A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hello, this is going to be a long one, so i hope you have time?Its been bubbling up for years now, it started at my dads 30th birthday party ( i wasn't born yet!)so my mum arranged this party for him, she invited lots of his friends and his mother my granny who my mum never got on with. My granny took along dads childhood friend, Sarah who granny always wanted him to be married to..so apparently my mum said something nasty to sarah and sarah and my mum have never talked, so a few years later i was born and my dad died when i was four, my mum took my dads parents to court to fight over money. They didnt see me for a while but then we started meeting every wednesday until i met Sarah when i was about 7 and whenever me and granny went to london on a wednesday we would meet Sarah. So now in a few weeks im going to be 18; my granny has planned going up to london to meet sarah for a meal, so i told my mum and she seemed fine with it then asked why do i never get invited she went on that i have to ask granny if mummy can come along for the meal. So i got up the guts and said can mummy come along, granny said i would love her to come now we have resolved out issues but Sarah wouldn't come because her and mummy dont get along i said why...she said mummy was very nasty to her at daddys 30th, granny never told me what mummy was supposed to have said, so i went home thinking mum would be happy i spoke to granny about it, mummy said she never said anything to sarah and she doesn't know why sarah hates her so much, then she started going on saying why are you going out for lunch with someone who hates me? It feels like you are betraying me, she went on and on about betraying her then stormed off to bed, so later on i went to get my phone which i left upstairs and there was a message from sarah saying, hi, did you send me this text fi? (fi being me) to be honest i have only met your mummy once but if you want to chat just phone but i do look up to her cuz she has done so well rasing a child on her own. I realised mum had sent her a text, so i took the phone into her room and said here you have a text from sarah, she said yer you know its your phone, i walked away.The next day (today) i got a phone call from granny and it said fi did you send sarah that text she was very puzzedled by it, so i said umm well i didnt mean to it was to a friend but i sent it to lots of people by mistake so she said what did it say, i said well i cant remember. She said you must do, you sent it, doesnt it say on your phone? I said no i can't find it, so she said i dont think your telling me the truth, i replied i was and that was the end....i feel like piggy in the middle and i dont know what to do and im pissed off she used my phone!!!! What to do? Please help. I can't stop crying!!
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (20 February 2008):
 Hi there,
what strikes me about this is how cruel all the people involved here are. This is your mother,your grandmother and this Sarah person. First they are using you as a vessel to take out all their problems with which is very unfair to you. It all started with your grandmother preferring Sarah to your mum and it has been downhill ever since. There is no point at this time thinking who is right and who is wrong. I would suggest that you write a letter to all the parties involved - your mum, Sarah and your Grandmother. Say that this conflict is making you very upset and all its achieving is opening old wounds up again. Ask them what they hope to achive by this constant conflict? Do they want to see you unhappy?
They all need to take a step back and look at what they are doing. Good luck.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Don't cry because you are legally an adult very soon and you can choose exactly who you want to wine and dine with! On first glance I would say that grandma may have a large spoon that she has been stiring rather a lot in relation to your Mum and Sarah for all sorts of reasons you couldn't possibly know about. I don't think you should bother wasting your energy getting to the bottom of this family feud as you are the innocent in this situation. If you have no great urge to see Sarah, tell your gran that you are happy to go out with her on your own but if she is unhappy with that she can find another dinner companion. You just have to be strong and diplomatic at the same time!
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