 17, you need to behave in a responsible way. When you are looking after children you need to be reliable, responsible and above all grown up.
However, from your attitude, it is obvious you are not ready for this at all.
"I'm not going to bother with her anymore, and she thinks she knows eveything" Look at this from her point of view, if you can. You are telling her YOU are right, she should be doing what YOU do, because what YOU do is the cool, correct thing to be doing at 17. Is it really tho? Or is that just your opinion? How would you feel if she was trying to get you to be more like you? Probably rather angry I bet!
No parent will hire you to look after their children if they dont think they can trust you. If you are more concerned with going out, getting drunk, and snogging men, then you are not focussing on being mature.
Stop thinking so much about yourself, and consider others for a moment. You may learn something about life.
From an adults point of view, it is your friend who is being the grown up one here. You appear to be having a tantrum because you cant have your own way, and people are not telling you that what you are doing is great. Drinking and casual sex, may be fun for you, but are not responsible.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm not going to bother with her anymore, and she thinks she knows eveything... She's starting to get raty with us now. We are both doing the same course in college ( child care ) we both were in the same school on placement. The school is in our village. She had the nerve to tell me if i wanted to work with children then it's better that I start behaving like an adult. really, I can behave how I want. I told her she's 17 not 25 and to start acting like a teenager more. She said Your not a teenager your a young adult and to start behaving more like an adult. I just think she's sad with herself and boring. She not's that grown up she still plays on her playstation and DS lol!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk, fair enough.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (8 July 2010):
I dont think you do get our points. You seem to concerned that she is "wrong" for not wanting to do these things.
In fact, she is the only one who is being grown up and adult.
"we tryed to get her to drink" - she doesnt want to, so even "trying" is forcing her. As for kissing, the majority of decent girls do not "kiss" or snog or anything else with our friends. Because they are friends. Kissing is something intimate and not an act to do with just random buddies.
And being full of yourself and knowing it is not a good trait to have. Be careful, you may come across as arrogant later in life if you continue with this attitude.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe tryed to get her to drink we are not forcing her to. Like i said i'd like her to get involved with us more i'm not making her. I found it funny that shes been hanging around with us since we were children and she hasnt changed. We both spoke about this yestoday she said "it's not that i'm not ready, I don't want to drink. I said sorry if i was bothing her. I did think she had a problem with us because she would always seem quiet when we drank. But she said she didn't have a problem with it otherwise she wouldent have come out with us. and what i mean by snogging is just kissing they are not random guys. We are all friends - but I get all of your points.
P.s i know i'm full of myself :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2010): Your friend may just not be into that stuff or ready to explore that area yet- she sounds more reserved than your other friends and there is nothing wrong with that. Some people are still trying to figure themselves out at your age. You're still young and have plenty of time to party and meet boys. She may not be ready for this yet. As long as she is a good, kind, caring friend that is all that matters. Try to show her compassion and know that we are all unique and grow at different rates. All the best!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2010): So you look down on her cos she won't get with a random sleazy guy like you other girlls and she doesn't want to get drunk. You must be sooooo up yourself.
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (6 July 2010):
First of all in the UK it is ILLEGAL to buy alcohol under the age of 18, so if your age range is correct, technically YOU are breaking the law. Maybe your friend actually respects the laws of this country?
Why do you assume she is in the wrong, just because she doesnt do the things you do? "Still young in the mind".... in many ways she is behaving far more like an adult, by showing self respect and self restraint.
Most decent women would be horrified if a strange guy came up and grabbed their bum! That is a sign of total disrespect, apart from being very rude. It may be "cool" to you, but as an adult, it is not.
As for snogging any boy.... what does it actually mean? Why do you do it? Do you actually like all these guys you are snogging, or is it just something to do? What happened to commitment, relationships and romance? If you snog random guys now, what are you going to be doing in a few years? Get a grip on your self respect girl. You are worth far more than that, yet you seem very happy to demeen yourself.
To be frank you make you and your friends sound like easy trollops who will snog, and let guys grope you without a second thought. You are right when you say you have all changed and she hasnt, but it is YOU who need to think about your actions.
I think perhaps you should maybe take a leaf out of your friends book, and maybe try and be more like her instead rather than following the crowd who think binge drinking is cool, and casual sex and one night stands are the way the world works. Its not, maybe time to grow up and see the reality of responsibility?
I think you could learn a lot of valuble lessons about life if you took a step back and analysed your own behaviour before you criticise that of others.
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female
reader, Elydiese +, writes (5 July 2010):
I think shes the only one with respect and who actually cares about herself maybe the fact all of you have changed is a bad thing she maybe doesnt feel comfortable throwing herself at guys, looking for attention and getting wasted sounds to me like you're all forcing her to be like you which no one wuld want anyway grow up you could learn a thing or two from her
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female
reader, xDiamondx  +, writes (5 July 2010):
 You shouldn't force anyone to do something they don't want to...I'm sure when she's ready to have a boyfriend and drink and all that, she will.I don't wanna be mean but it's true..you're making yourself and your friends seem like..[seem bad. editing by mod].Why would you want to make the otherr girl like that?
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female
reader, england_rock_chic +, writes (5 July 2010):
You cant force her to get drunk and have a boyfriend. it doesn't seem to bother her that you all get drunk and like boys attention.
Try doing other things with her instead of going out, suggest clothes shopping or something, you can invite her to parties etc but she may not want to. you cant force her. As long as she is ok with being that way then its up to her. dont shut her out just because she doesnt want to get drunk.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (5 July 2010):
She's fine. You're trying to be a good friend by helping her fit in, but if she's not comfortable drinking, don't make her feel left out for her decision. I don't know if it's the same for girls, but one of my best drinking buddies actually never drinks, he just enjoys hanging out with us while the rest of us do.As for snogging - I've heard that to mean both kissing and screwing, depending on where you're from. Either way, why pressure her into it? Maybe she wants to get married young, and if so, not fooling around too much is the better decision.As a girl, it's sometimes difficult to understand why someone else doesn't want to be exactly like her friends, but she's not judging you for the way you all act. Either way, she's still acting like a friend, she just has her own values and her own unique mind. Don't worry about it.
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female
reader, MizzGuyana +, writes (5 July 2010):
 Are you being serious? It sounds like she's the only one in your group that has self respect and pride. Why must she drink and go around snogging random guys, just to fit in. There is nothing wrong with her. She is the sensible one.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 July 2010):
 maybe its a good thing she hasn't, it seems like you all are into not so good things. not gonna lie, I drink too and have been promiscuous with guys. but more power to this girl for not liking a guy squeeze her ass. (I wouldn't like that either, its disrespectful)She actually sounds more mature than you and your friends, she doesn't want to drink, good choice, she doesn't like to kiss just anyone or have just any guy slap her butt, good choice. I think you could actually learn from this friend.its okay that she hasn't changed with you all, she's being true to herself and not following the herd. I think thats awesome.
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A
female
reader, LLindy87 +, writes (5 July 2010):
maybe its a good thing she hasn't, it seems like you all are into not so good things.
not gonna lie, I drink too and have been promiscuous with guys. but more power to this girl for not liking a guy squeeze her ass. (I wouldn't like that either, its disrespectful)
She actually sounds more mature than you and your friends, she doesn't want to drink, good choice, she doesn't like to kiss just anyone or have just any guy slap her butt, good choice. I think you could actually learn from this friend.
its okay that she hasn't changed with you all, she's being true to herself and not following the herd. I think thats awesome.
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