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female
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anonymous
writes: I've been with my bf for 4 days, but we went out for 5 weeks or so last year. We're completely crazy about eachother and i've never been this happy in all my life. However, my family really don't like him because he has ADHD and gets himself into serious trouble on a regular basis. My mum won't let him call the house or let him come over or anything, and my brother insists on hating him even though my bf has tried countless times to change his opinion of him. My aunt works in the school that my bf used to go to but was expelled from for putting someone's head through a window, and she has been hearing bad things about my bf and telling my mum. No one will give him a chance and get to know him like i do. All they care about is the bad stuff, they don't know that he's sweet and loving and caring and gentle. I know i shouldn't care what they think, but i can't stop their hateful comments from getting under my skin. They don't seem to care that he's making me the happiest i've ever been. What can i do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (20 June 2006):
 You may have to ride the tide for a bit and see what happens. You have only know this guy for a short period of time and thats all that your parents and family can see. They cant see the side that you see and are likley not to as they care for you and think he is bad news. If you are that keen on him, maybe carry on with this and try not to listen to them, do what you feel is right and hopefully things will work out for you. If this turns out to be a long and caring relationship for you then your parents may have to come around to this idea. Carry on giving him support and being his girlfriend if thats what you want in your heart. In time your parents may come to see that hes a different young man to what they first thought, they are drawing thier opionion on bad things, so once they have come round to the idea they may be okay, they only want whats best for their daughter and are feeling that hes not it. If you are strong enough go with it and you will have a good relatioship as you stood by him through thick and thin, it is early days but if you want him make a stand and hopefully over time the heat will die down, especially if your parents get to know him.
Take care
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 June 2006):
 You have known this boy for a short period of time, and his family have been dealing with his symptoms for a long time! They have probably been worn down by his behaviour. I work with a lot of kids affected by ADHD and some of their parents need a long holiday! You should, of course, give this boy the benefit of the doubt and assume he is a 'good boy'. But if he is bad to you, don't make excuses for him saying it is all the ADHD. If he is getting into trouble regularly then he needs professional help before he ends up in the youth justice system. As a mature young lady you should focus on helping him with his condition rather than feeling sorry for him about his family. There is nothing you can do to change the way his family feel about him, but there is a great deal you can do to help him with ADHD. Research shows that an additive free diet and fish oil supplements are very helpful in behaviour management. Some teens respond well to support groups for ADHD - it makes ADHD'ers feel that there are other people out there just like them! Some people need treatment with Ritalin which is a prescribed drug for tackling symptoms. YOu should go through these options with him to support him with his condition. I do understand how you feel (and his family feel) as my husband is profoundly ADHD and it drives me crackers sometimes!
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