A
female
age
41-50,
*iwotmitiku
writes:How can I handle my life?I'm 30 yrs old I have i'm married for 6 yrs now. i didn't have sex with other guys but when i tested my blood i'm positive with HIV, do you recommend to tell to my husband? He will kill himself and I belive him he didn't do it. How can u help me? Maybe that is an error? please help me[Moderator note: Added.]my name is Hiwot, I don't have any sex relationships except for my husband and I belive that my husband also had no exprience sexually except for me. but I face a big problem, I test my blood and get +ve with HIV. How can I handle my life smoothly. don't advise me to tell to my husband he will commit suicide, I love him I'll not allow him to do this. I checked three times but the reason is the same. Is there any possiblity that the result be false? ]
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008): i think you test is a false positive , all you have to read is the site of eleni papadopulos , sthephan lanka..you will find all..about this... bye
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2008): it sounds like you are testing positive with a test you do yourself -- GO TO A LABORATORY -- don't rely on a test you do yourself -- maybe the test is not accurate -- I've said a prayer for your tests to be wrong -- good luck
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A
female
reader, nicole77  +, writes (12 October 2008):
Let me start by saying u don't tell him you ask him who she is ? I am 31 and I have never cheated on my husband . I just found out I have gential warts and he a girlfriend for 4 years luckly I don't have aids.I feel you pain. I know that it ony gets deeper. God Bless u.
P.S.
He will lie
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hello Hiwotmitiku. Let me tell you I had a blood test some years ago and was told I had leukaemia. Further tests showed I didn't have leukaemia. It was a false reading. The point I make is that these things need checking. Checking by qualified professional medical staff.
So what should you do now??? First you talk to your husband and tell him that the first test you,ve had done shows positive and indicates a possibility that you might have HIV. I emphasise: might have HIV. You both need to support each other now and go forward to having further tests. You should refrain from unprotected sex in the meantime.(all the more reason to tell him the situation now) Go into this together, helping and supporting each other. Two brains think better than one. One brain doesn't think very well at all when it is trying to be secretive.
As someone else said, don't worry what the cause is, focus on getting proper diagnosis. There are many different ways of contracing HIV, sex is only one of them. Whatever the final result, the cause will not be important.
I know all these things are easily said - and you will have a lot of worry and be very anxious - but one of the reasons this website is useful is when you have a "cluttered and troubled" mind, it is good to hear other peoples advice and you can choose from the suggestions when you are not thinking clearly yourself. So - tell your husband of the possibility - and go and get a proper diagnosis.
I will hope and hope for you that everything is alright.
Regards
Richard
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A
female
reader, samohir  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 It could be false.I would suggest doing the test again,and if its positive again, would reccommend strongly telling and speaking to ur husband.Hiv is serious infection, it could although not necessarily go into the stage of AIDS, no matter what caused it, it requires much medical care, and its better not to be alone it it. Its not taboo, and you should not be afraid telling and speaking to your husband, Together you ll be much stronger to deal with the sub-effects later if they appear.You may have Hiv but never get AIds it depends, but speak and consult a physican as soon as possible.
Best of Luck
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 November 2007):
 I think you have to tell your husband as a matter of urgency for a range of reasons. The source of the infection is of secondary importance to the health implications here and now. HIV needs careful medical management. Early onset anti-retroviral therapies are effective at prolonging life expectancy and preventing the onset of AIDS. It is also possible that he doesn't have HIV as there are a range of factors involved in transmission. The condition is far more widely understood now than 20 years ago and you both need specialist counselling.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 As I live in a developing country as well, I can tell you that sometimes the people who do the testing for AIDS get all mixed up and don't really know what sample corresponds to whom. In the country where I live, a woman was told she had AIDS, and she believed it for six years that seemed like an eternity to her. She only got a second test after all those years had elapsed without her becoming sick at all. So, the first step is getting tested again, if possible in TWO different laboratories. Two results out of three are a better indication of an infection.
