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female
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*ight_bearer
writes: I've been really ill for 5 years. A year and a half ago i met my boyfriend. 4 months ago i became worse and am in and out of hospital every week. This is now a real strain on our relationship as i'm depressed and scared about my heath. I've had people in the past promise to be there through this with me but run for the hills when things get really bad. This is the worst I've ever been. I'm scared that my boyfriend will leave me like the rest of them. I don't want my paranoia to ruin this. I love him.What do i do? I really need to protect my self.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Try not to stress out about your relationship too much, as stress affects your autoimmune system response! I truely understand how you feel because I am myself juggling several medical conditions requiring daily medication, trips to hospital and feeling permanently exhausted. You should see being scared and depressed about your health as a separate issue to being worried about your partner. Some people run for the hills at bad times because they don't know how to be supportive, especially where chronic illness is concerned, and I lost contact with my best friend from school who said my own medical conditions had left me 'not convenient' to her social schedule and not so much fun now I couldnt party all night long. However, your man has stuck it out so far, and there is no reason why he should leave - men sometimes feel more protective during times of illness - my husband is so overprotective I feel like locking him in a cupboard sometimes! It should also be a test of your relationship really. Being ill isn't something you can control - other than compliance with your medical regime, resting etc. Therefore, your man has to accept you the way you are, or not at all. If he does leave then you just have to accept that he isnt deserving of your time, since you have done nothing intentionally wrong, and if it wasn't this 'life stress' another issue would come along in the future that affects your relationship. As for your illness, well there are things you can do to improve your own situation. If you are feeling depressed then seek help for this because your mood will be as disabling as your medical condition. Lots of people, including myself, had to take time to adjust to coping with medical conditions that affect your daily life. Some people can be very cruel and un-accommodating, but others can be warm and supportive. It is just a question of accepting yourself as you are, and understanding that the people who stay around you 'as you are' are the one's who are worthy of your time, limited energy and attention. Hope you feel better soon x.
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female
reader, hannieseds  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Hi there,
I am sending you as much love as I can muster from New Zealand to help you through your bad times.
The way I see it is if he really loves you and would do anything for you, then he will stick by you no matter what. That is what love is. It is about cherishing the happy times and supporting each other through the hard times.
You really HAVE to talk to him about everything you are scared about. You need to let him in and help him to understand exactly what you're going through, that way he can be there for you and understand the best he can.
As far as the others that have left you, you don't need people like that in your life anyway that run away when the going gets tough. They are not true friends if they do that. I know it doesn't make the hurt any easier of their 'betraying' you but in your situation you really have to try your very best to not dwell on things like that. Keep your strength up by concentrating on the good in life and if that means pouring out your heart and soul to your boyfriend, then do it.
And remember...
Through humour, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delievers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situatoin might be, you can survive it. - Bill Cosby.
xxx
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