A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,My name is Faith and im 21 years old.I have triplet 5 year old girlsTheir father died 11 months after their birth.3 days ago his mother demanded that the children went to live with her as im struggling. Im not. I work a part time job and own a small 3 bedroom flat. Ive looked after my girls for 4 years on my own and now she thinks they would have a better life with her. Im just after some advice on if i tell her no, is there anyway she can get the courts to take them from me?Im really scared i dont want to lose my children.Please help.Thankyou Faith.
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male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (17 February 2008):
Hi,
You have two problems, one is the fact that you live in the UK and she lives in the USA. If she gained custody you would not automatically have right of residence in the USA so access would be difficult and she could no doubt make it impossible. Secondly the courts in the USA are far more friendly to money than the courts in the UK when it comes to family law.
You appear to have not only done well in raising your children but also in dealing with what has been a very difficult situation for the last 5 years.
What I am afraid of (for you) is that if she succeeds in getting a US Court to recognise jurisdiction (not always easy but it is possible) then she could get court orders over there possibly before you had a chance to defend. The UK courts would then be obliged to give some weight to those court orders and so mounting a defence against her action in the UK would be much harder.
My suggestion is that you need to get a UK Solicitor that specialises in Family Law and also has familiarity with the US legal system. Tell her (or him but I think you would be better off with a lady lawyer as a general rule in this case) everything. It is my non-legal opinion that you need to get a court order in the UK that establishes your sole custody of the children and not just custody by default as the only surviving parent. The reason for that is that if she then later succeeds in getting a US court to hear her case and gets an order, you can get it overturned because the UK will have legally established prior jurisdiction and the US Court will not be able to maintain authority.
I would be very cautious before travelling to the US yourself with the children and certainly you should have legal advice before any time you intend to let the children be with her. There is the matter of an international family law treaty known as the Hague Convention. Your solicitor will know about it. In preparing for your children to spend any time with their grandmother or other relatives, particularly overseas, there are things you can do and statements you can get from her (or other family) that clearly establishes that the children will be returned and that if they are not the Hague Convention will apply. Your solicitor will know exactly how to deal with this but the effect is that if the children are not returned as promised then you have all the authority needed to have them returned by the police and social services under the Hague Convention and no Court of a signatory country can overturn it, even if there are allegations of child abuse. This I have personal knowledge of from my own 2 oldest daughters. I had statements from school teachers, child minders and neighbours but because I had promised their return they were returned forcibly to Australia despite my appeal to the High Court of England. Of course this is still no guarantee but at least your solicitor can provide you with some protection and advise you on the latest (my case was 20 years ago). At the end of the day, if in doubt, do not promise to let them visit and if a court order at any point requires it (not likely with a grandparent) then you are in a position to insist on legal guarantees.
If you want to talk more about this then send me a private message. I will be glad to help and can point you at solicitors that should be able to help and would be strong enough to deal with the international complications.
Good luck and keep on going.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (10 February 2008):
 I finally found your other question. I'm not familier with your laws, but I do know ours follow fairly close when coming to family law. The courts don't care about how much money you have, or how many material posessions. They care about what's in the children's best interest. Generally if anyone attempts custody, they must have substantial reason why making a change would benefit the kids. In other words, they have to prove that you're not able to care for your children or them living with you posses risk to their health or mental well being.
And that's if a parent goes for custody from the other parent. She'd have a much more difficult time because she's a natural parent of your children. People other than the natural parent have a much greater burden to prove neglect or abuse when seeking custody.
