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female
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*lexJ
writes: I want my ex boyfriend back, we split up in November 2005 and i haven't been able to get over him at all cos i still love him. He has his own business and i work for him and even though this is hard, i love my job and don't want to leave it even though it would make it easier. He's been seeing someone for a few months though and it finished a few weeks back, but he told me its back on again now. We've just been on a business trip to monaco and we slept together and had a brilliant time together and i know more than anything now that i love him and want to be with him, i just don't know how to go about telling him, i was thinking of a letter or just coming straight out with it. Please help
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (16 June 2006):
 It sounds to me like you have become an 'employee with benefits'. You may have a past with this guy but I don't honestly think you have a future with him on the level you would like. I think that people use the age-gap thing as an excuse for another kind of problem in a relationship - lets face it, if you like/ love someone you just do and the age doesnt matter because true love is supposed to be unconditional. I know that you love this man and part of the reason that you stay in your job is because you like him and can be close to him but he doesn't feel the same and you cannot change him. He is clearly not MR Nice Guy because he has cheated on his current GF with you. I am sure he hasn't told her about it, and it means that if he cheated on her, then if you got him back then there is a good chance he would be sleeping with someone else as well behind your back. The fact that you work for him is just a bad situation - not only because you have an opportunity to see him, but more importantly because you are financially dependent on him (as your boss) and there is an unhealthy power dynamic going on here. If he was mature for his age then he would have not slept with you because he should be wise enough to know that work and play dont mix. I run my own business so I am aware about maintaining professional integrity and drawing the line between the professional and personal. I understand that it is complicated as you were going out in the past, but your relationship didn't work out there for a reason (and I personally think it is something other than the age thing). I am sure this man knows you well enough to see that you have affections for him, but as it stands he has his cake and he can eat it. He can sleep with you, and have another GF. You cannot change your feelings for him, but you can change your behaviour at the moment. You should find another job (one you like) and not use 'I love my job' as an excuse for staying because 'I love my job' really reads 'I love my boss and I like my job because I love my boss'. If you tell him how you feel then it will just create an embarrassing situation in your workplace. Keep your self respect in tact, and walk away. If you put some distance between you and him then it won't hurt so much.
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (16 June 2006):
 Hey there
sorry heres the rest... and go on to sleep with him? how does that fit into your plan to get over him? sweetie i don't mean to come across harsh on you at all but your not making things easy on yourself here? he may well of slept with you on the rebound and want nothing further, not meaning to sound blunt there... but heres you after sleeping with him just once your in love with him again... sweetie your gonna get your heart broken even more if you continue on this downwards spiral, to be completely honest with you if you tell him now that your in love with him again and he doesn't share the same feelings (which i strongly suspect from what you have said)it will feel like a kick in the guts... he seems to have moved on once by having another relationship with someone else all be it a short one you know so try and move on from this you have to be the strong one here, keep things strictly business between you two not personal otherwise i fear this will end in tears again :o)
I hope my advice was able to help you out with your situation sweetie and good luck with this... if you ever need a friend or a chat or just more advice don't hesitate to email me sweetie, I would love to hear from you again and know how you got on... Remember i'm always here for you anytime ok
You Take Care Sweetie X
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A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (16 June 2006):
Hey there
Well sweetie i do have to agree with dr pete here you have hardly mentioned anything about this guy... why did things end why did he become your ex? who ended things? i assume that you are split up for a very good reason which will still be there should you try to make this work again.. obviously your both professional enough to still manage to work together despite everything so, things can't be that bad so there i no need to go quitting your job, you say in your post "i haven't been able to get over him"? but then you go on to say you go on a BUSINESS trip
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A
female
reader, AlexJ +, writes (16 June 2006):
AlexJ is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe says he still has feelings for me and the reason wh we split up was because he had a problem with our age gap in 25 he's 39 and worried it wouldn't work out in years to come, the age does not bother me cos he looks after himself. Also he had an issue with me sulikng we would have a small row and i would sulk for days and he hated that cos his mother is a sulker too, but i feel i have changed and he can see that
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2006): You haven't told us anything about his feelings for you.
Why did you break up? How does he regard you? Why doesn't he want to be in a relationship with you?
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