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female
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*larysage
writes: Difficult situation..... partner of nearly a year whom I live with has two children from previous relationship which ended about seven years ago. Ex still very controlling. Tried to keep things "friendly" and had her, husband, kids including new daughter over a couple of months ago. Had good chat but a few days later all I'd said was twisted now resulting in partner's son refusing to come over because I was "nasty" to mummy. His birthday party this weekend which I'm pointedly not invited to. Really don't know how to deal with this. Partner says I'm son's excuse, not a reason, and he knows I've done nothing wrong but doesn't make it any easier. HELP!!!! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, clarysage +, writes (13 June 2006):
clarysage is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks. Partner's mum thinks the ex can't find anything to not like so is inventing things too. Parnter had problems with his son anyway as if he doesn't want to come he's just left to do as he wants as mother uses no discipline with him whatsoever. Allows him at eight years old to watch adult tv shows enimem which is predictably increasing his vocabulary but not nicely! Ex says son scared of his dad as dad tells him off if swears, misbehaves, etc although I thought children were supposed to have respect for people and be well behaved (sometimes!!)The ex screams and shouts at BF in front of their kids that he's bad father etc etc and runs me down constantly. Should add that his daughter who's a couple of years older is fine with me and we get on really well. Actually told her dad that she "knows what mummy's doing" which is pretty upsetting. I also have a two year old from previous relationship and things are ok between my ex and my new partner, ex accepts that new partner has my daughter's interests at heart and happy for me that have found someone who cares for his daughter.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (13 June 2006):
 It sounds like you are a nice lady who has done her best to try to play 'happy families'. It is not your fault that the ex has responded badly, and it is a fact of life that people will twist and manipulate if they are not emotionally ready to accept you. She has probably seen that you are a nice lady and has to reconstruct that in her head by claiming you said nasty things. You are not to blame for her immaturity, and I can understand that your partner is in a difficult situation - he accepts you are in the right, yet wishes to maintain good relations with his son etc. Ultimately there is little you can do about the party etc. Just ride this one out with the good grace of being an adult - you know who is behind your expulsion from party time and you should console yourself that you are an adult who can withstand a few childish blows from the 'opposition'. The son, at the end of the day, has just been manipulated. Your partner has a responsibility to his child, but you do not. You have your own relationship with your partner and should focus on the time you share together. You know that you tried to be diplomatic but your efforts have failed. If you are excluded from social occasions then it is really not a problem - use your free time constructively on some pampering!
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