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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm a 15 year old female from New Jersey. I was wondering if it was legal to date (without sex!!) a 23 year old male? If so, besides having sex/oral, if it was possible for him to get in trouble? My mom tells me its illegal for us to even just date and I was wondering if it was true.?.?. Please answer my qustions and thank you for your time. from havenoclue Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2006): Yes, it is legal. But in my opinion is that you really shouldn't be dating someone so much older than you at fifteen. You need to realize sometimes what older men are out for. I'm not saying that he's only out for sex, but a 23 year old going for a 15 year old seems a little fishy. He may be looking for someone who still has their virginity to someone who he can just walk away from that wont have much say in it.
if he doesnt have some master plan on what he's going to do, then i must say, he's very different from most 23 year olds who date 15 year olds.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): I can tell you that it is not illegal for you to to date. People don't seem to notice wen a 25 year old dates a 32 year old, its just because your younger. You should love your mum and repect her opinions, but also respect your opinions as well and I think if you love your boyfriend then you should stay with him because there is nothing wrong with that.
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Here in the UK as far as I am aware it is not illegal for someone your age to go out on a date with a 23 year old, but as everyone has said if sex is involved it becomes statutory rape because you are a minor. My dear I know you say that there is no sex involved but if the 2 of you become close and then you develop strong feelings, you may get caught in the moment and have sex just like that because you feel "its right". What your mum is saying may be true but as I am from the UK, the laws are different here and I do believe that in some states in the U S of A it is illegal for minors todate adults, but I am not entirely sure about the USA. My dear as you are only 15, I know you may think its silly, but why not just wait until you are at the legal age and then you wont have anything to worry about? Take care. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (25 May 2006):
 It is not illegal to have a friendship with an older man, but I can understand why your Mum might be telling you so...she is just being protective, and maybe with good cause. I am in an age-gap marriage of 11 years but we are both in our 20's and 30's. However, at 15 you might not have much in common with a 23 year old. If he is a virgin, he might be looking for someone younger to have sex with who won't notice his inexperience (men sometimes get worried about that). Or, he may have personality issues that mean he cannot relate to a girl of his own age and it would be easier to impress a younger girl who has less life experience. I am not going to say don't date him as, given my situation, that would be like throwing bricks when you live in a greenhouse. BUT I am saying go carefully with this guy until you know what he is really about, and don't be tricked into doing anything you don't want. My husband tells me that his grandma was just 16 when she married her husband of 18 years her senior and they were happily married for 40 years until he died. So, it is not always about 'age' but as you are still quite young you probably shouldn't be thinking about older men until you have dated a few of your own age so you have figured out what you like and what you don't.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 May 2006): I imagine that if you stick to the law and dont have sexih him for a while, you will find are in a boring relationship. What have you two got in common? Although it sounds cool to have an older boyfriend, the actual reality is that the relationship is gonna hit dead end before it gets out of second gear. I would advise finding someone your own age.
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A
female
reader, Scrummy bum! +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Yes it fine to have sex once you are 16. thats if hes gonna wait. Dont listen to Seratuki! the age difference doesnt matter if your happy and he is too. im 17, my husband is 26. we are very much in love and have a wonderful little boy together and another on on the way. enjoy yourself and what your doing isnt completly wrong if your not having sex. so dont listen to negative people. Jx
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (25 May 2006):
 Not illegal to date (ie. go to the movies or for a meal) but sex until after you are 16 would be statutory rape.
I'm in Australia and where I am you can have sex when you are 16 but only with someone who is two years older or less, so essentially in your case, you wouldn't be able to have sex with him until you were 18. But that is here not necessarilly where you are.
But, that law is very interesting because it prevents first of all, people having sex too young and secondly much older partners having sex with people under 18.
So in short, not illegal but not really a good idea either.
I think your mum is trying to protect you in teh same way that laws protect young people in Australian states.
He is much older - has different tastes, interests and lifestyle. I would be worried if one of my 25 year old friends was dating a 15 year old. Seriously worried.
Shows a lack of maturity from his side.
Might seem tempting but I would recommend finding a boy your own age. Your mum really does have your best interests at heart here.
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 I was interested in the answer to this, so I googled the phrase "New Jersey age of consent". It's 16, according to every website I visited.
That means that you can't have sex with your boyfriend until after your next birthday, or yes, he can go to jail.
Sorry to contradict your mum, but it doesn't necessarily mean that he can be jailed for merely *dating* you -- that is, if he keeps his penis to himself. She probably just wishes this were so, because an age difference this large is just asking for heartache.
Speaking personally, I have been in your shoes. My first serious relationship was when I was 16, with a 24-year-old. (I married him the next year. Big, big mistake.) The nuts and bolts of the issue is, other than that he will certainly desire you as a sexual partner because you're so young, you really don't have anything in common. And since you can't have sex, what have you got?
His friends will be older, his taste in music will be out of synch with yours, his educational days are most likely past, he'll have a career or at least a job that occupies his days, he has more sexual experience than you, he can go to bars and you can't... so, what do you talk about? What do you do together?
I went through all this when I was 16, and if it wasn't for the sex, my boyfriend and I wouldn't have done anything at all together. Now in your case, that's a compounded problem, because you can't have sex with him, unless you want him to commit a crime.
Final point: a man in his 20s who actually DOES have anything in common with a girl in her mid-teens has got to be socially retarded, and is probably not a good match for you anyway.
I've got to side with Mum on this one. Don't.
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female
reader, Seratuki  +, writes (25 May 2006):
 To put it bluntly,
YES!
No offense, but why would a 23 year old want to date a 15 yr old if sex was denied? come on. Chances are, if he agrees to no sex, that won't last long.
Find a nice boy your own age, trust me.
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