| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: I am a normal teen, just trying to live the best I can, except there is one thing that is getting in the way of my everyday life...... my phobia. I have a major phobia against hugging. I don't know why and it's killing me! Showing affection is just so hard for me because the thought of getting a hug scares me. I feel like I will be suffocated or I wont be able to breathe! I don't know if it's normal, but my mom feels like I hate her or something when I object and scream at her when she asks for a hug. Boyfriends feel angry at me because I don't want to just give them a quick thoughtful hug like all the other girls! I cry because of it, and feel depressed..... is this normal? Am I alone? I soooo need some advice right now! HELP!
View related questions:
depressed Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 You are not abnormal as lots of people don't like close personal contact (I am a clinical psychologist). Smeedle is right about aspergers syndrome being associated with a resistance to 'hugs' but not always, and aspergers is about a range of behavioural and emotional difficulties over and above hugs. Sometimes OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) is shown through a resistance to hugs (but that is because people fear contamination). These medical conditions come with a range of different symptoms so it is unlikely that either affect you if hugs is your only worry.
Basically if you come from a family that don't naturally give hugs all the time then you will find it difficult to hug others - it is just learned social behaviour. On top of that, people have this invisible circle around their bodies called a personal zone - everyone feels uncomfortable when their personal zone is breached (stepped into) by people they don't know so well. There are individual and cultural differences in this personal zone, and of course hugs mean you have to step across it. It is also ok not to hug everyone as that is a sign of a superficial person - they express affection to everyone this way rather than reserving it for special people. If you cannot hug your Mum, and your friends then you need to get some practice in which means getting hold of a huge cuddly toy and hugging that lots of times. You can de-sensitise yourself to the feelings of suffocation etc this way, and concentrate on slow breathing when you do actually hug someone for real. Frankly lots of teenagers practise their kissing technique in the mirror, so you practising hugging is no worse than that! You can also work on verbal ways of expressing affection to other people that don't require a hug - compliments, and demonstratable acts of niceness like running errands for your Mum are just examples.
A
female
reader, smeedle +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Firstly I am not comfortable with "the huggy thing" I dont like the way people just want to hug you when they dont know you, but I do like it from a bloke im in a relationship with.
My son does not like anyone hugging him and this is down to him aspergers syndrome, which is a mild form of autism.
You need to relax and work this through, if you dont want to be hugged then dont, it is not a crime I dont like the way people kiss at greeting or leaving and will do anything to avoid this that is unless they are male and georgeouse, but we are all different.
Check out aspergers and if this is bothering you so much then try talking to your doctor who can reffer you to a behavioural councellor.
Like who you are and work with that, dont let your dislike of hugging make you depressed just decide if you want help with this or not.
...............................
|
