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female
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*ost hart
writes: im 19 and in march i went on a girls holiday to tenerife, i met a guy who was 20 and he was with friends from uni, we got on really well and both really liked each other. we were staying in the same hotel and we ended up going back to my room and we selpt together but this was the first person who i had ever had slept with. I didn't regret it at all and still really liked him but he left a couple days later, we left on good terms and he was worried as i was a virgen that i regreted it but i told him i didnt and he said nor did he. But what i do regret is not geting his number or email because i think about him every day and whish i could see him again. i know what uni he is at so me and a friend have been thinking to go up there and see if i can find him, but some friends dont think i should, that i should leave it but i really liked him and cant help thinking what if? please give me advise on what to do!
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): Hun, here's my point of view and I need to be straight up with you. I am trying to understand why you are pining away for some guy you had 'one' casual sexual encounter with. Could it be, you are mistaking sex for affection? Just because someone has sex with you doesn’t mean that any affection exists. The problem here is you opened your body to him and became physically intimate, thus letting down your emotional boundries rather quickly. This is where women and men differ, greatly, for the most part. Sex drives the heart for a lot of females-that's why sex is precious and needs to be deeply considered before embarking on it. A lot of men (not all) have this ability to have sex, without getting emotionally close. You have given him your intimate self and a bit of your heart. Therefore, you want to take this further.
I would listen to your friends-they are genuinely concerned and are trying to protect you. They may be thinking exactly what I just told you. Dear, if he wants to find you, he'll figure out a way. It's amazing what resources a man will think of when he truely desires to be with a woman. If he wants you, he'll contact you. But..it's likely if he didn't offer his contact info to you, because he doesn't want to be found. Leave it alone and strike this up as life experience..and like DrPete says, retain it as 'a lovely menory'...and get on with life and your wonderful future you have ahead of you. But may I suggest something...in the future, only have sex with someone who really, really loves you, who cares for you, and who will appreciate and respect the physical intimacy, you are giving them Good luck dear..I wish you the best.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): Don't bother,take it from me,i came back from ibiza a while back met a spanish guy there,he wanted me to go back so i spent out money on a flight ticket,only to be with him 2 nights then i was on my own the rest of the time i was there.as he ignored me,when his friends turned up.move on and i'm sure you will find another guy,its only because you slept with him,you feel like this.women have feelings for men once they sleep with them,its different for blokes they can just walk away easy.he's probably already forgot you.and moved on to someone else.i know it sounds abit harsh but its true.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): It's of course up to you but I don't think I would! I would prefer to have the memories that I have, rather than have them ruined in case you don't like what you find!
The whole holiday romance thing happens to a lot of us, you're away from the burden of life, work, stress, in a hot place having the time of your life. Your emotions and feelings when you're on holiday cloud your reality-judgement and I gather, from knowing many similar situations that the reality of this guy is probably no where near how you judge it to be at the moment.
Hold on to your lovely memories, but keep them as just that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2006): Lots of Uni's have a web form where you can search for people's email addresses if you know their department. I'd try this before you attempt to stalk him down in person... Which I don't think is wise.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (15 June 2006):
 If you turn up at his Uni. the chances are that you will be looking for a needle in a haystack. He may also find it creepy as some people don't like being tracked down this way so probably not a good idea. However, since you know his Uni. and presumably what subject he is doing you could (a) write a letter to him and send it to the dept. secretary who can forward it on or (b) write to him directly since most students have pigeon holes on campus. The Uni. won't be allowed to give out any personal details on him if you call them because of data protection. Probably best to wait until September however as most Uni. students have left campus for the long summer holiday now.
What you have to figure out in your head is if this was a holiday fling or the start of something more substantial. Because he was your first, you maybe looking to dignify the whole situation by making a relationship out of something that in other circumstances would have just faded away. I am not trying to be cruel, but when men are that into you they would ask for your telephone number or contact details to keep in touch. It doesnt seem like he did that and he may just see it as a holiday fling, and he may even have a girlfriend back home. If you do make contact with him, don't declare your undying love as that may scare him off but instead just ask if he fancies hooking up sometime for a drink etc. Good luck!
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reader, Dazzerg +, writes (15 June 2006):
 I think you need to go with your gut. I think your friends who are advising you against it are only trying to protect you from getting hurt and being dissappointed and I think you have to ackowledge that because there is a danger that both will happen. You may not find him. You may find him and you may find he has somebody else. On the positive side you may find him and you may rekindle the spark.
The fact is nobody knows, its a gamble and its up to you if you take it. Go into this with your eyes open and as realistic expectations as you can because if you dont then you may end up hurt. Maybe even if it doesnt turn out the way you hoped it will stop you wondering what if. Hope that helps. Take care and good luck with whatever you decide to do.
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