| A
female
,
anonymous
writes: dear Agony aunts. I was dumped last month still have feelings of anger towards my ex, and I'm feeling angry because of lies and false promises.I really want him to feel bad, I know he felt bad when we broke up- shame, that doesn't help because I was lied to for 3years, but I just want to make him feel the hurt, and make him hurt all over again. I know this sounds immature, perhaps, but believe me, when this happens, you don't care.I would like to send him a message and just express just how much I hate him, and that i wish I never even met him and that i never lost my virginity to him, and that he was the worst thing that ever happened to me.That might hurt him. I just want him to know that he has hurt me and left a very big scar that I hate.I wish that I could erase that bastard from my mind, infact wished he never existed.Help, i know it's emotions that are taking over my judgement, but that bastard proposed for us to get married, and on our one month anniversary when I was planning a little something dumped me saying that his feelings changed.What should I do?
View related questions:
anniversary, broke up, immature, lost my virginity, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, theocm  +, writes (13 February 2009):
 he will feel the burn of letting you go if you listen to the advice below. go out with your friends, get all dressed up, enjoy life, and in the end you will feel better. besides the fact that the worst revenge is living well, trust me nobody likes to feel like they had no impact on you- esp. after a break up. act as though he were nothing. and eventually he will be in your eyes.anyone who doesnt appreciate you isn't the one, why settle?
A
female
reader, Aunt Nicky  +, writes (1 December 2008):
 I have just been dumped as well, came totally out of the
blue. It is a horrible feeling I know. Don't send him any message, get out with your mates have fun and forget the bastard.. At least that's what I am trying to do... Just learn from this. Don't be bitter, even though i could claw his eyes out!!!!! He is not worth it..xx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2006): I seriously feel you are better off without him, I know this will not help much in the short term but eventually you will realise this. Do not come down to his level and send him the mesaage you're talking about, as it will probably just boost his ego when he gets it. You've been unlucky this time but take some time out, time realy is the best healer, the next few months will be very agonising and you will probably want to find out what went wrong, but don't bother I think you were just unlucky this ex of yours would have done this to anyone so don't blame yourself. Try not to rebound it doesn't work just get together with close friends and get on with having some fun, you will forget the looser ex before long - trust me I know.
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 June 2006):
 The only person who is angry is you, as he walked away. By remaining angry then you are letting him win really so try to let this go. Don't send him messages - some men would get a real ego trip off knowing you are hurting (not normal one's admittedly). Why give him the satisfaction? Isn't the old saying 'the best revenge is served cold', which means in your case you have to cool down (which may take time) and get on with your life apart from him. By showing you are a strong independent person who can weather the storm then it would show him how little he affected you!
...............................
A
female
reader, Smiler +, writes (22 June 2006):
 they seem to of added my answer like a few times sorry for the confusion they must think my advice is so good they need to repeat it over and over again lol :o) sorry again take care
...............................
A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Hey I know how you are feeling, but why stoop to his level and be the bad guy!! Yes he is a bastard!! Yes he has hurt you, but by mouthing off at him wont make him hurt, it will only show him that you cant get over him and that he has won!! He will pay one day, what goes around come around and all that. I had a relationship end badly, we were together 6 years he cheated and my world fell apart, there had been many lies over the years, not just the cheating which he had done for the last 6 months of our relatioship, but loads of things. We were engaged and planned to move into together, but in one afternoon, everything I had known for 6 years was gone! I know this is how you are feeling, and you want revenge, but revenge will not take away the hurting you are feeling. It wont even make you feel any better. I was totally humilitated when it happend to me and so wanted him to feel this way, but it doesnt matter what you want them to feel, if they cared they wouldnt have done it! It doesnt take away your hurt by venting it back on them, it prolongs it for you. Part of the reason that you want to vent this on him is because part of you still loves him, and you think that by doing this he will be sad and hurt too and come running back. Honestly that whats in your head without you really knowing it. Instead of going over all the lies deciet, focus on the happier times that you had and then let those fade, its like a karma, if you keep hold of the hurt, you wonder why you didnt change it, why you couldnt have done anything about it and you start to analyse it all over and over and it does your head in and doesnt stop the hurt. Gradually think about all the nice thigns, and tick boxes in your head of all the good things that have happend shed a tear and get it all out! Face it full on. NO matter how much hurt you wish on him its not going to happen, and you dont want to look the desperate one. Refrain from doing that and focus on the nice things and gradually start to close the chapter in your life, its happend now, you cant change it, whats done is done, and as hard as it is, we all need these thigns to happen in our lives to make us grow and to understand it all, its so not nice being hurt and it took me ages to get over my hurt, but you do get through it and come out the other side, a stronger person! Blot him out, hes the one thats lost out... You will move on be a nicer person without him, and find someone later on in life that will make you look back and think what that hell was all that fuss with him about!!
Take care and good luck x x
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): dear friend,
i perfectly understand how u feel coz i'm going thru the same pain and let down feeling. it's amazing how guys once they are out of the relationship forget their promises. u could message him that he was the worst thing that happened in your life. but i'm not too sure that he will feel very hurt now that he doesnt care for you or your feelings. u have to get over him. u should go out n enjoy life and forget him. please dont get more hurt trying to hurt him...ok dear? get out n get on with your life...all the very best to you
...............................
A
female
reader, Hot (Advice) +, writes (22 June 2006):
 STOP!!!!! Oh my, ahhh, not surprised you are feeling angry. Hey honey, that is most natural to be feeling like you do, it's the kind of reaction he knows would happen. Do totally the opposite, do nothing. Yes you heard me...do nothing.
He is expecting you to be angry, and your reaction is totally justified. Now you have to do the hardest thing possible, and stand back and hold your head up high. You would only be going down to his level if you were to seek revenge or lash out, how would that look? As you say you just want to hurt him the way he has hurt you, but actually that would hurt you a lot more then him in my opinion!
It might intially make you feel good in the very short term to lash out and try and get at him, but you would probably only end up looking an idiot in the process.
He is so not worth it...keep repeating that, what goes around comes around anyway, so you can rest assured that he will reap what he sows...whether in future reltionships or friendships, if he treats people the way he has treated you then he will lose respect.
Keep your respect intact, move on and forget he ever existed. Darlin, I wish you all the best, I hope this has helped a little and you have good friends around you right now for support, you take care. xx
...............................
|