Personally, I wouldn't loose sleep over her wishes.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, love-him +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Hi hon, talk to his mum and ask her to explain her reasons.. and think to yourself if she puts this throught the courts.. is this going to allow her the children or not..wel done on raising your girls, good luck for the future and keep in touch =]feel free to mail me at any time xxx
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (8 February 2008):
Wow you are a mother of triplets! You are so precious.1 in a quarter of a million women have triplets. Fantastic. The children belong with their absolutely miracle making warrior woman mother. YOU! I have twins so I am a 1 in 80 kind of girl. Keep your triplets with you. And being a sole parent to the triplets just shows how gutsy and strong you are. The children belong with you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): I absolutly agree with Dr Psych 110% hunny xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (7 February 2008):
 congratulations on raising your children alone - i think that is a truely incredible achievement and you should be very proud. I have done considerable work with social services here in the UK with regards to child custody and child protection matters. I would like to reassure you that there is little this woman can do to remove your children - family courts take a very poor view on this sort of disruption unless children are at risk of significant harm and it is always thought that children are better off with their parents in most cases. The fact that she lives in the States adds to her lack of a case since your access to the children would be reduced by the distance. If you think she is bullying you then you can seek an injunction against her but it would be expensive legally with her being in another country - you could serve a harrassment related injunction on relatives in the UK with the help of the police if they are hassling you. I think anyone strong enough to raise all these children on her own at such a young age is also strong enough to turn around to granny from hell and say 'no'. I should add that if you do decide to let her have access to your children either in the UK or USA then it should be supervised visitation.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello again,No there isnt a single leg she could stand on as my children are in a good school, they went to preschool before that i earn enough to keep us in the flat and to give them three meals a day, give them nice clothes, uniforms, presents and everything they could possibly wish for.All of her other family (her mother, father, siblings etc) are in this country and also think my girls would be better off without me and with her. They wont come to my house to see them, i have to travel with all three girls about 5 miles to see them each week.Yes she has a husband, although he refuses to be any part of taking the children from me (they werent his biological children.) However he wont argue against her and try and stop her. He just wont be of any part in it. Except putting up a home for them of course if she gets them.My family disowned me when i was first pregnant at the age of 16.She is currently living in America, and believes she has everything else the girls want excetera - A HUGE house with a pool, a maid, housekeepers and of course she would get them into private schools.Ive asked before if she would like me to move over there with the girls but she doesnt want me in her house. At all. I know it sounds selfish not letting my girls go and live with her because she has everything they would ever need and probably a better life for them but they are my life.Im not sure what else you would like me to add. My boyfriend was a great daddy before he was killed (plane crash and ive told the my girls lots about him and they know how much he loved them. They also know about their Grandmothers situation and it would make a lovely holiday for them (with me of course) but i cant go, and i refuse to let them travel by anything alone. Especially not a plane.Faithx
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Hi Faith. I am taking your post very seriously because I have seen something like this before. I'm sticking with fact finding for the moment.
As someone else has suggested, Citizens Advice would be a good place to start. If you can, Go and have a chat with them when the girls are at school. Can you take a couple of hours out of work or take half a days holiday? But I do understand that posting on a website is probably your first option as it doesn't involve too much time.
Do you believe there are any grounds at all that the grandmother could use?? On what basis might she make a claim on the children?
Are there people in this country your the grandmother could call on to help her take the children?
The grandmother has suffered a terrible terrible loss. Does she have a husband?
Where do your family feature in this ?? Can they help you?
Which countries and cultures are involved here?
Can you add anymore?
Don't worry - you are completely anonymous. There are 60million people in UK.
Please update, Thanks. Don't worry , Richard
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Hi Hunny,
You stick to your guns sweetheart, Its very sad the losses of both her children, But that a grief she needs to deal with in a different way than trying to replace her children with yours YOU TAKE GOOD CARE OF THE 4 OF YOU LOVE MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (7 February 2008):
 Since you have been taking care of them for 4 years, you are a capable person and if this case really goes to the court ,this fact will be taken into considerations.
It is really sad when she acted that way. She should have given you support .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou all so much for your comments =)Honestly i just do the best i can to give my children the best life.I believe she said this because recently she lost her daughter to a car crash, this was her last child. We live oceans apart and she believes she should get custody because i am young and only have a flat. She hated me from the day she found out about the pregnancy as she believed i was ruining her sons life. And shes never offered support not even during the grief period of losing my boyfriend. She doesnt have anymore children and i think she thinks therefore i shouldnt either. When they were 1 she asked for just one of them and i told her i couldnt ever do that.I really dont want to lose them, thankyou all.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (7 February 2008):
I don't think the courts can take the child away from you but if you have good relations with her, it would be good to have some support from her. Your life would be much easier.
The choice is yours.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (7 February 2008):
 No she cannot take you kids from you.
Youve been doing fine for 4 years, you have a steady job and a loving home. No court would ever take them away if your providing these.
As for why she wanna take them, she lost her son and these kids are what she sees as the only connection to him. But that gives her no right to take YOUR kids away from you, and like mandy7 said what you done so far does make you a supermum
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Hi Hunny
No way can she take them off you, She has no grounds hunny get yourself some advise from the citizans advise centre in your area to pop your mind at rest and get hold of your health visitor they are not just there for when baby is born hunny. Your name is faith sweetheart so have the faith that god gave you in that beautiful name, you have been through quite enough loosing your husband bringing up triplets on your own working part time, You are super mum in my eyes love you should be getting the mum of the year award. She canot replace her son with your babys seek some help TAKE CARE WITH LOVE AND PRAYERS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, Richard_EMids +, writes (7 February 2008):
Why do you think she has said thsi? What has brought this on?
Richard
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