A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Im in a relationship but cant stop thinking about someone else!Ok so Ive been in a relationship for 8 months, its quite serious, and i believed he was 'the one' although now we are over the 'honemmon period' i can see cracks. he's very negative and we have alot of oposing views! before i was in this relationship i got very close to a guy friend, whom ive known for several years. we did not take it too far becasue he is my best friends brother! i new she would be upset. but the best friend found out how close we got, and was ok with it. it feel like a huge burden off my chest. but this has opened up all these repressed feelings for the guy. i know he likes me and always will, but he is also in a relationship now, although not a serious one. should i ignore my feeling for him and see how my current relationship turns out, or shall i end it to be with him.
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best friend, friend's brother, period Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. Reality  +, writes (13 July 2010):
You are still young. Why cant you date them both?
A
female
reader, straight to the truth +, writes (6 July 2010):
take the other man out of the equation ad then decide how you feel about your boyfriend. if you feel he is not then maybe it is best to end the relationship.
The other guy has a girlfriend and you need to leave him alone, it makes no difference if it is serious or not the simple fact is he has a girlfriend and if you were his girlfriend how would you like it if some other girl decided you weren't that serious and decided to make a move.
If he breaks up with her then fine but until then you need to stop seeing him as a potential boyfriend and make a decision about your own boyfriend.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Regarding your current boyfriend, you have to decide for yourself if he's worth staying with. You sound like a very positive person, so his "negative" attitude may actually be fairly neutral. You have to go with what works for you in the end, though.
However, trying to tempt a person away from their current relationship is incredibly selfish. How would you feel if someone did that to you? Wouldn't the world be a better place if people understood the idea of "off limits"?
Additionally, if you could convince him to leave his girlfriend for you, would you ever be able to trust him? Wouldn't he just leave for the next good offer to come his way?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (6 July 2010):
 Only end your current relationship if you are ok with being single. Don't leave a guy because you think you found someone "better". You might get fooled. He might not be all that. He might find someone new by the time you get single! Really. I've seen it happen. Or, you could hook up with him and it turns out he wasn't the one for you and you don't really feel comfortable with him... Thing is, you haven't dated this guy. You haven't flirted with him. And now you want to just jump into a relationship with him right away? That is like going on a blind date with an engagement ring (to put it to extremes).
If you are not happy in your current relationship, end it. But get your mind set that you will now be single. Only after you have become settled with the prospect that you might be single (you and the new guy might only last a few weeks), you are ok to leave. Then you can start seeing this other guys as a normal single person meeting another single person. That is, if HE also breaks up with his current girl. Only then.
You don't want to start off a relationship based on cheating, or rushing into things. If you want to be with the new guy, end your relationship, wait until the guy is single, and then date him for a little before jumping into a full blown relationship.
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