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female
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*herylkitten79
writes: Me and my boyfriend are having problems he physically abused me and was arrested. I love him and I don't know what to do? I don't know whether to stay or go?He is on medication to keep him calm and he has been doing better. He still has mood swings and makes outrageous accusations. He makes me feel lower than dirt and I still am with him. I need advice, please respond? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 You need to leave him, difficult as that is to do.
Abuse is unacceptable. He is damaging your self esteem and your life. It is essential that you get free of him.
It's also essential that you make sure you are ok once you are free of him. It's a very tough situation you are in and the effects can ripple out into future relationships and other parts of your life. Take some time to give yourself some TLC, see some good friends or your family if you get on well with them. And be very careful with the next man you start to fall for... you could do with a nice sensitive guy without pent up aggression issues, after what you've been through you certainly deserve it! Good luck
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female
reader, bonym  +, writes (19 June 2006):
 My partner physically abuses me, humiliates me, treats me like a piece of waste off his shoe, doesnt trust me and I have to ask for advice on whether to stay or togo. My dear, listen to how it sounds. Dont you think you deserve better? Why are you allowing yourself to put up with this treatment? Who is this man, that he has some major psychological hold over you. Get rid of him, he is no good. You stay with him and things will go from worse to worse, not bad, the situation is at its worse. Take care. xXx
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 June 2006):
 Sort out your self esteem young lady! It never ceases to amaze me what abuse women will put up with for the sake of their relationship - it is not admirable. His mental health issues are not your problem, and being alone is better than being battered. He won't change and cannot change without specialist counselling - the drugs don't work when the attitude is wrong is the first place! What happens when you have kids? Will he batter them too?
You do him no favours by staying because you are giving him the impression that it is ok to abuse women - only by leaving him will he be able to face up to his problems.
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female
reader, Hopeful +, writes (19 June 2006):
 My mother always told me that it is better to be alone than in a relationship with a loser.
I live by that advice.
In my book, any woman who is abused by her husband or partner is better off alone. any woman who feels "like dirt" when they are with their partner is better off alone. any woman who lives in fear of their partner is better off alone.
Turn to family and friends for support and get the hell out of there.
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2006): You should definitately stay.
[pauses for the usual people to bash me]
[sigh]
Women (and men) who allow themselves to get abused by their 'companions', usually have low-self esteem. Believing/feeling that as long as the 'love' their partners enough, their partners may eventually love them back - even if it's a little bit.
There is an obvious answer here, but thus far, you've chosen to stay. A million people can tell you that this fucking bastard should cut off his own dick, shove it up his virgin asshole, then proceed to go shoot himself up the nose with an elephant gun for abusing you. I would too, but ultimately, as you have obviously done, is stay with him still.
I've given my usual blunt 'advice', everyone else will give you a version of what I just said above. What are you going to do Cherylkitten?
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A
female
reader, bikiniilove_xX +, writes (19 June 2006):
thats a tricky situation. if you didnt tell me hes been taking pills to keep him calm, i would of just said flat out leave him, but since he is thats a little more dificult. i think that you should stay with him for a while, and see how the medication works out. from what your saying its a problem he cant control and it sounds like some sort of health issue. if this is the case your gunna be going through a lot of rough times but if you truley love him, stay. if his abuse keeps getting worse as hard as it will be, i think you should leave him. if you dont want to leave or stay, take a break. maybe you both need some space to breath and your lives will both smooth out,so you both have room for a rough relationship.
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