This "confusion" happens not only with AIDS. People are told they have hepatitis, or Chagas disease, and a second test reveals they are not sick at all.
You should tell your husband about the AIDS. If you're infected, then he must be, too. Even if only you are infected, you need to make very different plans for the future. I'm not sure whether you have any children, but, if you do, then you must think about them, as well.
Don't tell anyone else about AIDS unless you're sure. If my country is any similar to yours, then I can tell you that people would avoid you if they knew you're infected. You must have NGO's for support and all that, but I know those are useless against social rejection. Keep your disease to yourself for as long as you can; if you're really infected, that is.
You should know where the disease came from. I'm sure you didn't have sex with other men before. In that case, you got the disease from him, most likely, or then from a blood transfusion, or dental care. In our countries, not all clinics are careful to really autoclave the equipment they use. You should know the source of the disease because, if your husband got it from another person, then he should also tell that person, and all the people that person has slept with. This is like a chain of events, one leading to the other. And you two should be extremely sincere. Hiding facts helps no one.
Maybe he hasn't been unfaithful to you. Perhaps he had the disease before he married you? Sometimes it takes up to ten years for AIDS to show.
In any case, keep your cool. Don't rush to conclusions. First of all, get those two additional tests soon. Then, if you are infected, think hard and carefully about what you're going to do.
If you're infected, live your life as fully as you can. This is something we should always do, but we get distracted. Whatever your status is, try to be as happy and live a life as fulfilling as circumstances will allow.
Please keep us posted if you need to.
Take much care.
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A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (6 November 2007):
Please be aware that HIV is not the death sentence it once was. Now, there are a range of medications that will help your body cope with its immunity deficiencies caused by the virus.
I know there's still a stigma to HIV, but in reality, it is just a virus that affects your immunity, and now medications will help relieve the effects of that. So, although I know it seems scary, try not to be too afraid. Nowadays, people are living long, long lives with HIV, not just dying from it.
And, if you're absolutely certain it didn't come from YOUR sexual activity, and you've not had blood work which could have passed it into your system, AND your husband is the only man you've had sex with... I'm afraid the only logical answer is that you have contracted it from him.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi
You have to tell your husband, If you really love him you would want to protect him and let him take precautions. You need his support and you should get some counselling.You need all the support you can get but who you tell is your choice as it is your choice to keep your status private. I wish you all the luck.
Take care of yourself and be confident.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): I cannot begin to imagine how you must feel, that is so terrible. You owe it to yourself and your husband to tell him. You have got this from either having sex(which you say you havent had) or a blood transfusion but you must tell him. If you have checked the blood test result again then there is no doubt that you have it. Please dont suffer with this alone. Which country do you live in? Sorry i am rubbish with flags.
You need some kind of professional counselling for the both of you when you tell him.
Please take care
xx
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A
male
reader, Sandman +, writes (6 November 2007):
 First question: are you sure your husband hasn't had sex with other women except with you? Has your husband been tested for HIV? Could you get him to get tested? I think this might help your situation greatly.
Did you have sex with any other men before you got married? It is possible that you were infected with HIV before you got married and because you now you're getting tested, the test is positive.
I'm not going to advise you to tell your husband - but as his wife you do have an obligation to him to let him know what's going on with you. And you need to get him tested to find out if he has it. If not, then you need to stop having unprotected sex with your husband and use condoms. If he is infected also, you both need to see a doctor to start medications right away before the disease begins to really break down your immune system.
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (6 November 2007):
 God, how awfull for you.
I would go back to the hospital and have this tested again. Have you had a blood transfusion, or is there any posible way that you could have contracted this illness another way.
I know that you dont want to tell you husband, but face the fact that you are going to have to, if the results are right. I really dont know what else anyone could tell you, apart from get back and have the test repeated as soon as you can. The doctor will be able to direct you to a person that can help you, and your partner.
XXX
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Before stressing out totally - have you had any blood transfusions or anything like that? That could be the cause of it also??!
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