A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ive suddenly fallen for my maths tutor, i'm not the sort of girl who normally lusts after older men but i really like this guy, i think he's about 20 years older than me and im 17 now...im not stupid, i m trying to ignore my feelings for him but i actually like him ALOT i have not felt this way about any other guy....i get on with him very well and he tells me that i am pretty and mature and stuff(though not in a perverted way i don't think)...me and him have so much in common and i really would like a relationship with him...sometimes i feel like we are a bit inappropriate with each other and this has just led me to beleive that something could happenthe problem is he has a long term girlfriend and normally i despise girls that go after other people's men and i would never have done anything like this before but i REALLY like this man... i mean i am in his house with him alone for an hour every week and we mainly just sit there talking and stuff...i swear he is like my perfect guy...i know this is going to sound incredibly insecure of me, and stupid but i feel like i wouldnt even care if he was just using me for sex or whatever, i just REALLY want to be with him...I dont know what to do...how can i tell if he likes me too (PLEASE DON'T TELL ME TO JUST GET OVER HIM because i dont think i can....i cant stop thinking about him)....i dont know whether or not i should flirt with him...i mean i already flirt with him but i dont make it obvious (i think he flirts with me too)...any advice would be appreciated, as my friends are being no help whatsoever they are either saying "yeah just sleep with him" or "ewww wtf is wrong with you he's old"i dont know what the chances are of someone his age falling for someone my age...one of my friends said that he would be likly to go for me as i have said he's just average looking but im really pretty and mature (this is not me being arrogant about myself, this is what my friend said)...and also how likely he is to cheat on his girlfriend (i really want him too, that makes me sound like a bitch but i cant help it )so please help, coz i feel so strongly for him. thanks x
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2008): to "a male reader"
it's not so much the fact that they're old, we don't start thinking wrinkles - yum.
it's their state of mind, they're older and more mature, they don't spend more time trying to be cool than with us.
of course we like them. They have experience, they are more manly (features), they have a defined personality, they're smart. it's nice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Actually, research has been done that says romantic feelings can often benefit the academic situation by providing a primal incentive for performing well in the subject--in your case, math. From what you've said, he doesn't seem like a predator, but if he ever did advance sexually on you, he would be. If he does anything, he's wrong for you. If he doesn't, then maybe after he's not your teacher anymore, tell him how you've felt. It's kind of a catch-22 situation until that point, though. While he's your teacher, it would be inappropriate to have an actual romantic relationship, no matter how much he is/isn't forward with you.Good things come to those who wait...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2008): What is up with all these teenager girls who are falling in love with their male teachers???!!!! This doesn't make any sense to me at all. Some of these teachers are older guys in their 40s and 50s. How could a teenage girl possibly be attracted to a man so much older, and why would a teenage girl want to have sex with a man who is so much older than she is? Can anyone explain this? These kind of posts are all over this place. What is happening to our young girls that they are going ga-ga over older male teachers and wanting to jump into bed with them?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): Hi there! I totally understand what ur going thru... and i'm not gonna go on about 'getting over him' cos if u really love and care for the person, its not possible! I'm in the same situation, except my teacher barely knows i exist! But i still care so much for him even though i don't know him personally. Gosh ur so lucky going to his house for an hour a week, why is that? may I ask... Anyway what to do, what to do! It's an awkward situation to be in. I know it may sound innappropriate of me to suggest this, but why not just make a move on him! He has a girlfriend but it's not like he's married! But before you lean in for a snog, you'd have to be sure he really likes you too. Try dropping hints, say that you've never had a propper relationship with a guy (even if you have) and tell him that you're more into older guys *looking right into his eyes*. He'd hopefully take the hint and... perhaps admit feelings for you! I can't promise it'll turn out as i've described, the worst that could happen is you making a pass at him and he turns you down! Which could ruin your friendship with him. You just gotta tread carefully, dnt rush into things until you're sure that he wants the same! Good luck hunni x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008): It is common to get interested in a teacher but he has someone and in any case he could lose his job if he started a relationship with you. Try to leave it just in your imagination and spend more time with people of your own age.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 January 2008):
 He may seem like a really nice guy but you ought to remember that if he was to take advantage of the situation with you being his pupil then the reality is that he is anything but a good guy! In the UK there is legislation in place making it illegal for teachers to have relations with their students. It is not about consent so much as the breach of trust - teachers are usually aware of the possibility of pupils developing inappropriate feelings for them and should be mature enough to handle to situation. I think you should accept you have feelings for this guy (it is normal to admire/ be attracted to people in this way). It would be wrong to act on those feelings - I think you already know that deep down and just need some confirmation from the advisors here.
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A
female
reader, x-Happy-Feet-x +, writes (2 January 2008):
 well i dont think theres anything wrong with the age gap yes its a bit much but if your in love your in love its just a number it dont mean a thing atleast your mature enough to know wat your doing (over 16) i am 13 but i am really mature so coming from a kid you wont believe it but i like to help do you know if he has kids? and things if there is then dont mean to be horrible but i dont think its worth making him loose family but if its a long term girlfriend then stil its family if your sure he flirts with you maybe you should ask some questions ask to meet him more often say you like him dont ever say things like that to him ' i dont even care if he uses me for sex ' that is a big mistake to say stuff like that but your opinion i hope you can maybe get together with him maybe leave his class one day with a quick peck on the cheek make your flirting more obvious this time he cant say anything... other then what he feels xx message me if you want a talk (dnt give away your virginity or body cuz i have had sex but i was mature safe and trusted i am still with this boy and yes it was a mistake and i would hate for you to make one)
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