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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi there... okay im 21 years old, when i was 18 i did something that I thought was stupid and wrong, i slept with my cousin! Before i get judged at, i couldnt help it, yes we were drunk but there has always been something there between us. Anyway, obviously we both felt odd and embarrassed about it and the first time we met afterwards it was pretty awkward. We've got over that now. He's in the army but has been coming home most weekends. I lost touch with him but the last couple of weekends ive seen him out and we chatted and it was great. Last night i saw him out again and we got on so well. Nothing happened but i wanna know if anything did would it be wrong or bad? He's my dad's brothers son. I haveent seen my dad in six years as he left us for another woman. When im with my cousin im so relaxed, i can be who i am and dont have to impress him or anything, theres definately something there and im so confused, i dont know wat he thinks and i dont know what i think. Please help and im not sick!! Thanks
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female
reader, SinnerOfPleasure  +, writes (28 March 2011):
Wow , I feel you . I just met my cousin and I feel so in touched with him , I feel as if i can be myself , and yess just like in your case hes my FIRST cousin , ughh-.- Youu have to realize you and him together is just a fantasy , let it go. Be strong , as for mee , I must do the samee as much as you want him , try to respect your family. Goodluck and god bless youu(: !!
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male
reader, Wild Thaing  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 "... i dont know wat he thinks and i dont know what i think."
There's always a risk in confessing one's feelings to another. This is the main issue for you. How much are you willing to lose by confessing? How much do you think you stand to gain by confessing?
What others think about a relationship between you and your cousin is irrelevant - this is noise that you can ignore. But what you should not ignore is that risk-reward evaluation. None of the agony aunts can tell you what course of action is right for you. Only you can identify this.
In your case, the only counsel I can give to you is to listen to your instinct (not your heart). It's talking to you right now, but first you have to clear all of the other noise away to hear it. Good luck and take care.
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female
reader, Faders_Girl  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Well i would just like to say that I have been with my cousin for nearly two years, on the 24th of july 2006 we will have been together 2 years, and we are so happy with each other, and i would also like to add - so are our families - they see we are happy, why would they want to ruin that?!
But,..i would also like to say i never met my dads side of my family untill i was 16 (im 21 now) and that day i met my botfriend, and we was on and off for years due to the family not agreeing then as they did not understand how our feelings were for one another, but 2 years ago we decided, sod them! we will show them how much we care for each other, and its paid off aint it!
It aint Illegal, (in the UK) it aint sick, it aint wrong, what im trying to get at is, u need to really, and i mean really work at it, coz there is alot of small minded people in the world, but you do what u think is best honey, all the luck in the world for you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): Well, moral standards are prescribed by common society. Love is an individual factor. Since we all live in common society, we are automatically in a psychological sense of course, connected to society in that moral system.
If we break everything down to the basic foundations, there isn't anything wrong with what you did or how you feel. However, since we live amongst other people with soft-coded ideals of what morality is, we can't help but feel guilty for the things we do.
However as DrPsych has mentioned, it isn't a good idea medically as complications may arise from having children. Psychologically, a lot of people are intolerant for inter-family relationships of this kind - even if its near and distant cousins.
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female
reader, bonym +, writes (29 May 2006):
 You said: Before i get judged at, I couldnt help it,
Well let me stop you there my friend, you could help it, we as humans chose to do everything, yes sometimes we are trouble is you didnt want to help him because you desired forced but in this scenario whether you were intoxicated or not, you could have helped it if you wanted to, the him as you said and there were already feelings there. He is a direct cousin, so there is blood there and I agree with everything Dr Psych said, think of the problems if you did get together, if you had kids, there is a strong chance of defects due to highly similar genes. You also said right at the end: Please help and im not sick!!
Well I dont think you are sick my dear, but if you are writing this, you know deep down its wrong. I think you should not take things further. If you are not able to cope with the stigma and issues that come with being sexually involoved with a family member, break it off. Take care. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (29 May 2006):
 The legality of the relationship depends on where you live - for example, in the UK you are allowed to marry a first cousin. However, there are two reasons why it is not a great idea. Firstly, it is discouraged on medical grounds as should you two settle together and have children there is an increased risk of complications. Secondly, if your relationship with him doesn't work out it can be embarrassing when you have to see him at family get togethers in the future. Your immediate family may not approve of the relationship, and may also feel embarrassed about it. It is not like a partner from outside the family because you can take control of the 'avoiding them' situation a little better if you want to in the future. Regardless of the legal situation where you are, some people think intimate relationships between extended family are morally wrong. You seem to subscribe to this since you posted your concerns, and say sleeping with him was 'stupid and wrong'. It is not up to anyone to tell you if what you are doing is 'wrong' (provided it is within the law in your area) but it is really up to you and your cousin to decide what to do. He may not wish to pursue a relationship but you won't find out unless you ask him. What's more, your apparent guilt about the whole situation may eat you up inside and not make this relationship viable.
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