A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:k, i'm 15 and soon to be 16 and i have given it alot of thought i want to find the right person for me and be and early mother, i want to graduate before haveing the child though, but i need help finding the right guy. i just feel like ive always meant to be a mother and i cant wait till i get the oppertunity. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ileana  +, writes (8 November 2007):
 Hey girl,
Listen to me, i am 16 years old now soon to be 17 and i have a 4 month old baby boy,
It is so difficult to provide for him, luckily my boyfriend who is also 16 going on 17 has a decent education and a decent job, we rent a flat and all the money we get is spent on the baby and food.
I never had my mother since age 7 and this baby was an accident but i know my mother would not be proud of me for getting pregnant so early but she would be proud that i accepted the consequences of my actions, answer me these,
Do you have a loving partner who can help you raise a little life?
Do you have a house to shelter your baby?
Do you have money? To buy a pram, a cot, food, toys, etc?
Can you cope with having to grow up fast and dedicating your life to a baby?
Please update us!! Dont just give yourself anybody who can give you a baby,
Let your baby have a father sometime in the future who can love you both.
Message me if you need my help or advice further remember i am a young mother. And although it is hard, i wouldnt let anyone change it.
Love
Ileana
xxx
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (6 November 2007):
 It is hard to find the right guy at your age because 15 year old boys are just that...boys. I am 36, 8 months pregnant, married, nice house and financial security...still the prospect of parenting fills me with terror some days. My point is that it is much better to do the mother thing when you are in a steady situation - it is stressful as well as rewarding and as the others say, you have your life ahead of you. Being a good mother is about nurturing your children and a bit of life experience helps with that process enormously. By all means aspire to be a Mum later in life, but concentrate on your education and career options right now so you will be in a position to provide for your children when they do arrive.
...............................
A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (6 November 2007):
 Hi
I think you are just going through a phase that woulld end. Just hang in there. You should consider babysitting and dealing with kids too help you.Hope this has helped.
Regards,mail me if you wanna talk
...............................
A
female
reader, MonDoc  +, writes (6 November 2007):
I have a friend who has always known that motherhood is what she wanted to do, and that's what she has done, and she is very happy with that! If that's what you truly want, and that's your calling, then that's what you should do.
BUT, be sure you are ready for it because it is the biggest decision you'll ever make.. Don't romanticise it because although it is wonderful & rewarding, once you're in, you're in... and you can't change your mind when you've had enough. It is the most tiring, exhausting, selfless thing you'll do. It's not about you anymore - you can't just decide to go to the shops or the movies or even to the toilet by yourself... it's always involving this little person who is constantly wanting you and needing you. Also, keep in mind that you're not having a baby when you do this... you're having baby who'll become a toddler and then a 5 year old who's got school and other activities to run around after, then a primary school student that you have to pack lunches and uniforms for every day, then a teenager that you'll have sports days to run around after and friends, dirty rooms, parties.... and all the other things in between.
What you REALLY need to do is take a good long look at your future with a grown child in it and ask yourself if you're really, truly ready to give up your life as you know it for someone else. Preferably, go and work in a creche or something similar for a while and if you're still certain after that, then go for it!!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): Being a mom is something that every woman should have a chance to be someday, but you're rushing things.
You're probably gonna live for another 50 years or so. And you'll still be fertile & attractive for another 20+ years. I think you can wait two more years until you're 18 to try to get pregnant. There is nothing to gain and everything to lose if you get pregnant before you're even an adult yourself. A huge part of being "mature" is being in control of your impulses & desires even when it goes against what you want to do. If you can't even control this want for a baby before you're ready, then you're REALLY not in control of yourself enough to raise the baby yet.
Are you moved out on your own & paying for all of your own life right now? Probably not. Theres nothing wrong with not being able to support yourself financially at 16, but that DOES mean that you also cannot realistically begin supporting a second person yet. (If you think you're gonna "start earning money" later, then why not do it FIRST, BEFORE you get pregnant? If you're willing to earn money for a baby for 18 years, then surely it won't bother you to begin working for that money for a few months before you actually start trying to get pregnant. What's a few more months of work gonna hurt compared to the 18 straight years that you're assuming you can do?)
Some young women think a father is gonna do the money-earning for them in this situation. But it's not likely to work out that well at all.
You'll find lots of men of all ages & backgrounds who are very willing to impregnate you. You'll also find lots of much older men willing to marry you and impregnate you too, but that is very likely to be a bad relationship for you to be in. You'll also find lots of men willing to tell you ANYTHING that you want to hear, but that doesn't mean they'll actually follow through with any of it later.
What you will not find is males who are your own good relationship age & situation, who are suitable for a healthy long-term relationship, who are also eager to commit to you & support a baby with you right now. Young single males are only lining up to make babies as much as possible, not pay for them. (Watch any afternoon talk-show paternity test episode if you don't believe this.)
There are good reasons that it takes so many women out there so long to find a good husband/father/partner. Men simply DO NOT think about starting a family the way women tend to. They still want children during their lives but not the same way and the same time that women do.
You also REALLY need to understand that men simply do not feel the strong connection between having sex with a girl and loving that girl AT ALL the way women do. (It's just a difference in the brain chemistry between females and males.) Men may sometimes be very much in love with a girl they sleep with, but there's not an automatic link the way it commonly is with women and sex. For men, just having sex with a girl does not automaically mean that they even feel attached to her at all. DO NOT assume otherwise. When it comes to love & relatioships, words hardly matter at all compared to the person's actions.
...............................
A
female
reader, lfc713 +, writes (6 November 2007):
Being an early mother was what I wanted to be also. I was 20 years old thought I had found the one and only guy for me and ended up pregnant. Turns out, he left me when I was 5 months pregnant for a girl younger and thinner. So my advice would be you have a lot of life left your only 15 and I was just like you wanted to settle down and have babies don't get me wrong I love my little guy but my life has changed so much. You should really let time takes it course, if your meant to be an early mother then time will tell. I would really suggest that you get married and be married for a while before you try and start a family.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007): You have another 30 years to try to find the right guy and have children. Relax and forget about it.
...............................
|
