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male
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anonymous
writes: Might be falling for my wife's sister... not sure where to go from hereI've been married for three years, and I love my wife, but I'm not sure if I've ever been "in love" with my wife (not sure there's a difference, actually).As my wife's younger sister grows up (she was only a teenager when I met her), I'm realizing that not only do I love her (like a sister, perhaps?) and am attracted to her (not surprising, as she's attractive), but I also seem to feel something more for her that I don't think I ever actually felt for my wife. I'm wondering if it's the first inklings of falling "in love" with someone.So I have no idea how she feels about me; I know she loves me (like a brother?) and likes spending time with me, but I go back and forth about the possibility that my feelings might be due in part to her feeling the same way.My wife and I are starting to wonder if we want different things in life, and I'm not sure that love is always enough when two people are drifting apart. It doesn't help when I think that her sister and I seem to want the SAME THINGS (but I might be wrong).What should I do? I don't know where to go from here. I'm hoping that either people can suggest options, or that an outside opinion might help me. I can't handle the current situation -- my wife knows deep-down how I feel, and I know she'll eventually be convinced that I'm falling for her sister.Thanks. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, madman???  +, writes (19 December 2007):
Yes, everyone is right.
I feel the same for my sister-in-law, mate.
She is just like me. We like a bit of everything.
But my wife is so selfish. If she doesn't want to eat fish and chips, no one else can eat, because if we do, she is gonna ask me why I go for the same things as my sister-in-law.
But I really love my sister-in-law. I think we can be good together.
But, as said before, if I do another step (because I said to her other day, that I have had some dreams about her and she likes it). if I do the next step, she might like or hate it. Who knows????
We can think: If it is in the same family should be alright.
But think in what your sister-in-law can think:
If he felt in love with someone else, who can proof me that happen again with me.... He may feel it for someone else in the future.
If you really HATE your wife and want to get rid of her. Just walk away. And try to approach someone else. Maybe your sister-in-law. but don't put her on the same boat.
Your wife maybe use against her, as well you.
Stop and think!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 January 2007): As already mentioned, the issue likely lies in the fact that your current relationship is not what you want--not that it is what she wants either.
Your 'other' (sister-in-law) likely is what you are focusing on as what you 'so want' rather than what you have.
First: Find out whether you will work on your marriage/wife or whether you will end your marriage.
Second: Ending your marriage may end your sister-in-law's opinion of you as well--or perhaps the 'vision' you have of you and your sister-in-law may not be the same after your marriage ends.
Third: Either way, I would advise some counseling to help you find out what it is you want in a partner so that you don't end up in the same boat later down the road...
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your responses; just having other points of view has already made a difference in how I approach this situation.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (17 June 2006):
 Your attraction to your sister in law, and your marital problems are separate issues really. If you were 100% happy in your marriage you wouldn't be gazing kindly at your sis-in-law. I know you say that you have problems with your wife at the moment, but you would just have to hate her to get into a relationship with her sister. Not only would that lead to the end of your marriage but it would play havoc on your wife's relationship with her family members in the long-term. Even if your advances were rejected, it would still cause problems in the family.
If you think your marriage is capable of rescue go to marriage counselling. If you think your marriage is doomed then just walk away. There are plenty of single women out there who would be happy to date a separated man. If you put some distance between you, your wife and her sister then your feelings may change in time. At the moment you are focused on her sister and having a fantasy about how you love her because you are dissatisfied with your current marital relationship - it is a distress call.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): Heaven help you all.So many lives will be affected if you act on this.What damage will you do to the parents of these women.What damage will be done between the sisters.Give this some thought, you could go through this ghastly upheaval only to find the family close ranks and leave you on the outside. On the other hand you could blow the family apart.Go along and talk to a counsellor, now, before you do any more thinking and any more harm. Maybe they'll be able to help you work out why you fall for one woman then need to recapture the feeling by falling for a similar one.Be very careful, lots of anguish could be ahead for all of you.
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