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female
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*is6372
writes: I found out 2 days ago that I am pregnant. My boyfriend has 3 children already and I don't want us to have anymore children around the house right now. He's asked me if I want to have an abortion and we have both agreed. I made an appointment, but now all I can do is cry, I don't want to kill my baby but I know its our only choice. He's not really there for me and i need him right now, I know he's dealing with it himself and that its hard for him, but how can I make him see that I need him right now. What can I do to get him to help and talk to me?
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female
reader, Sis6372 +, writes (26 May 2006):
Sis6372 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to thank everyone for the support and for listening to my problem. This is the hardest thing I have ever been through and I needed advise from an outside view. Thanks Again to everyone who answered my question. It has helped tremendously already.
A
female
reader, Jadzia1127  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 Governments have made rulings that it is a woman's choice to have an abortion not the man's. The man's rights to choose to have a child or not end the second he gets the woman pregnant.
Women who make the choice of abortion with a clear conscience, most still need counselling after. If your having this much trouble now, and if you go through with it the ramifications will be a lifetime of misery and depression.
There is the option of adoption that gives your baby life and a mom and dad that love it.
Talk to your family, friends, church leaders, etc. for support of whatever choice you make. Set up an alternate living situation if you live with your boyfriend, just in case he gets really upset with your choice. Talk to a lawyer or get legal help to set up child support, if you plan on keeping it. If you plan on adopting it, contact an adoption agency ASAP they can help you.
Make your choice and stick to it, this is your mental health that is in jeopardy.
Be strong and know my prayers are with you.
xxx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): Your message set alarm bells ringing in my ears immediately. You have only known about this for 2 days - it is an enormous and life changing decision to make and, if time is on your side, I would strongly advise that you take a few more days to think this over.You may come to the same conclusions in the end, but there would be nothing worse than fixing your fate in concrete and then wishing you had chosen another path.I can't say (no-one can - or should), whether you should keep the baby. It is up to you to assess your own life circumstances and evaluate whether you could be truly happy in either scenario. No-one would think any less of you for having an abortion, but on the other hand, having a baby of your own would not be the end of the world.And finally, YOU are the one that is pregnant. As controversial as this might be, I believe that you should make your decision based on what is right for you, and have faith that you can be a strong and independant enough woman to see your choice through to the end.Good Luck xx
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A
female
reader, willywombat  +, writes (26 May 2006):
 On reading what you have said I believe that having the abortion will damage your mental helath far more than keeping this baby.
I am a pro-choice advocate and not an anti-abortionist, but I am only telling you that because I do not want you to think I am saying have your baby because I think abortion is wrong. But I think you need to find somebody impartial who you can talk to (take your partner if you wish) and go thru every option. If you chose to get rid of this pregnancy feeling like you do you may be emtionally scarred - especially if you are in two minds about the *rightness* of making this decision. You need to look into every option.
Please talk again to your partner. Then find the strength to talk to an outsider who has no emotional involvement in this situation. Make decisons based on what is right for you.
I wish you luck honey.
xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2006): I think DrPsych gives good advice. I think you should not rely on your boyfriend for his opinion too much. Even know I am a man, I know this decision is hard for you, and all you can think about is what decision to make. *you* need to make a decision based on what is right for YOU. Not your boyfriend.
Imagine this situation - you and your boyfriend split up in the near future. Will knowing your boyfriend had a strong influence in you deciding to have an abortion affect how you feel then? In the future, you need to feel as confident as any one can be, that you made the right decision for YOU. Not for any one else.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (26 May 2006):
 The decision to abort is yours and your partners, although I would say it should be more about what you want since this is your body, your pregnancy etc. Your partner cannot give 'objective advice' about this because he doesn't want any more children. Therefore you need to seek independent counselling to discuss your various options. One thing you have to consider is that this is your first pregnancy, and although I don't know your age, you have to accept that if you have an abortion there is a risk that it will affect your future fertility (not everyone is affected, just some women). You should abort if you feel you don't want a baby at this stage, but not just to please your partner. Who knows what the future holds in terms of opportunities to be a parent again. If he is a decent man then he should accept your decision to keep the baby or to abort, regardless of his personal preference. You don't know if this relationship with him will last forever, or if he will say he doesn't want anymore children in the future (thus denying you the opportunity to be a mother). I am not in a position to judge what you do, and I strongly believe that abortion is a right. However, you already seem rather upset about the whole matter, so you really do need to seek counselling from a specialist.
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