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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 18, my boyfriend is 20 and we've been dating 2 months.I found it strange he didn't want sex at all during our relationship.Then he revealed to me he was impotent (and was extremely embarrassed when he said it!)Where do we go next??Ashleighxxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Juliette  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 No Viagra at his age!He should go to see his GP and if his GP is too embarrassed (and some are), try the practice nurse. If that doesn't work, ask to see a sex therapist, that is not as flippant as it sounds, a good one is highly trained in psychotherapy where there may be psychological issues, physical issues that need exploring BEFORE any medicines at his age. You are very lucky he can talk to you about it, and you could move forward with him in supoorting him as a friend, even if you choose to not be in a long term relationship.
A
male
reader, stan +, writes (18 June 2006):
viagra is good and cheap now
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A
female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (18 June 2006):
 It depends on whether having sex is that important to you right now. Is it? Whether it's a medical problem, or a moral decision or a psychological issue, the fact remains that right now, he can't have sex with you. I assume that, as a young single man, he regards impotence as a problem and wants to get treatment for it? Or does he assume that he'll never have sex with anyone, ever?
Ask yourself if that's a problem to you. What I think, or anyone else thinks is of no importance. This one's up to you and your own feelings about him.
If no sex a problem for you, and his other qualities don't make up for it, then you should be honest about that and tell him why you can't continue in the relationship. (Of course, knowing why you're ending things could add yet another level of difficulty to his impotence problem. But that's not really your fault, just something to be aware of.)
If you search your heart and realise that you can have a fulfilling relationship with him, even without sexual contact, then do that.
Lastly, there other sexual activities you could have that don't involve penetration. Maybe you two should think about alternatives, if he wants to give you pleasure...
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (17 June 2006):
 A lot of the time impotence is curable. Most of the time it is psychological, not physical.
Especially with your help, your boyfriend could overcome this. If you are willing to help and he is willing to try, then I suggest you two do some research on impotence and try a few basic things. You should also consider a therapist: there are lots of therapists who are able to help treat this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2006): He told me it was true, and then verified it by producing a medical form.Ashleighxxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (17 June 2006):
 Maybe he isn't impotent but just not ready for a sexual relationship and thinks that will put you off. If he really has an impotence problem then there are a range of medical treatments available dependent on its underlying cause. I am sure you already know about viagra etc, but this guy needs to be checked out by a medical doctor prior to using any medications to exclude any physiological or metabolic reasons for his 'problem. If he is shy of seeing his own doctor then he could always go to a family planning clinic as they maybe able to give some basic advice and give him some confidence.
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