A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I feel like a crybaby, i am a strong person normally but for the past year i have done nothing but try to prove to my husband of 4yrs that im not cheating on him.I love him and have never ever done anything to make him think i would have cheated. We have a 2yr old and im trying to do everything i can to prove myself, but its starting to get to the point of a divorce,even though thats not what i want either. My question is what can i do if anything to make my marriage work??????????
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male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi,
You shouldn't have to prove anything to your husband if you have done nothing wrong. Marriage is a partnership built on trust, if he doesnt trust you and has no good reason to suspect you then he is simply trying to control you. Either that or he is having an affair himself and is accusing you of cheating in order to ease his guilt.
Whichever scenario it is I'm afraid unless he's prepared to change how can you go on living like this. He isn't being a husband to you is he?
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 Hi dear,
The problem i can see here is control. Am afraid only if you allow him access to your movements, whereabouts and everything you do will he be satisfied. Is that what you really want? Not to have the freedom and clear-mindness you need.Since you are obviously not happy and you want change there is only two options for you. Either you leave him or get him to change. Ask yourself is he ready to change? I cant see that from your post. I dont think he even realises he has a problem.Know that the problem here doesnt lie with you and as such there is nothing other than the above you can do.
Wishing you all the best. Lots of Hugs...Kelly.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): You can't do anything with this cheater except divorce, this is a common tactic of cheaters to suspect others and accuse others it's his own guilt. Live with it or get out of it but do KNOW it - his guilt is the driving force behind this.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (19 February 2008):
 If you are having to prove yourself to him then the relationship is already failing...and that is not your fault! If he makes you feel that you have to demonstrate your faithfulness etc then it is he that has the problem. Although it must be very distressing to have your marriage fail, you must realise that if he is making you feel this way then it is perhaps for the best that you part company.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): seems we are in the same dilemma, and i have looked hard and deep for answers and the only conclusion is he either cheating himself,has already cheated or trying to get you to leave so he feels no guilt about cheating on you and your son,best thing is to play him at his own game
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (19 February 2008):
 If your husband is bent on leaving , there is nothing you can do to prevent him from leaving.
You don't have to proof anything to him. You are already guilty in his eyes.
It is not whether you want or not, you do not have a choice but to accept the inevitable.
You can try to please him in every way but his heart is no more there.
All you can do is to pray for a miracle to happen.
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