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female
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anonymous
writes: I have this boyfriend who i have a feelings cheating on me people have told me they see him with other girls at clubs even though there just dancing it hurts. He calls me names and tells me i can never do anything right i feel like i'm no longer good for anything. and i think last night he came back to pick up something and he parked the car far away from the building i seen a girl in there he didnt denied it but he said it was his friend girl that the guys were at the store and he had to come get something i dont know what to do please help i love him but its been 3 years of mental abuse. My life sucks and he doesnt apreciate any thing i do for him he says he loves me but by the things he does it doesnt seem like it. he even laughs when i cry.??? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto everyone thanks. to eyeswide open im not mad or anything i thank you for ur opinion. but i was just saying is easier done then said u know. and yeah i'am using him for a meal ticket but why whouldnt i after everything he has put me tru, thats the lease he can do for me. dont u think? ayways i have made my desion i only have 3 moths left of school im gonna put up with it well not put up but just deal with him i wont talk to him all try to avoid him ass much as i can and of course no sex even though i havent done it with him seans my suspicions. and then im moving with my aunt to the states. all star a fresh begining. and hes gonna be surprise when then 3 months are done and i tell him to move out because im living the country. so thats something he wont be expecting. seans every time hes done somehting to me i have always stayed but it all be diferent now i feal much stronger believe it or not and more sure on the decisions im taking. i hope u guys understand that is not a matter of not being strong is a matter that i have no one else and i cant find a job no matter how much i try. and i guess some of u are right i do depend on him but that wont be for long, as soon as im done my carrier i guess all be free because all be able to spport my self and wont need anyone.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): You are not stuck! My dear, all the advice given you is excellent, even Eyeswideopen's words were to given to you as a wakeup call. Don't be angry at her for exacting some tough love, so to speak. You know you don't have to 'live with abuse'..you know you have excuse after excuse to remain there. You know, there is a way out. It's called the front door. You can do the hard work of going it alone and supporting yourself instead of being a needy woman who fell in love with an emotionally broken man. I do not know why you remain with this abusive fellow. All of us are wondering why, as well? Some people 'choose' to remain in what is familiar, and evidently being treated like crap and abused has become familiar to you. How terribly sad. I am not sure what you want to do with this situation. Do you want to continue a relationship which this man? If you do, you already know the high price you will pay...you will have your spirit broken, if it isn't already. If you want to empower your life, regain your self-respect, become a strong independent woman of courage..then make the tough choice, find some help and go it alone. There is always a way...you just have to drop your self-defeating mindset and find a way.
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female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (6 June 2006):
 I wasn't trying to be unfriendly but you got to admit you are just using him for a meal ticket and you said you couldn't leave him because you can't afford it. What kind of help do you expect if you have pretty well closed all the options available from our end. I guessed you were just looking for sympathy and not advice.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionokay to to person who responded EYESWIDEOPEN thanks for your response but dont u think is more easy to say it. when ur not on my spot. trust me i have looked including i have friend who works midnights. and i have tryend to get in there. trust me no one calls me is not ass easy no one ones to hire you in the city that iam if ur not available all day and i got to school from 1pm to 6pm so the math.sorry honey thanks for your advice. but please next time when u decide to judge someone think first. because im not just whinin or letting of steam is the plain truth. and no one whos how i feel or how bad i want to change everything thats happening exept for me i thought if i came out here with out no one knowing me. i could get some nice friendly advice and i guess i was wrong.!!!!!!
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (5 June 2006):
Well obviously you aren't interested in finding a way out of there, you are just whining and letting off some steam. While you are putting up with his shenanigans watch out for the STD's he may be bringing home to you. It's a long way to the end of October.
PS. I had to work night jobs to get through college.
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female
reader, matron +, writes (5 June 2006):
 Hi, i still stick to my original reply. I'm sure you can find somewhere to go rather than stay with him, he knows you rely on him for everything so he feels he can treat you bad cos you wont/cant go anywhere else, prove him wrong find somewhere to stay and get out while you still have a little pride left. Good luck x
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell to all of does who wrote back to my question thank you. but the thing is that im stuck with him.i do want to live hima nd move on. but i cant the thing is that i live with him and he pays have of the bills at the moment im in college and not working my class schedule doesnt provide me with the enough time to work i know it may seem like an excuse but is not i have tried to look for jobs and must of the ones out there need you mornings and afternoons and thats when i go to school. this is why i feel so sad because i have no choise i have to put up with it until i graduate wich is soon i guess at the end off october but i dont know if i can take this abuse any longer o yeah and i found a condom on his wallet so that obiously tells me that he cheating i dont knwo what to do financially im stuck i have no one to help me but this jerk thinks he can go sleep with other girls and still come home to me and sleep with me is jsut not right i dont know, why god had to put him in my path my life sucks thanks to him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2006): Talk to him and set him straight don't be afraid of your imature boyfrind.if he tries to change the subject, dump him
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reader, matron +, writes (3 June 2006):
Hi, get out of this so called relationship. He doesn't deserve you. No one has the right to treat another human being that way, your self esteem must be rock bottom. Once you leave him and you start having fun with people who treat you with respect you will wonder why you wasted so much time with him. He will find it hard to have another relationship, there are very few people who would put up with his chauvinistic attitude. The love you say you feel for him is not love its fear, fear of thinking you could not live without him, the relationship is a habit, but a habit that can be broken, you dont need him or the abuse, be strong and make the break now you have a lot of living to do. Be happy x
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reader, Smiler +, writes (3 June 2006):
 Hey sweetie
Firstly lets start by putting a few things straight here ok... You don't deserve this idiot treating you this way and putting you through this mental abuse you are a person with feelings and emotions sweetie you deserve so much better, he's basically taking you for a fool and has no regard for your feelings at all, so why are you still with him? come on sweetie stand up to this fool kick him to the kerb where he belongs he does not deserve you! YOU CAN AND WILL FIND SOMEONE BETTER... THERE IS LIFE ON THE OTHER SIDE AND LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL... I have been where you are at the moment but i got out it was hard to stand up to my ex and be independant again it takes guts determination and courage and i know you have all of those things. Sweetie don't stand his lies and his name calling and lack of respect for you.... Your stronger than that i know you are i know its difficult and i feel for you but you can't let him go on treating you this way. YOUR WORTH MORE THAN THAT!!! come on now sort this out life is to short babe, you can find happiness away from him! go and stand in that light at the end of the tunnel take your head out of the clouds and fight for you own self belief!
I hope my advice helps you a little.... Good Luck! and remember if you ever need anyone to talk to or just some more advice, i'm always here for you... feel free to email me ok. Would love to hear from you again...
You Take Care Sweetie X
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reader, DrPsych  +, writes (3 June 2006):
 People will be treated the way they allow others to treat them. While his behaviour is clearly unacceptable, you are in charge of you, not him. Therefore, you alone can decide to stay with him, or to leave what you admit to be 'mental abuse'. While the BF may have his own personality problems, why should he change when he knows that he can do what he likes to you and all you do is sit there and cry, and then forgive him and stay anyway. It is easy for him to say he loves you, but actions are better proof than words. Loving someone is not an adequate reason for staying with them - relationships are supposed to be nice, life enhancing and 'fun' - these are three words I wouldn't apply to your relationship with this man. You have a choice to stay with him and endure more abuse and tears, or stand up for yourself, show him that you have self respect and dump the guy. Don't you deserve to spend your life with a man who treats you nicely?
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