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female
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anonymous
writes: I am disgusted with my personal life. I'm 25yrs old and have had 3 really serious relationships so far. All three guys had proposed to me, we were engaged and all three ended up as MISERABLE FAILURES. The first guy - after 2.5 yrs of being together with him, I realized I was not in love with him and called it off with him. I was MADLY in love with him when we first met, in fact I was the one that pursued him... somehow I felt no love for him and called it off 6 months before our wedding date. I analyzed and realized that I was too young (19yrs old) and that I will definitely do better next time.I remained single for the next one year and met a bloke who blew the daylights out of me. After very painful 6 months, we settled down and lived together for 6 months and then I really don’t know what happened – we broke up. I had to move to a different place with a new job, he couldn’t make it after me, the separation made us really insecure and we called it quits! We had been engaged for 6 months and called if off 5 months before our planned wedding date. Now, I broke up with my last ex 3 days ago. This whole relationship was a mess. Exactly after one year of splitting with my second b.f., he came along. He pursued me, made himself look like a saint compared to my previous ex and after 1yr of being together, I see through his façade and decide not to be with him and call it off with him. This guy and I were engaged for 6 months and split 6 months before we were due to be married. I never realy felt I loved him but I definitely loved that he treated me so well. Soon, I began to see his lies and gave him a couple of chances and dumped him. What is wrong with me? Does everyone see a pattern in all my relationships???Or does it take a few months for all these men to realize that they are better off without me? I feel sick thinking about the time I have to spend alone. The whole dating hell looms before me and I feel like killing myself. I am a very loyal, honest and dedicated partner. Is this not what men want these days??? I am HOT too!!! Just what is it about me that repulses people????
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broke up, engaged, insecure, wedding Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2006): There is your problem right there. Instead of, comparing the next lucky guy to your priors, maybe you want to re-evaluate what you want and when you find that out things will work out. See, I know where you are coming from. I used to analyze and compare. All it did was drive me to suspicions and was too blinded to find out who I already had. It's hard to enjoy the right person if you keep waiting for the bomb to drop. Try to enjoy your new love and see him not similar traits.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Your relationships failed because they just weren't working out, and thank goodness you found out at the engagement stage before commiting to a marriage that was doomed to fail. Don't put yourself down, or look on these experiences so negatively - you should learn something about yourself from them. Put simply, reflect on why they all went bad and avoid this in the future - don't get engaged quickly as it can take many years to figure someone out. Lots of people have bad relationships - I have kissed many frogs in my 20's before meeting a prince in my 30's. I wouldn't have treated my husband as well as I do had I not learned a few lessons about men in the past. Stop worrying about dating so much and relax. You are young and you need to wait until the right man comes along for you rather than grabbing someone just to be a couple. Just relax, appreciate yourself for who you are and be thankful that you are not stuck in marriages to people who are not compatible with you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2006): I think you need to stop jumping the gun and getting engaged so soon. What's the rush? Find a guy and make sure he is the one before you agree to committing the rest of your life to him.
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