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female
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*ollie
writes: My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 weeks. We,ve known each other for about 1yr 1/2, everytime we saw each other he'd ask to take me out, but because he is 2 years younger than me i put off the idea. Eventually i agreed, and we had the best date ever! We get on really well and i feel really comfortable around him! Everything was going well, unitll last week where all the lovely text messages became brief and meaningless and he would only txt me back, not txt me because he wanted to. I havent seen him for a week, the get a txt saying that he doesnt know what he wants and doesnt want 2 mess me around! We arranged to meet last night to talk about it, I arrived @ his house @ 7, and receive a txt saying that he had was playing football and kick off was @ 7, so I rang him, he was in the pub! Hes explained that he could talk to me in the frame of mind that he was in! He said that he didnt want 2 argue and didnt know if he was ready for a relationship, and blurted out, "i'm scared im falling for you". He went on to say that he needed some space, some time onhis own! What do I do? I really like him!
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female
reader, snowbird  +, writes (27 June 2006):
 Dr. Psyche is spot on, and I can't help thinking that he is one of those guys who wants to 'keep his options open' and keep a few girls on the end of a string ... I have been there, and promised myself that I would never again be a puppet for any man! Good luck, be happy!
A
female
reader, anastasia +, writes (22 June 2006):
Yos and Irish are right and it is best that you sever all contact with this man. I just had the same experience, once he had me he went off me!! I told him it was best we ended our friendship as he was confused and messing me around, you should do the same. If you keep him in your life, even just as a friend you will end up getting hurt. But the most important thing to remember is that it is not your fault and his behavoiur is down to his issues.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 I definitely agree with Irish below. It sounds most like you were a 'conquest'. Once the chase is sucessful, interest wanes quickly. It's horrible to be on the receiving end, especially since he's a long term acquaintance and not someone you just met. Men can be b##tards.
I can only suggest that you leave him alone entirely. If he wants to be with you then he'll get in touch, if he doesn't then he doesn't.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): It sounds like you are getting the 'brush-off', dear. This guys actions and what he's saying just aren't matching up. If he was 'falling for you' he would be doing everything possible to be by your side, as we speak. Not sitting in the pub having a beer. When a man wants to be with a woman it's amazing what barriers they will go through to do just that. He sounds like he's one of those guys that likes the challenge of the chase but isn't committed enough to make it a lasting relationship. I am happy you aren't 'excusing' his behaviours and you are doubting his sincerity because so many women, always find some kind of pathetic rationale for their guy's bad behaviors. My bottom line about dating, is if a women is left wondering, confused and/or constantly trying to find rationale for why a man doesn't call or treat her better, she shouldn't be dating that person, period. My dear, it's time to 'lose this loser' and get on with living again. Good luck and take care.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Give him the space he requires. Some men just like the thrill of the chase and once they have what they thought they want...their attention wanders. You cannot control him or make him change as that is up to him. However if he is hiding out at the pub when he is supposed to be meeting you it isnt terribly respectful towards you. It also means you are not a priority for him at the moment. Perhaps he senses that you really like him and that he can behave badly as you will forgive him if he hints that he maybe falling for you thus feeding you what you want to hear. Give him some space and if he comes back...make sure it is on your terms and not all about what he wants.
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