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female
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anonymous
writes: I thought this 28yrs old guy at work was very attractive and i knew he was in a serious relationship for the last 3 years. I am 35 yrs and married for 16 years and have 3 kids. We talk alot at work because what we do we need to be in contact alot. Over the last 9 months we have become great friends, we talk about everything together even my husband and kids and his gf. We are always there for each other, when one of us is having a bad day at work or at home. Sometimes our conversations can be a little sexual in read between the lines kind of thing. I have not been able to get this guy out of my head, i get butterfiles in my stomach when i see him. Recently our conversation turned serious. we were joking about me wanting him, as he does all the time. i said "at least i know what I want" he said just say it and stop beating around the bush, maybe i want you too? This is where we are at we both want each other in a bad way. It sure doesn't help matters that my husband is always yelling at me and the kids!! i love my husband and kids and don't want to ever get a divorce. But why can't i have some fun with this guy, if it is only about some wild sex with a good buddy. you know the term F**k Buddies?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2006): I want to thank everyone for there advise. it has made me think about everything. don't get me wrong the sex with my husband is amazing we have sex 3 or 4 times week and i always have multiple orgams. We get along for the most part as long as everyone is doing as he think we should be doing things. i come from a divorced home and have alot of friends that have gone thru the big "D" and swore no matter what i would never put my kids though that. that is why i thought if i could just have some fun on the side even if nothing physical happened with this guy, what would be the harm. We have more than just an attraction to one other, we understand each other and all that happy shit. it was like that before anything was even mentioned about be attracked to him. We have talked since i last wrote and we have deceided before i remember i wrote this, that even though the attraction is there very much and we got close enough to going to make this happen enough to meet somewhere where we could be alone, that pry wasn't a good idea. We both have alot to loose and it would pry hurt our friendship and we take that very serious. i guess i got caught up with the fact that because we are such good friends and get each other in everyway, we can tell each other everything that we did begin to have sexual urges for one another. We have also deceided we would never be alone somewhere because we are not sure we could obstain from some sort of sexual contact. i do really appreciate your words of wisdom it is nice to read back and realize things you just can;t see about what you are doing. It all makes me sound like such a selfish person. thank you i do understand that i am selfish when it comes to something i want. i will work on that.
A
female
reader, kae baby +, writes (25 June 2006):
no no no no! THATS SOOOOO DISRESPECTFUL!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Why you cannot have a f-buddy?
1. He's a man from work - you have to see him over the photocopier for a long time after the lust has worn off. If it gets out in work then you two will acquire a reputation that can harm your professional opportunities in the future.
2. It distracts you from fixing what is really wrong i.e. YOUR MARRIAGE. If you are having marital troubles concentrate on fixing them, how would you feel if your husband had an affair?
3. Your f-buddy isn't the capture you think he is. He may be making you feel special at the moment because of the attention, but if he is hitting on you then you are one in a long line. This maybe your first affair, but it may not be his...how 'special' will you feel after casual sex...at 35, I am sure you know how friendships cannot be restored after sex as it gets confusing so why not concentrate on what you have with him - a good mate - stop the flirting and focus on that.
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A
female
reader, camille +, writes (22 June 2006):
 You asked "But why can't i have some fun with this guy, if it is only about some wild sex with a good buddy.". Er, because you are married. It may seem like harmless fun, but that would be rare. Think about it ratiionally. Once it starts, how and when will it stop? You're spending a lot of time with a man you find attractive, it's time you saw that this can only lead to heartache. Talk to your hubby about the shouting, try and relight some sexual sparks. Be honest with him. How would you feel if you found out your husband had cheated? How will the children react? Do you even care? If you want a fuckbuddy then you shouldn't be married. That term is only for singletons. For married people it's called an affair. If you are going to embark on any infideltiy, I suggest you ask yourself what would you do if it all goes wrong (odds are it will) and save yourself a lot of sadness by staying faithful. It will not only turn your world upside down, it will hurt many innocent people. And for what, a shag? Surely you can see it isn't worth it? Get a vibrator if your husband isn't doing it for you and fantasise. Keeping it in your head will save people pain.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Er... this is called cheating!! You stand to lose the lot if you get caught.. If you loved your husband it would not even enter your head. Stop thinking about this other guy, there is no such thing as a Fu** buddy... One always falls harder than the other and before you know it, you dont know whether to stay with your husband or go off with your lover. You think it will all be about sex, but that changes, and you get attached, you might say no I wont, but one of you will! Even if you didnt its so hurtful and decietful and you would really hurt your husband and your kids, dont just think about yourself you have a family, act like you care for a change! You havent thought about this clearly enough. YOu need to address what is missing in your marriage, not go elsewhere and cause a complication. If your husband isnt performing as you want then talk to him, finding sex else where is not the answer, you risk losing absolutely everything and ruining two relationships. If the spark is missing take steps to change it. Talk to your husband find out what the issues are, if you really love him you wouldnt even consider a feck buddy!!
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (22 June 2006):
 Well if you go ahead we'll see you back here in a couple of months which a huge pile of regrets and guilt, and a husband that is divorcing you (and getting custody).
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2006): Ah so immoral, but whatever churns your buttery juices. Better to get your approval fix somewhere else, as this is a site to help relationships and not create bad ones.
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